E2 Levels

So I just got a call from my clinic. My E2 levels are 987 and the doctor is dropping my Follistim again. Tonight is 100 iu and tomorrow is 75iu. I wont lie I am starting to get worried,. My doctor is VERY conservative. I know that if he doesnt get this under control, they will cancel my ivf cycle. The RN told me not to be worried that they will get this where it needs to be and that I should be happy I am responding so well. She also told me I have to take into consideration that I have alot of follicles and that makes a huge difference. Jeez i am really starting to get stressed out.

Stims Day 5 (We missed a few)

I just got done with my u/s & bloodwork for Stims day (5). Looks like we missed a few on my baseline. As of this morning I have 24 follies on left and 14 on right.  With that being said there is only a cluster of follies around 9mm right now. I think the nurse told me about 16 of them. The remaining are smaller then 7, so not all of them will be matured when we do retreival. I am very happy with those numbers though. She said I am responding very well. My lining is at a 7 today and I will update with my E2 levels later in the day when I recieve them. Today I am causiously optomistic.

Pinch me...............

I know that everything im going through is probably, perfectly normal or I hope so. I am about 7 days from retreival and at times I do know this is happening, but the majority of the time its like a dream. Going through the process of getting prepped for ivf is unmistakeable, you know its really happening. Most of the time I know that I am going in next week to have this done but its like I dont truly accept it. Does that make any sense at all? This morning driving to work I thought " im going through all of this and its very possible to get my AF within a week after transfer" you know? All of this time and preparation and it could be just like another cycle. Please dont get my wrong, I am not being negative about this at all. Its just hard for me to swallow the fact of getting pregnant after many failed attempts and 2plus years of trying. I guess I am used to the fact of things not working. I have almost accepted that fact?  Then my next thought is...... so far things are going picture perfect in this cycle. I heard so many stories about woman bleeding on bcp, not me. I am responding very well to stims and have been told I have at least 29 follicles at my baseline. I have been to this rodeo and I know that it doesnt always end well. Maybe the fear is finally setting in about failure, idk. My one hope is that we are at least able to have embryos to freeze. In a way its almost like a safety net of some type for me.  Im just really nervous, excited, scared, and hopeful.

Ok im done. Thanks for listening. Im sure this is very common among woman going through ivf. I will update tomorrow on my u/s and E2 levels. I have acupuncture twice this week also and day before retreival. I have to say that the money I have spent on acupuncture is well worth it! If not anything else, it has really helped my anxiety levels.

Update: I went to the bathroom and looked at my stomach. I have bruises all over! Ok yes I might be a little weird, but I am excited! Almost another right of passage with ivf patients :)

Holy Follicles!

Stims day 2 and well my E2 levels are already 388. I am decreasing Follistim tonight. I asked if they are concerned that my levels are already so high? She said not at all they think I will have lots of eggs. Kinda excited about my u/s Wednesday morning.

Stims Day 3

Actually as of right now its still day 2 since I dont do my injections until evening time. I did ask my nurse about that this morning. She said the reason they want me to take injections together and at night is because if we need to change any medications after bloodwork then I can do it that day and not have to wait until the next day (makes sense to me).

I can honestly say that my stims are going fantastic. Headache and some dizziness seems to be the other side effects as of now. Since im doing (3) injections per side each night, my tummy is a little sore. Actually the Lupron needle is the worst. The insulin needles are so small and dull that it never wants to penetrate my skin and I have to jab the hell out of myself for it to go through. Follistim is wonderful and Menopur is fine also. Lets just get rid of that evil Lupron, it has been nothing but a pain in the butt since day one.

My boss said "your having surgery next week?" I replied yes Joe. Then he said what are you getting done again? My reply " I am having all of my eggs aspirated. Then he looks at me and says Oh my god that doesnt sound fun. LOL the price you have to pay for a baby :) I have been very up front with my boss and coworkers about going through this. Infact I have even educated everyone, including my boss of infertility and the cost of going through ivf, emotionally, and financially. Looking at my calendar I about fell over, realizing my retreival is going to be next week! All this time I thought it would never get here and now its right around the corner. Ive been having the same conversation with my ovaries also just so they know how important it is to grow and hopefully they get the memo.

Will update my E2 levels when I hear back from clinic. Before I forget, congrats to all of the BFP's within this last week, wow!

