Friday, June 29, 2012

More Surgery Details

I was so scared going into this surgery this morning. When I woke up I had a beautiful post on my facebook wall from Courtney @ Pathway to Parenthood. It seriously brought tears to my eyes and helped put my mind to ease somewhat. I don't think you will ever know how much that post meant to me Court, thank you from the bottom of my heart. She also mentioned that we would be getting pregnant together and then  a light went on in my head. I have a cycle buddy and I know that I couldn't have picked a better person to do this with. Okay ladies I might be excited about this. Oh and every time I burp it tastes like a sterilized tube, yuck!

Surgery went well and the fibroid that Dr. H removed was sitting smack dab in the middle of my road to the great uterus. I guess this wasn't seen on the u/s due to to it being hidden by my cervix. When we have done my transfer before plus my iui's they always got stuck at 3 cm in and then again at 5cm. The fibroid was located at exactly 3 cm inside and then the ridges were located at 5 cm. When coming out of anesthesia my blood pressure was pretty high but my pulse was VERY high so they gave me additional medications to lower it and by the time I left it was down to 110 and my bp was 145/78. My doctor seems to be very happy with this find and lets keep our fingers crossed that the transfer goes well. I have post op appointment on July 9th (I think). As of now I stay on my birth control pills until I hear from Doctor on Monday. August 11th is right around the corner and I think that I might be ready for this. I think this surgery today gave me some hope.

Also I know that my spelling and punctuation is always bad, but today it is horrible. Sorry :(

Post Op Update

Quick update. Surgery went better then expected. They found a fibroid and shaved some ridges off my uterus. They did have a problem after surgery getting my pulse and blood pressure to go down though. Everything is okay right now and I promise to update later when I feel a little better.

Thanks to all of you ladies who thought about me during this. I really appreciate it

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Pre-Op Consultation.

It was really weird walking into my RE's office this morning. I havent been there since our failed ivf back in early March. Everyone was really happy to see me and I was feeling not so happy to be starting down this road again. While waiting the Price Is Right was on and guess what, it was the expecting mother's edition. Sorry but I seriously had to laugh out loud on that one. My pulse was a nice 119 and for the millionth time I got to explain how that is my normal. After filling out paperwork and getting blood and urine, I was able to talk with Dr. H. He actually started out by talking to me about our embryo quality the first go around, which surprised me. As most of you know the two best quality ones we had were a "b grade" and the rest were crap. He said that within the last year they have switched over to a new way of culturing the embryos and the pregnancy rate is about the same but it seems that quality is not as good as the way it was done prior to last year. They have changed their protocol back to the way it was on culturing. He also explained to me that he doesnt feel we need to do ICSI again. 6 out of 7 fertilized naturally and 9 out of 10 fertilized with ICSI, so we have a wonderful fertilization rate either way. He also went on to explain that this surgery will be a little different then the one last year. He really wants to look closer at my cervix and make sure there arent any fibroids or poylps. He said that I do have a huge scar from my previous c section 14 years ago and that is part of the problem, but there has to be something else in there making it almost impossible for the catheter to pass through. He again told me that my transfer was the 2nd hardest he has ever done in his carreer. Hey at least I can achieve at something. We also discussed the  transfer being done through my abdomen and he has decided to have the catheter needed for that ready during our transfer. If it comes to it, he is going to do that procedure. This makes me somewhat relieved knowing that if there is a sign of trouble like last time, that we have another option. I dont want to lay on that bed for hour and a half again in pain.

All and all I think we had a successful consultation. I wont lie ladies, I am still not excited about this ivf coming up and I really dont see anything changing with it.

Friday, June 22, 2012

Infertility Funny Friday

6 days before surgery and day 5 on bcp. I really hate bcp, they completely mess up my otherwise charming personality and make me such a bitch. I was mad at my husband last night because he was making turkey burgers and I told him 6 months ago I dont like turkey burgers! (see the problem here). Yikes.... If someone has a protection spell for my poor husband, please share. Other then that little problem, I am just peachy.
I did ask Al for advice last night on my pre-op visit. Should I bring up the question of the abdominal transfer if he is unable to located these "invisible ridges" on my uterus? Or should I just wait until we go in for the mock transfer? I like to be fully prepared.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

ICLW, Welcome!

