I have to admit, I didnt think I would be as angry as I was this morning. It really started last night when I had to take my progesterone shot knowing it was for nothing. I looked at my husband and asked if I had to take it, he put his head down with such sorrow in his face and replied no. I walked out of the bedroom and did a few things around the house. Then I thought, No I am going to take this damn shot. I am going to continue doing every single stupid thing the clinic asked me to do. You know why? Because I dont for a single second want to think " what if" so I took the shot and was super pissed the whole time. I woke up this morning with dark brown almost black crap on my liner and it made me more pissed. I drove to my clinic stewing even more the closer I got. I get into my clinic and a couple walking out with a one year old talking about all their great embryos. I open the door to the clinic and low and behold a lady in thier with another baby under one that was screaming and crying. I love children, but this morning was really not my morning that I wanted to be bombarded with kids. I wanted to sit in my clinic with all the other woman just like me, resentful and pissed and where it was nice and quiet. When I finally get called back to blood draw, it was by a nurse who was not already familar with my situation, poor girl. She was all bubbly and happy and bopping around like the fucking energizer bunny. She then asked how my day was going? Well I decided I would spare her from my wrath and said fine. Getting ready for blood draw she looked at me and asked if I was excited. My answer was " well I consider this a huge kick in my gut that I have to come back in here and give blood so I can get an "offical" negative because I obviously dont know my body" She said she was very sorry and asked if I had been testing. Really? No I just figured I would throw this at you for no reason. Anyway I am back at my office now sipping my orange juice and just filled with so much anger.
In other news (happier) news. My friend Sara's appointment is finally here today for her 1st visit with her new RE! Her and her husband have been trying for many years to get pregnant, I am so excited for her! And also my other friend Leigh has her beta today. She is also suffering from secondary infertility and I believe our kids are the same age(teenagers). She had her transfer the day after mine. I am hoping for a BFP because she deserves it. Also my friend Christi will find out Friday if her FET worked and she also is so deserving of a BFP. Keeping my fingers crossed for all of you ladies. Very special woman for sure.
Ok so I am done with my moment for now. I am predicting that my beta will come back at zero. I dont even think that the embryos started to implant. I guess that is the story of my ttc life (non-implanting babies). I will let all of you guys know what the magic number is later this afternoon.
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