Stims Day 1

Tonight was night 1 of stims. My doctor told me the other day that once I start my stims the side effects from Lupron will be better. I decided to do all three shots in one side a night and alternate. Yay!!!! getting so close now.

 

Update on Personhood Act (Part One)

So I went to the press conference held at the State Capital today. I was so moved after hearing the doctors, advocates and also patients who have went through ivf. I wont lie, I cried and cried some more. I dont understand how lawmakers in the State of Oklahoma can justify pushing this bill through. I dont see how they can look at "Susan" who had cancer at the age of 19 in her ovaries and survived that while in law school, married and found out the only way she could have children was through ivf. How in the holy hell do you justify this bill? Let me tell you what "Mr. Big Pants, who only cares about getting re-elected does. He comes up with a short bill that is 7 lines to use as a smoke screen to get the real bill to pass right behind. He uses the Parenthood Act as a pro-life/pro-choice and then here comes the kicker, you know the one that puts restrictions on ivf and birth control also ectopic pregnancies. Yeah I found out so much today.

Tuesday, February 29th from noon until 3 at the State Capital is a protest. I will be at this protest with my sign and a witty saying on it (still working on that part). I will be there with disgust on my face for the 38 assholes who passed this through the Senate. I will be there with disgust on my face for our Governor who is so pro-life she believes a woman should die before having an abortion. I will be there showing disgust on my face for a bill that state NO woman shall have an abortion, not in cases of rape nor incest nor medical necessity. Now will someone tell me how this is constitutional?  Will someone please tell me when Senator Crane went to medical school? How he understands exactly how conception works? Oh I forgot, he didn't go to Medical School but he obviously has some right to tell me that I don't mean shit! He has the right to tell me that I have absolutely no say on my body. Well Senator Crane, I disagree and I will be there Tuesday and along with my witty sign, I will have a sign that promises your ass and the 37 others along with Governor Mary Fallin will not be reelected! Or at least you will not get my vote and any other vote from any other woman who pays tens of thousands of dollars to be able to bring a baby into this world for us to love.

Thanks for listening to my rant this evening. I just want to know what in the hell has happened to this world? Where are woman's rights in this country going?

Oklahomans please sign!

http://www.change.org/petitions/persons-against-personhood-in-oklahoma?utm_medium=facebook&utm_source=share_petition&utm_term=share_with_facebook_friends


This is a petition for the Personhood Act in Oklahoma. If you cant make it to Capital to voice your concerns, please, please sign this petition and let our lawmakers know that this is NOT OK!
Come on ladies lets be proactive about our bodies and let government know they cant have control of my uterus!

Media Alert for Oklahomans

Media Alert
Oklahoma Infertility Physicians and Patients to Explain Their Opposition to SB 1433 and HJR 1067 (Personhood Legislation)

WHEN: Friday February 24, 2012
WHERE: Oklahoma State Capitol Room 432B (Capitol Press Room) at 1:00pm
... SUBJECT: Medical professionals and patients opposing Personhood legislation (SB 1433 and HJR 1067)
WHO:
Atlee Breland (Mississippi): Founder of Parents against Personhood, infertility patient and mother of three; leader of Parents Against MS26, a grassroots organization integral to the defeat of Mississippi’s personhood ballot initiative in November 2011.
Dana Stone, MD (Oklahoma City): Obstetrician-gynecologist in private practice.
Eli Reshef, MD (Oklahoma City): Reproductive specialist, Medical Director, Bennett Fertility Institute.
Oklahoma Patients with Infertility.
“Personhood” legislation”, giving any biological entity from a fertilized egg on the status of a person, has been introduced this year in the Oklahoma legislation as SB 1433 (Crain, Billy) and HJR 1067 (Reynolds). The medical community and patients view such legislation as dangerous, carrying a broad range of destructive consequences to health care in Oklahoma, particularly devastating to infertility treatments.
Personhood legislation will criminalize the practice of complex infertility treatments, including the handling of embryos in the in vitro fertilization (IVF) process. Infertility affects 10-12% of all couples in Oklahoma. For many of them, IVF is the only procedure become parents. IVF, as practiced to the current standard of care, will leave physicians open to criminal prosecution if embryos are classified as legal “persons” Doctors providing IVF will consequently stop offering IVF treatments for fear of criminal prosecution and couples living with infertility in our state will be denied the opportunity to build their families.
The Oklahoma medical community, including the Oklahoma State Medical Association, as well as national organizations (including the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, American College of Obstetrician-gynecologists, and RESOLVE :The National Infertility Association), strongly oppose Personhood legislation.
Interviews are available after the press conference.

