Al and I have talked so much about moving forward without a baby, yet something keeps tugging at us. Cierra my daughter will be graduating high school in a few years and starting her own life. I always thought I would look forward to the day that she was independent with her life., now I don't want her to go. I have asked her repeatedly to move to Colorado with us in a few years. She could attend college there and get a little apartment close to us. The answer has remained the same, "she is not moving to Colorado no matter how much I bribe her". Al said I have to let go of the control and give her a chance to live her own life without me there all the time. He said it's a right of passage. I feel like it is there just to torture your parent.
Well it has been pretty close to three years without a baby made with love from Al and I. Yes we are going to continue with some treatments next year. We both that the chances of having a baby now is very slim. This decision was made by statistics of our age, unexplained infertility (no doctor ever knows how the hell to make that one work). Multiple failed cycles already. I think for the most part, we have both excepted this fact, but still choose to have a little hope.
Of course we both know that with Cierra leaving for college in few years and no babies, we have free range of our lives. There are so many places I want to travel and see. I would like to start in the U.S. first and then move to other countries. Here are the places on our list to see:
- National Glacier Park
- Yellowstone National Park
- The Great Smoky National Park
- The Keys in Florida
- New York City during Christmas
- Maine in the summer
- Rocky Mountain National Park
- Australia great barrier reef
I know that there is no comparison on having a child verses living an adult life and being able to do things that you have always wanted to. If I could choose, I would choose a child. I won't lie though, I am okay with the other lifestyle also. At a certain point here in the near future, Al and I will make the decision to stop treatment and move on. I know that in my heart. I also know that I will have my best friend and the man I love with every single inch of my heart to share it with. I will watch Cierra grow into a beautiful smart woman. So life isn't all bad. You always have to find some good in all the bad things that happen or you will go insane.