Monday, February 11, 2013

Tomorrow is the big day. There aren't words to really explain how I am feeling. I am suffering from insomnia horribly. I did manage to fall asleep for a hour or so last night and then had nightmares that we had a empty sac  on our ultrasound. That did not help with the fact I already have such low hcg levels. I do realize how bad I sound right now, but I am in a serious funk. Not sleeping for weeks now has really pushed me over the edge. I am so angry that I don't even want to be around anyone. Of course I haven't been pregnant for over 16 years, it is hard to remember how I felt the last time. I do know that I looked at a pee stick one day and said oh I am pregnant. Never thought anything of it after that. What I would do have have back those blissful ignorant days, instead of over-analyzing everything and worrying about everything. I am so scared about tomorrow, if there is an empty sac or no heartbeat I have to start over from scratch, again. That is what kills me the most. At least with all my other cycles with the exception of ectopic, I was back in the saddle after a cycle. Sorry I know really know this sounds like the whinning negative post I always complain about and I hate myself for being this way right now. Just can't shake things...

Ultrasound tomorrow at 7:30. I will update with whatever the news is.

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