 

 

I will be attending tomorrow. I hope to see any of my fellow Oklahomans there with me. Remember this is your uterus we are fighting for.

Back Up Plan

Last night driving home I looked at my husband and decided to make sure we were on the same page. He doesnt say alot about our upcoming ivf. Of course I talk about it all the time throughout the day. I have my blog, on facebook I am involved with Attain and Resolve and I also know a person or two in real life struggling. So I can honestly say that I am very involved daily in my infertility and treatment course. So last night I wanted to really get a feel for where my husband is at on this. He is still leaning towards transferring one embyro the first go around and if that doesnt work then transfer two on the second. I was on a similar page with him, but now im not so sure for the following reasons.

1. If we dont get any frozen embyros that means another fresh cycle and I would perfer not to be on Lupron until hell freezes over (if I have a choice)
2. From all the reseach and blog following I have done, you seem to have a better chance with two, even if one is the textbook perfect embryo.
3. If at all possible I would love to only do one cycle of ivf and be able to achieve pregnancy ( I also know the odds of 1st cycle being successful)

Now with all that being said (see #3) I am a complete realist and I know the odds of our first cycle working. I wanted to prepare my husband for the fact that we may not get frozen embryos, that is is the in most cases the "exception to rule" so with that being said we may only have two fresh cycles. On our Attain Multi-Cycle we paid for (2) fresh and (2) frozen. I am truly hoping that we can at least get (1) frozen cycle out of this. I know many people are probably thinking that I should just concentrate on this first ivf and not worry about anything after that. Let me make it clear that I am planning, I am a planner and I want to make sure everything is in place.

I also discussed with my husband last night that it is a possibility that none of the cycles work. At this point we need to realize that our journey is over. We have talked extensively about adoption and it is not for us. So we need to also prepare for the fact that if this doesnt work we have to move on with our lives (as hard as that will be). By the time we get ivf paid off it will be to late to start all over again. I hope and pray this wont be an option for us in the end. With that being said I have to be realistic that it is possible.

Strangly enough I am pretty calm at this point. Actually so much better then I thought I would be at this point. I have thought about all of the possibilites going into this and dont think that I will be caught off guard through this process like I was with our iuis. I have learned so much since that point. If I had anything to do over again, I would have skipped right passed iui and went to ivf. Lesson learned on that one :)

50 followers. Wow thank you ladies so much for all the love and support. I dont know where I would be without it.

* Before I forget, I know my titles for blogs are so lame but I am NOT a creative person at all :)

Oops forgot: Yes I know im all over the freaking place today, sorry. Last night I walk in my acunpuncture appointment. The first thing he always does at beginning is take my pulse. My pulse always runs really high usually 110 or so. Well last night it must have been through the roof and he asked what was going on. My reply was "Oklahoma politics and our new interstate" LOL so we had a nice long chat about Personhood Act. I almost feel like instead of "occupying wallstreet protestors" we need people at the capital fighting for rights to our uteruses! I am so passionate about this and in some ways that is really bad. I get very emotional and my blood pressure shoots through the roof. Now that the House is outnumbered 2/1 Rep over Dems, this law is a shoe in for Oklahoma and there is nothing I can do about it. I have never been so absolutely frustrated and angry in my entire life. Ok end of rant now.

Baseline

I went in this morning for my baseline u/s and bloodwork. I wont have results back on estrogen until afternoon (keeping my fingers crossed its low). On my u/s my lining is 6mm, I have 14 antral follicles on right side and 15 on left side. I stopped my bcp on Saturday and im already on cd2. So everything on u/s looks pretty good. I thought my lining should be thinner then it was but the doctor didnt say anything so I suppose its ok.

I will update later this afternoon on my estrogen and hopefully its go time.

UPDATE: E2 was nice and low starting Follistim 200IU and Menopur 1 ampule on Saturday.

This is my Wordless Wednesday on Tuesday (Very Powerful)

Word Verifications

There are a few blogs that I tried to comment on this morning and went through the NEW word verifications least 10 times. I can not read these words and im sorry but I will not be commenting on your blogs anymore because it wastes alot of time trying to decipher two words now instead of one. Sorry guys.

