Regrets

Last night while watching t.v. I told Al that I am upset with myself on making the wrong decision about ivf. When we first started the process, there were a few different options available to us.

#1. Pay per cycle through OU at the cost of $9,000 w/o ICSI & $11,000 w/ICSI
#2 Multi cycle program through Attain, 2 fresh cycle & 2 frozen cycles $15,000 not including meds and other things which have added up to $21,000 to date
#3 Refund program through Attain, 3 fresh cycles & 3 frozen cycles $20,000 without meds and othe things which would end up being around $27,000 plus a 75% refund if you didnt take home a baby.

As you all know we chose #2 and now I see that was the wrong choice. Since I was told that we shouldnt expect any frozen and be lucky to get one good embryo to transfer, we have completely over paid for two fresh cycles. I know its all a gamble and some people win and other's lose. Honestly I dont want to do this second cycle. There is no way out of it though because we prepaid and entered into a contract with Attain. I guess the only left to do is just suck it up and go through with this. After #1's big fucked up mess, I dont want to go through all of that again. I know that ivf is diagnostic, but that still doesnt make me feel any better about going into this again. I am not sure if others feel like this, but we just threw away $21,000 up to date and that hurts alot. I have been asking myself if I was one of those people who though ivf would work the first time? Honestly I am not sure, I read so many stories of it working and maybe in the back of my head I thought it would. I know that so many people talk about being postive, but I really dont think positive makes the ivf work or fail. Everything is already set in stone and what is going to happen will happen. I prepared for the worst and hoped for the best, obviously I am not pregnant so the best never happened. Sorry about all the rambling on here today, I am just so mad at myself for locking us into another ivf.

For the cost of 21,000 we could have done:

4 injectable iui's
18 clomid iui's
1 ivf

Just makes me sick. Sorry for the downer post today. Guess everything is really getting to me lately. You definitely wont see me shitting rainbows or farting flowers anytime soon.