Wednesday, November 30, 2011

IUI #3 Failure & my plan.

So as the day has went on I am bleeding heavier. So as predicted I started on day 10 on dot, just like I said I would when I got a funny look two days ago. Oh well. I need to start preparing for the next step. As most of you know, we are on the IVF waiting list and start our Stims on Febuary 25, 2012. We are trying to get as many iuis in before that in hopes of pregnancy and saving a shit load of " out of pocket" money.  IUI#4 with be with injectables and progesterone again and then IUI#5 is going to be with clomid and progesterone. By the time we finish these two, we should be ready for IVF. My doctor said someone in my case should try at least 4 cycles to possibly 6 of iui before moving on. I do trust my doctor. I might question some things and get upset sometimes, but I believe he is doing the best thing for me. I just wish something would work already.

Thanks for all the postive thoughts for me, this just wasnt my cycle. Good luck to all my cycling buddies, I hope all of you get a BFP. Lord knows we all deserve one.

Monday, November 28, 2011

Crinone Progesterone Gel

So I heard back from the doctor office and my progesterone was 4.8 but there is no way of telling because the Crinone is not detectable in blood. Im really confused here. So the pharmacutiucal company is selling a drug that claims to raise your progesterone but there is no way to tell if its working? I am really just beyond frustrated today. I am so ready for IVF and I honestly think that IUI is a waste of time and money.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

My Blog Award!



This award was given to my by Rebecca @
pinklipglossandprenatals
 Thank you Rebecca

Liebster is a German word meaning dearest, and the award is given to up-and-coming bloggers with less than 200 followers.
 
Here are the rules:
1. Thank the giver and link back to the blogger who gave it to you.
2. Reveal your top five picks and let them know by leaving a comment on their blog.
3. Copy and paste the award on your blog.
4. Hope that the people you’ve sent the award to forward it to their five favorite bloggers and keep it going!

Here are 5 bloggers I would like to pass the award on to:

1.  Sara @ http://mymclovelylife.blogspot.com/
2. Lisa @ http://ttcfatty.blogspot.com/
3. Megan @ http://the-cool-aunt.blogspot.com/
4. Pix @ http://unexpectedjourney-pixnlil.blogspot.com/
5. Meggola @ http://lostinprocreation.blogspot.com/

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

3 Day work week, doesnt get any better!

I am so happy that this is a 3 day work week. Since my iui, ive been having really sharp pains in both my ovaries. The other night I was turning over in bed and the pain was pretty significant. Maybe ovulation pains? Not really sure but last night same thing happened but on my right side. I feel so bloated, actually I feel like Violet on Charlie and the Chocolate Factory when she turned into a blueberry :) only difference is im not purple. I go in next Monday for my 7dpo u/s and bloodwork.

We are having dinner at my sisters house for Thanksgiving and then my two nieces are coming home with us until Saturday. I really love spending time with them and they said the funniest things! My husband and I are taking the girls down to Bricktown and looking at Christmas lights, along with Myriad Gardens on Friday. This is giving my sister the chance to go out "Black Friday" shopping, which is absolutely crazy in my mind! I have done 80% of my shopping online this year. I just dont feel the need to be around people at all.

I hope all of you have a great Thanksgiving.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Hopefully Final 2WW.

We had our 3rd iui. All the numbers looked really good. I had (5) follicles all 16 and greater. Sperm count was 30 millon with 90% motility and I also am on progesterone this go around. If any of our cycles ever had a chance, it would be this one. I am also happy to say that learning from our last two iui's this one was a walk in the park. The doctor used ivf cathedar and this time only went into that pocket off my uterus once! So pretty much painfree and no bleeding.


So now on the 2ww. Fingers and toes crossed that this will be the one :) Good luck to all my friends in the wait also :)

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Thursday, November 17, 2011

How about two more days?

I have heard two more days about 3 times within last week. My lead follicle today is 18 and the other seem to be growing at a turtles pace.. For some reason I am getting horrible nausea from the Menopur this go around. Im sure that 12 days of injections doesnt help. . I will be on Crinone suppositories for 14 days (keeping fingers crossed.)

I know I have said this before, but I want to say it again. Thank you for all the support through this journey. There arent words to explain what a big deal it is for me to know that I have a whole support system online and you guys understand the crazy bi-polar moments.

I did some research and found out that only 15 states are mandated to provide infertility coverage. Oklahoma is not one of those states. Im not sure where I need to start, but my next step or goal is to start the process of fighting for Oklahoma to provide infertilty coverage to couples struggling through infertilty. This cause is definitely near and dear to my heart now. I believe that infertilty treatment should be affordable to people like my husband and I.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

CD12 and only two more Days!