Feeling Human Again

I am actually back at work today and it feels good. I never miss work, ever. Today is day 9 for my Lupron and the side effects seem to be tapering off some. I took my last pill on Saturday and im currently waiting for cd1, which I hope comes before Wednesday because that is my baseline u/s. I also want to apologize for not commenting much within the last few days. I have been staying away from blogs and trying to keep my mind where it needs to be, sorry.

Yesterday one of my very close friends had thier little boy and he is the most amazing little fellow ever. I stayed at the hospital all day and held him, played with him and helped mom and dad. I cant wait for the following weeks of seeing them and it will also help me pass time of our upcoming ivf. Some days I truly think its going to work and other I find myself thinking it wont. We have (3) shots at this and then its over and my husband and I move on. I dont have the money for adoption and honestly I dont think I am cut out for adoption. Yes I know all woman going through IF should adopt (love that stereotype). I think everyday that gets closer I am so nervous. I think as of today I am 2 weeks and 1 day away from retreival, Yikes!!!!! I have the rest of my Hunger Game books coming in and have started watching SuperNatural on netflix. I just now started season 2 so that should keep me busy for weeks!

I am keeping my fingers crossed for those of you having betas today! I hope, hope, hope you get your bfp's!

Added Note after fact: My doctors office called and said I have my bloodwork/us regardless of cd 1 or not, YAY!

Sitting Home Saturday

Well it is 6:15 pm here in Oklahoma and I am still in my pajamas. I know its kinda gross, but I feel terrible still. Good news, tonight is my last birth control pill and then I call my clinic with cd 1 whenever that comes. Is there a guideline on how long it takes after you stop the pills? I am set for my baseline u/s on Wednesday. 

I can officially say that the Lupron and/or bcp have made me a complete emotional mess. I was watching the movie 50/50 today and found myself crying uncontrollably. WTH? I am so far from emotional and this isn't cutting it. I always grew up thinking that crying made you a weak person. I know from years of counseling that this is so far from the truth, but it is so hard to break habits that have been instilled into you since you were a toddler. As for that note, another time, another place for that story, Lol.

Personhood Act

I want to say with great distaste that today I am NOT proud to be an Oklahoman. The Personhood Act was passed through the Senate and is now going through the House of Representatives (which means this bill is a shoe in for Oklahoma). I have lived here my whole life and have heard so many times that Oklahoma is completely backwoods and filled with judgmental hypocrites. I agree. This act now states that life begins at conception ( when sperm meets the egg) yes you heard that correctly. Not even an embryo yet. So now my egg and my husbands sperm have rights and let me tell you this..... I am pissed. Yes pissed at the fact that now The State Of Oklahoma is making bills that effect my egg and my husbands sperm. This new bill may not seem like much to most people, but it is HUGE for couples going through infertility. I can say with confidence that I am doing everything possible to show my representatives the DISTASTE I have for this bill.  The problem with Oklahoma is it is filled with, dare I say Republicans who feel they should play god and make sure that everyone in the state abides by their beliefs in religion (pure and simple)

I am so purely fed up with Religion & Politics! 

3 Weeks!

One package down! This Saturday will be my last bcp hopefully forever. As of today I have (3) weeks until retreival. Sitting here leading up till the big days, I keep thinking about everything I have done in preparation. I can honestly say I have prepared my 100% for this procedure. I wont look back and have any regrets of things I could have done better or more of because there isnt anything. I feel pretty confident about the stims. I know that during all of my iuis I had a pretty decent number of follies and the doctor said I responded wonderfully. Of course according to my doctor everything is perfect with me, great ovarian reserve, etc. We all know thats not the case or I probably would have been pregnant out of (4) injectable iuis. Do I think our first ivf is going to work? Honestly I dont know. I know its hard to guess right now without all the information in front of me. I do know one thing, I promised myself and it was even part of my New Years Resolution, I cant freak out about this step by step. I cant freak on number of follies, how many matured, fertilized, etc. etc. I know honestly in my heart that what is going to happpen is going to happen and there is nothing I can do to change that fact. So this time I will try my hardest to step out of my control freak nature and just go with it. I want to have a baby more than anything, but I cant lose my sanity in the process. I know that each one of us reacts differently being in this situation and I dont think that anyone is wrong nor right. At this point the only thing I can do is still hope for the best and prepare for the worst.  Also I keep thinking that getting pregnant is all in the numbers and or odds. Ive had a few failed cycles so far within last two years so eventually I am going to get a positive :)

Oh on Lupron front, today has been much better. I can actually breathe and from what I understand, breathing is a pretty important part of life. I decided this morning that as long as I am breathing then this Lupron can kiss my butt because I have things to do!

