So sad

Something slipped out of my mouth again last night on the way home. I said " I dont want a baby anyway". My husband just looked at me. I told him that I enjoy our alone time right now and being able to do whatever we want. I didnt say it because I meant it, I said it to protect myself from another let down.  There have been so many new pregnancies lately on my blog. There are also a few of us who are getting negatives. I keep asking myself, what is wrong with me that I cant get pregnant? It is so frustrating to be diagnosed with unexplained infertility. How can everything be working the way it should and no pregnancy? I think this just adds to my whole denial of ever having a baby with my husband. Every night I tell myself that we wont be able to get pregnant so just move on already. The disappointment of this situation is truly over whelming. When I first came into all of this, I was so positive and just knew that all the iuis would work and if they didnt I had ivf to fall back on. The iuis have come and gone along with ivf and still no pregnancy. I wish I didnt have so much anger and bitterness about this whole situation but I do. Now being on the clomid again and trying to fool myself into thinking we actually have a shot at this. I guess I must like self torture or something.  Sorry, I am just down in the dumps. Usually pregnancy annoucements dont phase me but the last week or so has been so hurtful to my soul. I think the realization that its not going to happen to me again is finally setting in.