Friday, April 5, 2013

Special Day !

Wow where has time gone? I started this blog on March 9, 2011. Here was my very first post:

 I married the love of my life on April 24th 2010. I have a wonderful daughter from a previous marriage and she is 13. I thought for many years that having another baby was not in my life plan, until I met Al. We discussed having children and how important that was to us. So here is my thought as of April 24, 2010...... " this is really happening, we are going to get pregnant" which brings us to almost a year later. I suffer from severe anxiety which I think has played a major role in us not getting pregnant. At first I wasn't sure what was wrong with me. I went to my doctor and he referred me to Neurologist thinking it was neurophy, but I also tested positive twice on my ANA test. I was then referred to a Rhemotolgist thinking I might have Lupus or possible Sjogrens. This has been dragging on since last August with no definite answers of what is going on with me. All the doctors to agree that I have severe anxiety though which is effecting me in many ways.

Month after month goes by and I feel stupid in ways. My gyn tested myself and Al and said we are fine, maybe a little on low side of things, but not enough to worry about. I take ovulation test(s) monthly and they are ALWAYS negative. All that goes through my head, is what is wrong with me? Why cant I get pregnant? I feel like a complete failure as a wife, as a woman. I am so damn tired of hearing "relax and it will happen".

We have been on clomid for one cycle, but it causes my hormones to go crazy and then my anxiety is out of control. Next week I will see my new gyn for a second opinion. I hope and pray daily that this is the month we will concieve our precious baby.

Here we are over three years later and I can't help but to look at this post and laugh. So naive, already thinking I had went through so much. That person back in March of 2011 had no idea what was in store for her. My life has changed in so many ways and I know that the person I am today is so different from the person I was then. I am so much stronger, I am so much more mature, I am so much more informed, I am more damaged, I also know how lucky I am everyday to have my wonderful family and such a strong support system. 

Happy 500th post to me! 

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