To help pass some time, I started reading the Hunger Games and I have to admit that I really love this book. I already ordered #2 from Amazon yesterday. Now when I watch the movie I will have some sense of what is going on. I think next on my reading list is the Sookie Stackhouse series. I love True Blood. I have been told by a few people that the series didnt follow the books at all. That is the only reason I have waited to read them up until now. Finally I want to read the Game of Thrones series. Btw Game of Thrones 2nd Season premiers on April 1st! If any of you have good suggestion on some books, please let me know. For the most part I read almost anything besides those pukey love novels, please! I have barf building up in my throat thinking of Fabio with his girly hair blowing in the breeze.

Next big appointment is February 22nd. We go in for our baseline u/s and also blood testing for infectious diseases. 

Lupron is Evil.

I take back all the kinds words I had towards my Lupron. Yes the injections are a piece of cake, but the side effects are freaking horrible! I am having really bad headaches, nausea and now dry mouth and a thirst I cant quench.

Edited: Has anyone else suffered from shortness of breath on this crap?

Sorry I am just completely bitchy today and sitting here wondering why we have to go through this shit to have a baby? At this moment, I dislike every woman in the world that get spontenously get pregnant.

The End.

First Snow!

I am excited and saddened to annouce our first Oklahoma snow of the season and most likely our last :( I really wanted a cold snowy winter this year but no luck with our unseasonably warm weather. At least I took a picture of it!

 On the sickness front, I definitely think it is a sinus issue. I am still really lightheaded and dizzy. I have tons of mucus running down my throat, along with headaches and nausea. I am riding the sinus storm out and hopefully it will pass within the next week.

Night 1 of Lupron

To bad all of my injections aren't more like  Lupron. I love the teeny tiny needle also :)

To Refrigerate or Not?

Ok ladies, I knew if anyone could answer this for me, it would be one of my fellow bloggers. I was watching a YouTube video on Lupron injections and the woman mentioned refrigerating it. I didn't go to my injection classes at clinic since we have done Menopur before that that was the hardest one to mix. Am I suppose to refrigerate my Lupron after opening? I would call and ask clinic but I start injections tomorrow night and they have answering service on weekends unless its an emergency. Any help would be really appreciated.


Oh and on sickness front, my throat is really sore tonight. I sure hope im not getting strep, ugh.

Still Feeling Blah

I am now really starting to think that it wasnt my blood sugar that bottomed out. Three days later and im still feeling exactly the same. The lightheadedness is killing me, I hate that feeling. Ive been walking around for a few days now feeling disconnected and like im going to pass out any minute, ugh. My nose has been running for over a week now, maybe it is a sinus infection of some sort and my inner ears are messed up. Either way, I would really like to feel better soon.  Im going to try to finish cleaning and then lay down for a bit. It has taken me almost an hour to clean our office and it wasnt even dirty (ugh). 

Hope everyone has a great weekend. Tomorrow I start my Lupron and as of today, seven days and counting until im done with bcp.

The "S" Workup for Ivf

Just got a call from our clinic and DH's sperm work up was excellent. I didnt ask about the (3) M's. What is the sense of asking when all I will do is googling and try to find something better and worry. Nope. So she said they will do ICSI on a few and natural fertilization on them also. I explained to her that we already talked to Dr. H about this and made it very clear we are doing ICSI on at least 90% of the eggs and natural on remaining. Heck since its our choice and ICSI has a higher fertilization rate,  that is what I want. She is so sweet. She said she would put a huge note in our chart that way there was no miscommunication on what our wishes were.


I really feel good about this.

