Thursday, August 22, 2013

I believe this quote sums up my life. Maybe not when I was younger, but definitely within the past few years. It is truly amazing how we grow into a new person the older we get. For me it has been a positive and well needed change. I can tell you that  5 years ago I couldn't walk outside and look at my beautiful rose bushes and just appreciate the beauty. I don't think I could have looked up at the sky and stopped for a minute to think how amazingly blue it was. I find myself noticing all the smaller things in life and realizing that they have really helped me transform myself. I don't think anyone could really understand where I am coming from unless you knew me throughout my life. For so much of my younger years I blamed all the bad decisions I made on others. I always saw the negative first in everything. I can honestly say I wasn't the best person or even close to it. I will go further to say that I truly believe in my heart that Karma did catch up with me and has given me a sentence that I have to serve and set things straight. I know that many of you don't believe that and I totally respect and honor that. For me, I do believe and I think it has changed me in so many ways for the better. I am happy. Regardless what battles are thrown in front of me, some hard some hurtful, I will deal with it one day at a time. I will always stop and look at all the little things in my daily life and know what a lucky woman I am.

I also realized something the other day. I have spent the past 3 1/2 years stressing out about getting pregnant. I know in my heart that it is going to happen for us. Up until a few weeks ago, I knew that I would be okay either way, but now I know it is going to happen. This has given me such peace. I know that many of you will probably think I have lost my damn mind. But you know what? There is absolutely NO reason why I can't get pregnant, so why wouldn't I?

It has been a rough road the past few years, but I have prevailed. I made it through all my miscarriages, shots, ivf's, iui's, tears, pain, anger, loneliness, sickness, etc. I made it and only because I made the choice that I had to. I still think about my little Circle. It has been almost six months and now the sadness of losing this baby, now makes me smile when I think of this beautiful little miracle that Al and I created together. I think of the day where I actually heard the heartbeat. I loved hearing that. I remember smiling so big that day. I wish to take away all the great things about those few weeks I was pregnant with a beautiful life, until it happens again and we have a baby in our arms.

Okay enough of the mushy today. I just wanted to write down a few things. I want to look back and see how much my life has transformed.


We leave in 8 days for Chicago. Appointment is 10 days away!! Hoping to start my next iui second week of October! Things are definitely moving in the right direction.

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