After much thinking, I am making the decision today to be more postive and less consumed with infertility. I promised myself when we started this journey that I would not be one of those bitter, fire breathing woman. Well guess again, that is exactly what I am. I watch the news and get so frustrated on drug addicted woman having babies and not because they want to bring a new life into this world and raise them with unconditional love, no because they are all doped up on drugs and only care about screwing. Or seeing babies with their moms and wondering if that mom had to go through the emotional and phyisical toll of trying to concieve. So yes I am definitely one of those people now, and it stops here!
Starting this month I will make the choice to look at other beautiful things in my life. Such as my wonderful husband who loves me endlessly, my firecracker teenager daughter who sits in her room for the most part because im completely uncool. My two absolutely beautiful nieces who are growing up so fast and learning so much as days go by. The fresh crisp breeze in the mornings as I walk out the door while watching an amazing orange and red sunrise.
These are the things that I want to be engrossed in, not bitterness. Please dont get me wrong, any woman going through infertility is entitled to all and any feelings. This is a personal goal for myself that I believe I need at this point.
I know a feel people who read my blog will say that I dont have a right to most of the feelings that I have, because I already have a child. Well my response to that is, you are wrong. Secondary infertilty is a horrible feeling also. I always thought after the birth of my daughter (15years ago) that having another baby wouldnt even be an issue. Boy was I wrong. Infact for many years, I thought I would only have Cierra. One day I met the man I was meant to be with my whole life. My husband and I didnt meet until later in life when I truly gave up hope on getting married again or having any more kids. There he was and now we are married and want to share our love by creating life together, and for almost two years that hasnt happened.
I will start injections again hopefully Monday for our 3rd IUI, this time with progesterone. I am going into this cycle with all postive thoughts and a big smile. If it doesnt happen in November, then I will still look at all the great things that did happen this month.
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