A huge hello to anyone new stopping by my blog this week. You have actually caught me in a pretty good time. I go in next Friday to have some ridges removed from my uterus and then I start stims on August 11th for ivf #2 (retreival) should be close to my birthday on August 19th! A little history; I will be turning 37 in August and suffer from secondary infertility. My daughter will be 15 in July and a sophmore in high school. (Not sure where all these years went). I was married about 2 1/2 years ago to my amazing husband Al and we started ttc immediately after we married (well actually a little before). Long story short; after almost 2 1/2 years of trying we have had many failed cycles which include 8 clomid cycles, 4 injectable iui's and 1 ivf back in February. We have the offical diagnosis of "unexplained infertility" all test come back within normal levels. The doctor does seem to think I have an "invisible" wall on my uterus that really poses a problem trying to get a catheter though. All of my iui's and ivf were very difficult with this process. Infact my ivf I was on the table for over a hour in half while they tried to get it through. My doctor has discussed with me in very little detail that it is possible for us to go through my abdomen and transfer the embyros that way. This procedure is up in the air until my surgery so we can see if there is a clear passage.

Thanks for stopping by and I hope you stick around to follow the rest of my journey!

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Almost back

I am so close to being back to normal and thank goodness for that! Whatever I had, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy (well probably not). I had to quit taking my vitamins for a few days due to puking everything up and hope I can start taking them tomorrow. 

While I was in the E.R. the nurse asked who my OB/GYN was. Well looks like we have the same one and both received the letter last week that she is leaving OU and opening up private practice. I really want to follow her but need to make sure that if I get pregnant she can deliver at OU. The nurse through E.R. informed me that being "high risk" I should stick with OU and not follow her to the private practice. Since when does not being able to get pregnant put you in the category of high risk pregnancy? If I wasn't shitting and puking everywhere I most likely would debated this issue, but I let it pass.

I was curious about something. My doctor mentioned to me during our last transfer that it is possible to go in through the abdomen during a transfer. He hasn't done it to often but some woman have to have it. Are any of you familiar with this procedure or know anyone that had it done? After my surgery if we are still having issues getting the cath  in, I am seriously considering this procedure. There isn't alot of information on it and I haven't really went into serious discussion with my doctor yet. It may be something worth talking about when we try for the mock transfer though. Hopefully he can remove this ridges and that will make a huge difference on getting inside my uterus this time! Please keep your fingers crossed for me ladies. I really need this to work!

Monday, June 18, 2012

Quick Update

Well I am still sick but at least the puking and pooping has subsided. I am still having sharp stomach pains but that is about it.

I heard back from my RE's office and to my surprise my surgery is going to be next Friday the 29th. I have to start birth control pills tonight. I don't think the timing could be worse including I feel so darn bad right now. I have faith that I will feel much better before surgery next week. He also said that all the supplements I am on right now is great except the Ultra Green powder, I am to stop taking that.

Well I am going back to bed and then hopefully I will have enough energy to get up and go to the pharmacy later. Birth control pills again, who would have thought :) This is all becoming so real again.

Sunday, June 17, 2012

No Fun Sunday

My Sunday has been pretty crappy (literally). I had to go to the ER this morning because all of the urgent care centers were closed. As you know I have suffered from diarrhea for a week now. I woke up this morning to sharp pains in my stomach, nausea and still diarrhea. They said I may have a bacterial infection in my bowels. Thank god for pain shots. She gave me antibiotics, anti-diarrhea meds, stomach cramps and pain meds. If things aren't better within two days I have to go back in and been checked for possible parasite. I know that saying I have severe stomach pains doesn't sound that bad, but OMG this really hurts. Not sure if I will be visiting Mexico for a long while. I know that it is possible I didn't get anything from there but I have no idea what is going on or where it came from.

