Sunday, February 3, 2013

Sunday Blues

I woke up this morning not feeling to confident about this pregnancy progressing. I think the numbers yesterday started my negative mood and looking at the pee sticks not getting darker, plus all of the symptoms gone just made me feel even worse. As we all know, you know your body better then anyone else. I have a feeling that again my body is failing me. As I sit here, I am not emotional about it like I thought I would be. I sit here very numb and disconnected as I have been in the past. Do I know for sure this is another failed pregnancy? No I don't, but I have a strong feeling in the pit of my stomach that tomorrows news is not going to be the news I want to hear. Last night I kept dreaming about stupid betas and my levels were so low compared to other peoples. In my dream it was over and I knew it. To make things worse I have added to the crazy and started googling numbers. I couldn't find one successful pregnancy that had hcg level of 221 at 18DPO. 

I also know how strong I am. I talked to Al about it and we are prepared to move forward regardless what happens. Have you ever felt like you have come to far to give up? Even if all the odds are against you and you just keep getting kicked down? It has to work out eventually right? Isn't that the moral of story always? Keep fighting and you will win. Good over evil. Persistence pays off. I guess only time will tell. All I know is for today, this sucks! 

Infertility. You are the biggest bitch I have ever met and believe me, I have met a lot of bitches! 

Yes I am now resorting to three different test. I admit I have a problem and need professional help with the stic

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