Lots of nothing and a little more nothing

I am seriously in such a weird place right. Actually for months now. I do feel refreshed now that we are back from vacation. In all honesty I am more interested in planning our next two year vacations then I am our next ivf. I really try to think positive about it but I just cant. Unfortnantely in my mind when I think of our next cycle, I already know its doomed and therefore I would rather put my mind somewhere else. What the hell is wrong with me? Have any of you down deep in your heart just knew that treatment isnt going to work? I know that is a hard question but I truly dont think it is me trying to protect my feeling and not be hurt anymore. In some odd way I might be at peace with it. We are almost on our year anniversary since starting with our RE and almost 2 1/2  years of trying. Our 2 1/2 year anniversary of ttc will be within a week of our second ivf and retrieval will be on my birthday. I am sure to most that might be a sign of good things to come. I think its a reminder that age is knocking on my door and its almost time to be done. I asked the community a question yesterday about vitamins and supplements leading up to #2 and one answer really stuck with me. Basically to ask my RE cause everyone has different diganosis which of course needs different treatments. How in the hell do you treat unexplained infertility? How do you even go about trying to fix the problem when the doctor keeps telling you that they have NO idea what is wrong? It really makes me so angry that according to medical professionals, we should be pregnant. How do you fix that? Ok so that this post isnt all negative I will post something postive. Within the last two plus years Al and I have saved a shit load of money on condoms. Infact I feel very confident we will never have to spend another dime on birth control, except to get pregnant, haha ironic.

Well as I mentioned in the beginning of my post today, I am already planning our next two vacations. No where tropical for a few years. I have lost 5lbs in past few days from my tropical vacation. It was definitely worth it though. I think next year we are going camping in Colorado. We have wanted to go white water rafting and really be out in the beautiful scenery of Colorado again. If all works out we will be moving there in about five years. Now onto the trip I am really looking forward to, Maine. I have wanted to visit Maine for so many years. I am a total lighthouse freak and could probably spend everyday looking at the beauty of a lighthouse. So lots of planning ahead!

I just found out that one of the nicest people I have met on here lost her baby at 16weeks. If you get a chance please go over and visit Leslie, but she goes by Leigh on her blog @ http://hormonacoaster.blogspot.com/. This news has truly broken my heart for her. My thoughts and prayers are with you my friend.