Just got back from seeing Dr. H for my CD12 check on little follies. As of this morning the largest is 16,13,12 and two more days of injections. My iui is scheduled for Friday. I am so excited this go around! The thought of having progesterone makes me estatic! Im sure most of you ladies know how nasty it can be, but I am hoping this has been the missing link all along. Not sure if I mentioned this or not, but for last two months on 7DPO my progesterone levels have been a 4. Dr. H says that is enough to ovulate, but certainly is not a friendly enviroment for implantation. I know that its possible for this to be failed iui #3 and the chances of successful iui's are very low. I think all my blogging friends that have been successful at pregnancy failed through iui's and were successful with ivf. If you notice my ticker to the right..... only a few months away from our 1st IVF so at this point im feeling pretty darn confident that one way or the other I will be getting my wish :)

If any of my new blogging buddies have any advice on progesterone, please let me know. From what I have read, it mimics early stages of pregnancy...

Friday, November 11, 2011

Holiday Blues ( Cont.)

First of all I want to thank my fellow blogging buddy Knitting Vixen for making me realize that its ok to put my feelings on my blog, negative or postive.

I deleted this blog this morning after I posted it. Here goes the 2nd version.

 Last year I was ok during Thanksgiving and Christmas, and this year is the complete opposite. My biggest problem is being around my SIL. She had a new baby recently and also has a two year old boy. Dont get me wrong, I love this kiddos, but I am having a real issue being around her and the baby. I feel so bad because I know this also effects my husband and I want to be by his side, supporting him, but at what cost to my sanity? Do I go make the trip during Christmas and put on a completely fake smile and pretend to be happy and excited? Do I pretend to be ok when no one wants any information on how things are going for us? Do I put on a fake smile while I hear how hard it is to take care of children under the age of 2?

All these thoughts going through my head and I ask myself, why am I being so damn selfish? Why cant I truly be happy for other peoples blessings? Why are my feelings so hurt that people dont want to know what its like to suffer from infertility. They dont want to hear all the negative ways it effects your life daily. No all people want to know is the good things and the happy things. Should my feelings be hurt that I have one side of the family that acts as is nothing is going on?

I guess the big question is, do I put on my big girl panties and fake smile and try to make it through this holiday to support my husband? The answer to my question is yes. I love him with every ounce of my heart and would do anything within my power to support him


And maybe hold on to the dream that one day we will have our baby. Then I can let go of all the harsh feelings that I have. I have said this many times and will continue to say this again. I have a true respect for any couple who sufferes through infertility. I know that this disease makes us stronger and more determined to prevail.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Waiting is the worst.

Just got back from Dr. H's office. I had a corpus luteum that was 31 x 22. He gave me the go ahead to start my injections today as long as my blood results come back ok. The last time this happened my estrogen was way to high and I was forced to sit out a cycle. My husband keeps telling me to have postive thoughts, but its hard sometimes. I guess the worse that could happen is I lose another month. I learned there are always plenty of months, ugh.


Since im lazy and didnt want to re=post....... Dr. H just called and my estrogen was only 57, so I start my injections tonight!

Friday, November 4, 2011

Fun Memories

Since I am in between cycles right now, I thought it would be fun to post a few pictures from my life. These are just a few pictures that always make me smile.

                                           From right to left: My lovely Cierra, niece Briley &Bailey


Briley combing Uncle Al's (owls) hair

My BFF being silly

My handsome Boomer

My husband and I during roller derby phase

My metro-sexual Izzy

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

November, a new month, a new attitude!

After much thinking, I am making the decision today to be more postive and less consumed with infertility. I promised myself when we started this journey that I would not be one of those bitter, fire breathing woman. Well guess again, that is exactly what I am. I watch the news and get so frustrated on drug addicted woman having babies and not because they want to bring a new life into this world and raise them with unconditional love, no because they are all doped up on drugs and only care about screwing.  Or seeing babies with their moms and wondering if that mom had to go through the emotional and phyisical toll of trying to concieve. So yes I am definitely one of those people now, and it stops here!

Starting this month I will make the choice to look at other beautiful things in my life. Such as my wonderful husband who loves me endlessly, my firecracker teenager daughter who sits in her room for the most part because im completely uncool. My two absolutely beautiful nieces who are growing up so fast and learning so much as days go by. The fresh crisp breeze in the mornings as I walk out the door while watching an amazing orange and red sunrise.

These are the things that I want to be engrossed in, not bitterness. Please dont get me wrong, any woman going through infertility is entitled to all and any feelings. This is a personal goal for myself that I believe I need at this point.

I know a feel people who read my blog will say that I dont have a right to most of the feelings that I have, because I already have a child. Well my response to that is, you are wrong. Secondary infertilty is a horrible feeling also. I always thought after the birth of my daughter (15years ago) that having another baby wouldnt even be an issue. Boy was I wrong. Infact for many years, I thought I would only have Cierra. One day I met the man I was meant to be with my whole life. My husband and I didnt meet until later in life when I truly gave up hope on getting married again or having any more kids. There he was and now we are married and want to share our love by creating life together, and for almost two years that hasnt happened.

I will start injections again hopefully Monday for our 3rd IUI, this time with progesterone. I am going into this cycle with all postive thoughts and a big smile. If it doesnt happen in November, then I will still look at all the great things that did happen this month.