Rough Night

Yes this was me yesterday toward the end of work and most of the night. Since ive been eating better, I  no longer have anykind of sugary snacks at work (bad idea). I didnt put much thought into my food yesterday at work. Didnt eat breakfast, no snack and for lunch I had a little bowl of brown rice. My sugar bottomed out around 2 and I was so sick to my stomach. I took a phenagran and I think that made things ten times worse. Thank goodness my DH and I drove together and he drove us home. I think mistake #2 was getting home and finding the wrong kind of sugar. I ate two handfuls of cinamon toast crunch and a half of glass of my daughters Cierra Mist, eww. I felt like shit all night long. I passed out on couch until 8 last night and then went to bed and slept until 7:30 this morning. Lesson learned. Today I bought some peanuts to snack, but I still dont feel 100%.

Ok enough whinning. Its friday and I start Lupron in two days!

Apologize

Most of the people on here that follow my blog and vice/versa have never met me in real life. If you did know me, then you would know that I am a kind, good person and never stride to be hurtful to anyone going through a struggle in life. I wont lie, I am an asshole sometimes although I try not to be. If you are following my blog, please know that things can easily be misconstrued. Reading a blog is simply looking at words and even with exclamation points etc. its hard for your emotions or words to be taken in the correct concept every now and then.  Now with that being said (here comes the bad part of me), this is my blog and its a place where I feel comfortable to write how I am feeling and I can be 100% uncensored and honest.  If you feel offended by something I write, please feel free to email me at tonisharapp@yahoo.com and lets discuss the issue.

Going through primary and/or secondary infertility is hard. I know from personal experience it has really effected me in so many ways and it has effected my relationships with friends, families and even my husband. There is no easy answer or way around it and hopefully it is a fight we will all overcome. Just remember that what is right for one person isnt always right for the next and we may all express our feelings and/or actions in different ways.

I hope everyone has a great day. I will truly try not to piss another person off this week.

Sharing

Here is another one of the things I love....... My tattoo.

I think last night after I sat at the table staring at all of my medications, it really, really hit me. This is real and I, Tonisha am going through ivf. I guess I knew from the moment we walked in the door at the RE's office that I would be doing ivf, but it just doesnt get anymore real then this huh. Today is day16 of bcp and I start Lupron this Sunday evening. After examining all of my medications, the only one that scares me somewhat is the progesterone oil. I am not afraid of needles and shots dont bother me, but it seems that needle is the size of a freaking pencil, LOL. and for 10 weeks? I told my husband last night to get prepared and he looked at me all sad and said " honey I dont have to get prepared, you do. YOur the one that is getting a huge needle in your butt" I am hoping that he is one of those people who give good shots :)


Last week at our ART consult we discussed with our doctor the number of embryos he recommended transferring. To be very honest we want one healthy baby. I know doing ivf the chances of twins are alot higher. We have talked about this for months and asked our doctor if maybe the first go around we could transfer one and if that didnt take maybe the second go around we would transfer two. He doesnt recommend that for us, infact he strongly stated he thinks we should transfer two (of course this is also based on the condition of embryos when transfer comes.) Since my husband and I will both be 37 this year. Im sorry guys but the thought of twins scare me! I know that people say things always work out and I do believe that to some extent but I am still scared to death of the notion of twins. I think financially moreso then anything else. Guess on the day of transfer the ultimate decision will be made and I did tell the doctor that we 100% trust his opinions and experiences.


Tonight is acupuncture and im really looking forward to some relaxation time :) I told my acupuncturist about all the lovely ladies on my blog and he thinks that is so amazing to have support from woman all over the world. I agreed.

Meds!

As promised. A right of passage among us ladies going through ivf. Without further adue:

Touch Back!

I always forget except for today. 40 Followers, wow thanks so much for the ongoing support you ladies show me. I know all of you have helped get me through some pretty crappy days. Now onto my story for the day:

Yes ladies you heard me, the doctor touched the back of the uterus today after only 15 minutes. My mock transfer was a 100% success. He said that  he "finally figured out the combination" LMAO! So my second piece of great news. I finally got up the courage to weigh myself at the RE office. I havent weighed since I started my new healthier eating plan and im down 8 lbs. I was really happy to see that implementing better foods and getting rid of bad ones could actually make a difference with NO exercise and it did. Ok last bit of great news and my biggest blessing by far is my donation of follistim by a dear, dear friend. I went to meet her last night and pick up medications. I get home and start looking.... Holy cow I was wrong on the amount I thought she was giving me. I thought it was a box of 600iu, WRONG. I ended up with 5 unopened boxes of 900iu. Today when I told me nurse her mouth literally hit the floor. We have enough for both fresh cycles if needed. I really hope that we get pregnant on the 1st for cycle for obvious reasons but also I want to bless someone going through this journey like I was blessed. Please keep your fingers crossed that I will have left over medications that I can donate to someone.