Okay back to bed...

Friday, June 15, 2012


I contacted my RE office on Wednesday and heard back from them yesterday. I guess my RE no longer works on Thursday and Friday so I will find out Monday what our game plan is. Yikes! I asked if we had time for one more clomid cycle but my RN doesnt think we will. I still need to get in and have the ridges removed off my uterus and then start bcp in preparation for stims on August 11th. I guess this is really happening. After our 1st one failed we had made the rash decision to wait 6 months before our next cycle. We had gone through 8 months of consistent treatment with no breaks and we were honestly drained in every sense of the word. Then one month went by and I was still okay with waiting. Then two and I started thinking "why did I make the decision to wait so long"? Honestly though I know we made the right decision and our mind frame is in a much better place now then in February.  This cycle could definitely not work and then again it could work. Al and I have already decided to go back to injectable iui's if it doesnt. That in itself makes me somewhat nervous but we will have so much follistim still left over after this cycle that we would save a significant amount of the procedure, so why not? I have been asked about going through a DE cycle and honestly that may still be an option on the table. After getting some information from a fellow blogger, I found out it was cheaper then I originally thought. I was under the impression you had to pay the same fresh ivf cost plus the additional cost of DE. I will be 37 in August and Al and I have decided after many hours of discussions that we will no longer try after the age of 40. So I still have some hope left, alot can happen in three years.

So wish my luck everyone that I get some good news on Monday! I also asked about all of the supplements, so hopefully the doctor will say okay, add or delete some. I found this stuff online called Ultra Green and its a powder that contains all of your dark leafy greens. I have no idea if it will make a difference or not but I know you are suppose to have a good deal of dark greens while going through ivf.

I hope all of you lovely ladies have a great weekend and enjoy time with your significant other and/or family and friends. I dont consider myself religious at all but I know that all of us are blessed in one way or another, we just may not see it all the time. I am blessed to have so many truly amazing people in my life and to be healthy. Sometimes I lose sight of the truly important things in my life and it takes a tragic moment to put it all back into perspective. I found out yesterday that a lady I used to work with died of cancer. When I worked with her and her husband they were very Christian people and prayed at work, told all of us to have a blessed day etc. She always smiled, always. I could never understand how a person could always be smiling. One day I looked out the window and she was driving up in the parking lot just smiling. No one in the car and she had a smile ear to ear. They truly annoyed me when I worked with them. Was it because I wasnt happy in my life? Probably. Well when I found out yesterday that she lost her battle to cancer, my heart truly hurt. She was a great person and I know she believed in God with all of her heart. It is no secret that I struggle with what little faith I had, but I know that wherever she is right now, she is smiling. RIP Karen Miler. I am sorry for taking the batteries out of your Christmas clock at work so it would quit playing stupid Christmas songs all day.

Funny Infertility Friday!

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Lots of nothing and a little more nothing

I am seriously in such a weird place right. Actually for months now. I do feel refreshed now that we are back from vacation. In all honesty I am more interested in planning our next two year vacations then I am our next ivf. I really try to think positive about it but I just cant. Unfortnantely in my mind when I think of our next cycle, I already know its doomed and therefore I would rather put my mind somewhere else. What the hell is wrong with me? Have any of you down deep in your heart just knew that treatment isnt going to work? I know that is a hard question but I truly dont think it is me trying to protect my feeling and not be hurt anymore. In some odd way I might be at peace with it. We are almost on our year anniversary since starting with our RE and almost 2 1/2  years of trying. Our 2 1/2 year anniversary of ttc will be within a week of our second ivf and retrieval will be on my birthday. I am sure to most that might be a sign of good things to come. I think its a reminder that age is knocking on my door and its almost time to be done. I asked the community a question yesterday about vitamins and supplements leading up to #2 and one answer really stuck with me. Basically to ask my RE cause everyone has different diganosis which of course needs different treatments. How in the hell do you treat unexplained infertility? How do you even go about trying to fix the problem when the doctor keeps telling you that they have NO idea what is wrong? It really makes me so angry that according to medical professionals, we should be pregnant. How do you fix that? Ok so that this post isnt all negative I will post something postive. Within the last two plus years Al and I have saved a shit load of money on condoms. Infact I feel very confident we will never have to spend another dime on birth control, except to get pregnant, haha ironic.

