Wednesday, May 1, 2013


I have never been so out of touch with my body until this last miscarriage. Yes I also took things into my own hands and took some medications that I should have waited to take. I have no one to blame but myself. I blogged a little about this yesterday so forgive me if I repeat what has already been said. My doctor called in a prescription last week for provera. I guess we all decided that 60 days after miscarriage and no AF was long enough. Any longer and I might lose my shit ever more then I have. Well I didn't want to start it until we got back from our anniversary trip (which was Sunday). I took a pregnancy test just to make sure and it had a very faint positive. The next day was the same and then the line faded. So I do believe some how we managed to have fertilization but no implantation. Yesterday I started bleeding (FINALLY)! Called my clinic with cd#1 and got my surgery scheduled. Insert happy smiles!! By last night the bleeding totally stopped and nothing this morning on way to work. Thought I was wrong AGAIN. Called clinic and left a message that I have no freaking idea what the hell my body is doing anymore. Fast forward another hour..... come to work, use bathroom and a whole bunch of red blood comes out and now bleeding again. Not sure for how long or if this is going to last or just another teaser is my life lately.

After all we have been through I have tried so hard to stay positive and upbeat, but this last miscarriage and what is following has really messed with me. I don't think I have ever been more depressed! I don't think my meds are working either or they are making things worst, not sure. I sure hope with everything I have that this surgery is a turning point to good things happening in the fertility world. So many years, so many losses, so much money...... I am honestly going to say something I never thought I would say BUT when will it be my turn? I have been patient. Please cut me a break...........................

Just heard back from  my clinic. I am going on bcp until surgery next week. She said that even if I quit bleeding again we are moving forward.  

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