The rest of my meds will be delivered today and I cant wait to post pics *giggles*

Rambling

Well I would be lieing if I said I wasnt a little nervous about tomorrow. If there is anyone out there that has good luck vodoo, please send it my way. Second attempt at my mock transfer is scheduled for 11 tomorrow. The procedure doesnt scare me, possible surgery doesnt scare me either. What does make me somewhat nervous is the fact that the real transfer wont go smoothly and I will bleed and cramp because my doctor cant get the cathedar through. Come up cervix and uterus, please work for Dr. H tomorrow and be well behaved ladies. I am still pretty much on down time waiting for stims to roll around. Today is day 14 of bcp and I still Lupron this Sunday. Step two! Even if I do have to have surgery, Dr. H said we will stay on plan for March 6th retrevial. No side effects from bcp still and that is awesome. Out of all of my medications I was most nervous about them. I remember my younger days and how sick I was from those mean little pills. Not sure what to expect from the Lupron. I know exactly what to expect from Menopur, we are old friends. Tomorrow my medications will be here and of course I have to post a pic of them. Kinda a right of passage, dont you think?


With retrevial getting closer I am getting more and more excited! Do I think it will work? Well I have a pretty good chance and I am feeling pretty confident. Am I prepared if it doesnt? Yes actually I am. The only thing I hope for if our fresh cycle fails is that we were able to get some frozen embabies for FET. I feel pretty confident that within our 4 cycles we will get pregnant. I know alot of you are thinking im crazy. To tell the truth, I cant be negative about this and worry about every single thing that could go wrong. It is way to stressful and it literally makes me sick to my stomach. My hope is I can take everyday with stride and keep moving forward. If I get a bfn, then I will deal with it at that time. If we get pregnant, then I will be happy and cherish everyday im pregnant and keep all those nasty thoughts of "what if" in the back of my head. Since this will be our first and last child together, I want to cherish every second of the journey.


I know a few of my blogger buddies have beta's today. I have been thinking of them and hoping for a happy, happy day. As for the rest of us getting ready for ivf, try to stay postive. I am beginning to believe that being postive is good for your soul :)

Sometimes the truth hurts.

Ive been thinking about this topic for the last week or so. Thinking how can I blog about this and not offend people to much. The last thing I want to do is offend or upset other woman going through what I am. I hope if you fall into the category of what im getting ready to rant about, you know that it is toward your doctor and not you. 

The past few weeks I have noticed pure negligance coming from some of the RE's that treat my fellow bloggers. One of the most noticable things im talking about is stimming for ivf. I read a story a few weeks ago about a persons E2 levels reaching 11,000 and of course she got OHSS and it was really, really bad. I was thinking to myself, wow that is a high level. Last week during my ART consult I asked my doctor a few things concerning me about our upcoming cycle. #1 was OHSS, I was so scared and feeling so bad for this person who had just suffered through an excruiating case of it. My main concern was over stimulating. He then went on to explain to me that they are very conservative when it comes to OHSS and in his years of practice he has only had a handful of cases. So I then go onto ask about the appropiate levels of E2 for stimming. Of course every case differs some but he said usually 2,000 and 4,000 was borderline of being to high and possibly cancelling cycle. He said with 100% certainty that 11,000 was an absolute no, no. He of couse didnt say anyting bad about another RE, but in his experience 11,000 is dangerous high. I read another blog last night of a person having E2 levels of 7,000 and her doctor doesnt seem to think its an issue either. I honestly believe that the MOST important part of a patient/doctor relationship is trust. #1 first and foremost! I want to believe that my doctor has my health at his number one priority and I can trust him to get me through this process healthy. I am sorry if I have offended any of you, that is not my intention at all. It just concerns me that not all doctors have their patients health concerns at the top and maybe rather #'s of success instead. 

I know that I am very lucky and blessed to have such a wonderful caring person to hopefully get us pregnant. He may be more on the conservative side with all of his practices, but you know what, im completely ok with that.

