Monday, February 25, 2013

End of our story

7W5D, no heartbeat.

Our story ends here. I don't think after three plus years of trying this is how our story would end, but it did. I had to go in this morning by myself and heard the news I knew deep down I would this morning. I think we all have that gut feeling that overrides any normal emotions of being anxious or nervous. I knew. Deep down I knew from day one with my levels being so low. My sister offered to drive an hour to be with me this morning, but I told her no. I knew in my heart and didn't want to see the sadness in her eyes either. I already had to deal with it from the doctor and nurses. Everyone staring at you with such hurt and sadness. I really hate when people act that way toward me. The doctor said I had been through so much and deserved a break. Of course I did, but don't we all? They took my hcg levels and will retest Friday to see if they are dropping. I declined a D&C as this is it for Al and I on the fertility treatments. We pick up the pieces and move on the only way we know how. I do wish I knew when it was going to happen so I could take some time off work. I sit here this morning with co-workers already called in for the day and try to keep it together and not cry until I am at home where I can officially process and deal with this.

Talk about a crappy Monday.

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