Waiting and Wondering

Today is 20DPO or 4w6d and I am in new territory. I am sitting at work with lots of anxiety about my 5th beta. Sitting here wondering what number would be acceptable. Wondering if I will be smiling at the end of this day or crying due to another loss. Lots is going through my mind right now. I can't lie, I do have symptoms. I also have a deep feeling that that this won't be good at the end of the day. Then I have another part of me that says it will be okay and my levels are rising. Then the anxiety kicks in high and I wonder if my levels are okay today, what will they be in two more days? If I ever needed a valium, today is the day for it! Or maybe I just need to get myself together and be reasonable. I am afraid to talk about symptoms or show the test that I continued to take after I said I wouldn't. But that is what I love about my blog. I can come on here and ramble, or whine, or obsess, or act crazy, or make no sense at all. It is my outlet to do all of these things.

Symptom check as of today:

Sore boobs
backache
insomnia
constipation
weird sensations in my uterus
headache
starting to pee more frequently, but not much more

Here are my test for today: I am mainly documenting this so if it comes down to it and this pregnancy is another chemical, I can compare if we get pregnant again. 

I don' really see a change in any of them for the past three days. I also know that FRER will stay the same for a while before it starts pulling from control line.

 Can I please just have a 442 today on my beta. Even though it is way lower then average for 20DPO, it is doubling.


Also thanks to everyone who still visits my page within the last two weeks of pure craziness. I really love it and appreciate your support.