Today I am officially 21DPO. I have decided not to put anything pregnancy related on my blog at this time. I am to nervous and in limbo to think about a ticker or a the cute little weekly pregnancy updates. Not sure if I will ever be to that point. Heck you might read my blog and it say 100DPO, lol. My sticks this morning look great. It has been my odd goal to get my sticks so dark they pull from the control line. Yeah like I said, my "odd" goal. I do know one thing for sure. I want to use my blog to document and remember anything from this pregnancy, rather it last 5 weeks or 40 weeks. I sit here this morning and I feel so blessed there aren't even words to describe. Yes, also scared and a little apprehensive, but mainly blessed.
I spoke with my sister on the phone last night and as we were talking, she mentioned that she looked at some of the bloggers who follow me. Her heart was breaking that we all have gone through so much to have a baby. She was so upset. See my sister may not be infertile, but she does understand the fear of day to day pregnancy. When she was pregnant with my youngest nieces she had her placenta start ripping away. She had heavy bleeding everyday of her pregnancy along with blood clots and was put on bed rest. We were all very scared that she was going to miscarry and it was a very traumatic situation for her. My niece was born early and had some health issues, also spent time in the NICU. So my sister does somewhat get the fear I have of losing this pregnancy. I am very lucky to have her in my life and be such a huge support. As of right now the only person in my family that knows about this is my sister, and no one in Al's family knows. Friends don't know. We want to keep it that way for a while. I definitely won't be on facebook picking out cribs or clothes at 5 weeks. Which let me add, it is okay for the people that do. I would never pass judgement against others for the way they choose to celebrate their miracles. I do want to sit here today and soak up the moment I have been blessed with, no matter how short or how long. We made it! We have passed all our over losses and been to a place that is new and exciting. I think the most important thing to remind myself of daily is, this moment can never be taken from me. I am in love with the possibility of being a mother for the second time in my life. I am in love with the possibility that Al could be a father for the first time in his life. I am in love that Cierra could have a brother or a sister. I am in love with the idea that so many people cared for us, prayed for us, talked with us, supported us. If I lose this pregnancy, I will never lose any of the amazing things that came along with it and will cherish from this day forward.
So please little pea, stick with me. Your dad and I already love you so much and have so many things to teach you, and to love you for the rest of our lives.