Medications Ordered

Ok so this post is going to be full of happiness. I dont know if I mentioned this before, but my clinic gave me enough Menopur for a full cycle. My good friend had Follistim that she never used and she is giving that to me also. So today Walgreens called with the rest of my order.  900iu of Follistim, HCG trigger shot, Lupron and progesterone. My total came to $998.22! I am so happy that we saved money on our medications I could jump up and down. Lets hope the good luck keeps coming with a successful mock transfer next week. Oh btw im on day 11 of bcp and doing really well. I am back to suffering from my insomnia, but the sleep was good while it lasted :)

Wonderful Things

Every now and then I like to post pictures of wonderful things in my life:

This was our 1 year anniversary trip to New Mexico and Colorado:

No Raining on my Parade

I went in for my mock transfer and SHG this morning. Neither happened. My RE did a hysteroscopy on me about 8 months ago and removed an adheision so he said I dont need another one. My mock transfer... HAHAH sorry but I am laughing about this because I refuse to be negative about this stuff anymore. After a full bladder, 3/4 bladder and 1/2 bladder, plus (3) different cathedars and over an hour, he couldnt get the cathedar to go through to the uterus. My poor doctor, he is such a perfectionist and he was getting so flustered. The poor nurse keep picking up the exterior u/s and shaking the cramps out of her hands from the constant pressure for so long. I just looked at my husband and shook my head. Of course my doctor referred to all (4) of my iuis being hard also to thread through the cathedar, and it was. This time it was not going. He was sure to make it absolutely clear to us that our transfer will be "really hard" I will be the last patient of the day and he said they will have to take their time because he cant cause absolutely any bleeding or irritation. I am going back in next Tuesday for another try at the mock and if he still cant get the cathedar through, I will have surgery next Friday. The good news is, even with surgery on next Friday I will still be set on schedule for my transfer on March 6th.

I have to say that I trust my RE 100% and I am putting all my faith in his hands. We talked about OHSS due to the concerns I had over fellow bloggers suffering through it. Thank god my RE is very conservative and he has never had levels go over 4,000 since hes been there. We also talked about ICSI and he will do that with the majority of our eggs and let a few naturally fertilize. I also had a internal u/s today so he could look for obstructions. My linning was 5 and I had 15 antra follicles on the left and 11 on the right. That made me pretty happy. I think when the time comes, we will have a pretty good amount of eggs. He also said that since weve been on injectables before, he knows how I stimulate and alot of people dont have that luxury cause they went straight to ivf. With this information he said my chances of OHSS are VERY slim to almost none.

We should be hearing from the pharmacy within a day or two and get our medications done. LIke I said in my title "No Raining on my Parade" I am going to get through this and take everything that happens in stride.

One a final note, did you know that you can do a egg transfer through your abdomin? I didnt know that, but my doctor said that was last resort option.

* After my appointment I was thinking to myself if we would have to pay for our mock transfer twice since this one didnt work. The nurse just called me back and she talked to my doctor. He said even though they went through alot of costly cathedars it wasnt my fault so no we wont be charged again next week. See its times like this that I know I choose the right clinic to take the best care of me.

ART Consult

So I have my Art Consult tomorrow and would welcome any advice. Does the mock transfer feel similar to iui? What aboug SHG? I am really nervous. I hope that my SHG comes back ok so I can keep moving along with my ivf. I know on the financial aspect of things tomorrow, we should be looking at $700 out of pocket for consult and I think we will also be ordering our medications, so maybe $2,000 for that? Not sure on exact numbers, but I will blog about it tomorrow. I did read through my Attain contract and found out that ICIS is part of our treatment plan, so it is included and not extra out of pocket for that. I was so worried. I know I blogged a few weeks ago if it was worth the added cost. I definitely think it is and already had my mind made up that we would get the money together somehow for it. So this was a huge relief. Geez I am getting so nervous. My anxiety is through the roof lately. It seems to be increasing daily and yes my shortness of breath is back, along with dizziness and chest pains. What I would do for a xanax or two right now. Hopefully tonight during acupuncture I can bring up my anxiety and panic issues and he can help me out somewhat. I hate the fact that its with me in my life. I think it is something I will never get rid of, only learn to keep dealing with the symptons. You would think after 15 years of this I should be used to it by now. Can you ever get used to anxiety and panic? Ok so im done whinning for the day. I will update tomorrow with results on my art consult, along with cost.