Thursday, May 31, 2012

Two more days!

We are heading out for Mexico on Saturday. There are absolutely no words to describe how much Al and I needed this trip. We are pretty much using this trip as a late honeymoon and a failed ivf pick me up trip. I originally thought when we planned this trip that the money could be used for fertility treatments and we shouldnt waste it on vacation. Now I have a completely different outlook on things. We need this vacation more then treatments right now. I know that my mind is not in the right place ever since ivf didnt work. I turned into the bitter infertile again. The person I swore I never wanted to be ever. When I say bitter, I dont mean every pregnant woman I see, I get angry and say bad things in my head. I know I have said this before and I want to make it very clear, I am 100% estatic for anyone in this community who has overcome this disease and is now pregnant. The bitterness I have is for me and only me. I find myself angry at me not being able to control what is happening. I am angry that I have unexplained infertilty. No answers, yes having no answers as to why we cant get pregnant is a real kick in the gut. But I know that it is what it is and I cant change any of this. I can take my vitamins, work on my weight, eat healthier, stay away from chemicals, so on and so forth.

Sorry for the going on and on about things I have bitched and complained about 100 times since March. This post was suppose to be about how much I need this trip.

I hope during the time I am gone, all of you in the tww get your bpf's and those waiting on 1st and 2nd ultrasounds see those sweet little heartbeats and then take the time to sit back, smile and enjoy the moment.

Oh today is CD14 and the line on my opk as of last night was almost as dark as control line. I might actually ovulate 2 months in a row on my own.

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