Tuesday, April 28, 2015


It was mentioned to me many times that when you have a miscarriage, at least you are getting pregnant and you should be happy about that. Today my heart hearts for someone I know who just found out she lost her pregnancy. I think the hurt cuts even deeper when you finally do get pregnant and lose your baby.

I was personally touched by 6 miscarriages. Only one of them did I ever see the baby and the heartbeat, but I do remember all of my losses.

Thursday, April 23, 2015

What is?

I posted this question in my mommy group this morning. After all the amazing responses I thought I would post the question here also. I look forward to seeing your answers and hope everyone that follows me will participate.

What is one thing you want for your kids or want to do for your kids that you never had?

Tuesday, April 21, 2015


It's not much, but I made a deal with myself on my personal facebook page that I wouldn't post any pictures of the girls all week and instead post something for infertility awareness daily. I know there is a huge misconception out there about infertility and if we help at least one person get the facts, we are helping with awareness and doing our job. It shouldn't all stop because some of us have went on to have children. Unfortunately I have seen so many woman that have a child and move on, forget their past, their journey and it makes me so sad. Yes I do post many pictures of the girls and our lives because it is part of who I am now, but I also went through a long journey to get them and learned so much. I met some pretty amazing woman, some crazy ones along the trip also. Within the past 5 years I have seen woman going through so many phases of their lives. I am happy to say that 90% of them have went on to have babies, whether through treatments, adoption, surrogacy, fostering, etc. I still think of the woman I know that are in the trenches wondering if it will ever be their turn. I can't say how things will turn out for them, but I truly hope with all my heart that every single woman fighting infertility will end up with a happy story regardless how it happens.

For us it took:
4 years
7 iui's
2 ivfs
6 miscarriages 
2 surgeries
A reproductive endocrinologist
A reproductive immunologist
50+ IVIG infusions
Countless medications
Lots of hope and putting one foot in front of the other
A very hard pregnancy
Premmature babies 
A daughter born with several heart issues

But now I look back and wouldn't change one single thing. All of this helped shaped me into the person I am today. It made me a better mother. I don't think I would have been as in tuned to my girls if we didn't have such a struggle and took having babies for granted. I know I wouldn't have.

We were 1 in 8.


Monday, April 20, 2015


This was my post last year after suffering through infertility: I still think of our sisters and brothers in the trenches. Not a day goes by that I don't remember the pain Al and I went through.

"After fighting infertility for over four years straight, Al and I are expecting twins later in the Fall. I think it is very important for people to understand what we went through for to get to this point. During our four year struggle we went through 2 ivf’s, 7 iui’s, 6 miscarriages, 3 surgeries, and too many to count injections and medications. Finally last September we decided to go with an alternative treatment and see a Reproductive Immunologist in Chicago. She found that my body was attacking the embryos and I have several immune issues along with clotting factors. We started on daily blood thinner injections and steroids. I am also doing weekly plasma infusions to keep my body from attacking the babies. It all paid off after so many years of heartbreak. I hope that we are capable of giving these babies everything they need, but I know without a doubt they will be loved beyond measure. I will also NEVER forget our struggle or the others going through this daily.

Friday, April 17, 2015

Funny Friday

Hope everyone has a great weekend! We are still working on the few last repairs to list our house. There was a carpet incident and my aunt (just trying to help) ripped up more carpet than we were going to replace. This set us back a few weeks, but we are waiting for installation to be done next week and then the house is finally ready to list. It has been a complete "no go" on finding a house either, so I guess that is good.

Next week is our 5 year anniversary! We are taking the girls to my sisters house for the night and staying at a nice casino resort for the evening. Awww room service and sleep, what else could a girl ask for?

Monday, April 13, 2015

Daycare Fail

Today was suppose to be Lilah's first day at daycare and I couldn't do it. When I walked in with Olivia, everyone was excited and asked me where Lilah was. I just put my head down and said I needed another day. One.more.day.....

Look who turned 7 months on 4/10


Friday, April 10, 2015

Funny Friday

After a long break, Funny Friday has returned to my blog.

Not sure about anyone else, but my husband buys my tampons and any other embarrassing thing I sent him for Rock star in my eyes

Thursday, April 9, 2015

Carseat Safety

I am having a major breakdown this morning. For weeks now I have seen pictures of babies not buckled in their carseats, in the seats with loose straps, in the seats with one strap, forward facing, in wrong seats etc. I've also noticed that at daycare dropping off and picking up that it seems like it takes me for ever to get Olivia strapped in and placed. Other parents are zooming in out and so quickly. I started observing and noticed why. About 90% of them are putting their children in the seats absolutely incorrect and wrong. 