Well as I mentioned in the beginning of my post today, I am already planning our next two vacations. No where tropical for a few years. I have lost 5lbs in past few days from my tropical vacation. It was definitely worth it though. I think next year we are going camping in Colorado. We have wanted to go white water rafting and really be out in the beautiful scenery of Colorado again. If all works out we will be moving there in about five years. Now onto the trip I am really looking forward to, Maine. I have wanted to visit Maine for so many years. I am a total lighthouse freak and could probably spend everyday looking at the beauty of a lighthouse. So lots of planning ahead!

I just found out that one of the nicest people I have met on here lost her baby at 16weeks. If you get a chance please go over and visit Leslie, but she goes by Leigh on her blog @ This news has truly broken my heart for her. My thoughts and prayers are with you my friend.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Supplement Information

Now that I am about two months out from ivf I wanted to maybe start adding to my vitamin regimen. Here is my current list:

Baby asprin
CoQ10 (up'd my dosage to 300mg daily)

I know this is a short list because I'm trying to take the least amount needed. Is there any other suggestions leading up to my ivf? Should I be taking vitamin c and fish oils?

Monday, June 11, 2012


So I POAS and accidentally grabbed my WONDFO blue ovulation test strip. It had two lines and the second line was pretty dark. After realizing it was wrong strip, I used my pink one and of course it was negative. Why would my ovulation strip have two lines on CD26 or 9DPO?

Any answers would help me out.

More Cozumel Pics

                                          Me jumping off a cliff into a cave!

                                       Dune buggy excursion was amazing!

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Back From Paradise.

Hi Everyone! We finally made it back home at 2:45 this morning. Wow so much to talk about but zero motivation today. Let me start off by saying that Valium doesn't do shit on flight anxiety. On the first flight leaving Dallas I was up and ready to move ass off the plane, but the doors were sealed and we were heading down the runway so it was a tad bit late. Al was an amazing support system throughout the whole ordeal. If possible the valium made my anxiety worse. 

Our resort was so beautiful and the people there were truly amazing! We did a lot of snorkeling and swimming. Went on a 4 wheeler excursion through the jungle and also a dune buggy excursion through the jungle and Jade Caverns. I was able to jump off a cliff which was really cool! We didn't really drink while there except for a couple glasses of red wine with dinner. Guess we are kinda lame since it was all inclusive. We ate A LOT of wonderful food though!

Al was bit by some kind of fish on his back while snorkeling in about thirty foot of water. When we got out, he was bleeding. We were told that the Mexican fish liked to eat tourist, LMAO. He was okay though and it was a running joke the whole time we were there. Our last excursion was a 3 reef snorkeling trip but Al got serious sea sick and they ended up dropping us off on a pier and then we caught taxi back to the resort. I did manage to sea eels, starfish, and a whole lot of fish. One of the people was able to sea a shark. The water was a little rough and was flipping me in the waves so I had a hard time staying on my stomach.

Here are a few pics of our vacation. I don't have any of the snorkeling pics posted yet, but will within next day or so. I have many more on my facebook if you want to see them. (Tonisha Rapp) fb.

OH before I forget, I will really try to get caught up on blogs this week!

Friday, June 1, 2012

Funny Infertility Friday

Hope everyone has a great weekend and following week. I will see all of you the  June 10th!

Yes or No Part Two

Here are my lines from this morning, any thoughts? Positive or negative. Guess this really stumps me because RN at my office said that the second line never gets darker then control on these cheap test and if it is close that means yes.