Friday, February 22, 2013


For anyone that knows me in real life, they know I am a complete clean freak (OCD) on my house. That was until about 2 weeks ago. Laundry is piled up, there are little dog and cat fur balls floating around the floors. One of the cats has all of Cierras rubber-band scattered all over the house, along with my zofran packages he pulls out of garbage to bat around. I make it through the day at work and truly plan to go home and do something, anything, but it doesn't happen. I sit in my recliner and if I can I eat some dinner and then in bed sleeping by 8 p.m. The funny thing is, I don't think I am suffering from fatigue, but by looking at my pattern, I am. Al has really picked up the pace around the house within the last few weeks. Gosh can you say I feel worthless?

Last night he made some sort of sausage, beef lasagna thing that sounded really good UNTIL he started cooking it. I knew I wouldn't be able to eat it and the smell was making me sick. So when dinner was done cooking, I got up and just couldn't do it. Al looked and me and said " Well don't eat it then baby" very passive aggressive. I knew he was upset, but it is not like these things are in my control. I have noticed one minute I am hungry and the next I am feeling blah. 

Of course things in our house have not been to great lately. I haven't went into this much, but it has caused A LOT of stress on our marriage. My husband has a rescue dog that he rescued in New Jersey about 5 years ago. He is part pit bull and part lab and had a lot of emotional issues. He suffers severe separation anxiety and whines very loudly all the time. If he is in another room, he paces and cries. He gets into trash, he pees in his crate, he fights the other dogs, he nips at you if you scare him. He is a complete fucking disaster and I am to my wits end with him. No shelter will take him due to his aggressive nature from anxiety and the only option we have is to have him put down or keep him until he dies. We constantly fight and I am so tired of cleaning pee blankets and garbage up. I am so tired of the dog fights. So I told Al the other night he is washing pee blankets daily and cleaning up after his dog. It is such a sore spot in our household and the cause of 98% of our stress. I can't make him put his dog down, but I also don't know how to keep living this way. I think if we ever divorced it would be over this dog. So to say the least, things are stressful right now on top of everything else. I also know that this is not the dogs fault and he was abused, but a person can only take so much.

U/S in four days.

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