What does a person do? 

I have approached the owner of the daycare about posting on the bulletin board about car seat safety and that way the parents can see what they are doing! Of course in my opinion it is pure 100% laziness and nothing more. But, it is so very frustrating to see this.

Have you noticed this in your state? 


After posting this, I was so upset that I called my sister and she gave me some wonderful resources. I ordered 20 child safety seat booklets I am going to put up at the center for parents to read. I also called and talked to the owner of the center about my concerns. It seems I am not the first parent to have these issues. I also have a call in to the coliation coordinator of SafeKids Oklahoma to see if she can set up a car seat check and installation at the daycare. 

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

7 months

On April 10th the girls will be 7 months old and 4.5 months adjusted. Where has the time gone? Lately I sit and look at Lilah. I can't honestly believe how different of a baby she is. I remember for some many months of NICU and 4+ months of that damn feeding tube and all the medications, heart surgery and now I look at my beautiful, spunky little girl and just can't believe how far we have made it. It almost seems like a dream. This coming Monday Lilah will start daycare with Olivia. I feel so blessed that we were financial able to keep her out of daycare for 7 months. My aunt from California is still here watching here. I know it is going to break her heart leaving Lilah. They have an amazing connection now.  I see many face time sessions in our future and maybe a few trips to California when the girls are a little older.

Poor Olivia has been battling a nasty stomach virus for well over a week now. Poor kid has a red rear. We have pumped her full of pedialyte, along with rice cereal and bananas. Finally this morning I think she is turning the corner and improving. Yesterday she puked all over her teacher at daycare. So both of them were in different clothes when I picked her up. 

This weekend we are packing the girls up and taking a quick trip to Arkansas to visit Al's grandfather. He is 95 and absolutely loves the babies. I had a photobook made up for him a few weeks ago from Shutterfly. Al's dad said he looks at it about 5 times a day. So sweet!

House Hunting/Selling.................... it is not going great. 

First of all we will start with listing our home. We signed a contract with the realtor two weeks ago. This was after we went through at least 5 realtors that never showed up to look at our house. It was a struggle to find anyone. We happened to find this woman because she was showing a house that we were interested in. After some conversation, she agreed to list out of her area. Well after looking at our house she had a LONG list of repairs we needed to do before it would even list.: 
New carpet in loft and back room
New paint throughout the house
Rip down guttering outside
Replace wood trim pieces outside 
Repaint the wood on outside of house.
 Our little house:

Stage where it looks like we don't own 2 dogs, 2 cats, 2 babies

Right now we have everything done except the new carpet laid, and painting outside. New carpet should be installed within the week and she will have her professional photographer come take pics and list it. 
So at every showing of our home we have to take dogs, cats, babies and hide crates, litter boxes etc. Also stage. Because our house is so small and we need everything that is in there right now, before a showing we will have to pull up Al's truck and load all the crap we use on daily basis while house is being shown. I would say she is effing insane for requesting this, but I want to sell and move so badly. ( In case you think think this is as crazy as I do, let me put the cherry on top), our house is only going to be listed for $108,000. That is a hell of a lot of work for such a cheap listing. Agreed??

Now on to House Hunting..................................
It sucks.

We have one small certain area we want to live in and our budget is even smaller. There are certain things we must have.:

1 acre lot for animals
Storm cellar

The bottom 3 we can add after buying the house, but it would be nice to have it all there. So the houses we are looking at ranges about a total of 10-15 to choose from. Like I said, this house selling/ hunting really sucks

So wish us luck!!

Friday, April 3, 2015

Adjusted Ages and Information

I would love to hear from any of you that had preemies 32 weeks or earlier and how they have developed over time with their adjusted ages.

I tell myself over and over that I can't compare my girls to other babies that are 6 1/2 months old and were full term because there is a huge difference.

Olivia is rolling over and this has been a huge accomplishment in the Rapp household. Our pediatrician said both girls are on track for 3+ months old (which is their adjusted age). They are still So little! Olivia is still under 12 pounds and Lilah is a little over 10 pounds. They are wearing 0-3 months in clothes and in fact, Lilah can still wear newborn. My girls are just little peanuts. I know with Lilah that she has a lot to overcome with her heart surgery and prematurity.

Please share your stories with me and help ease a mom's mind..................................

OH and I do get tired of taking them out in public and people constantly commenting on our " new babies".