I went in for beta #9 this morning and was so happy to see my old nurse that we went through all of our iui's with. She was so caring and really holds a special place in my heart. We talked and she mentioned that it was word around office that I had went through a really hard time with this last ivf. I went on to explain what happened. After it was all said and done, she asked what was our next plan. It is so hard to stop treatment. I am really trying to convince myself of all the reasons we should stop. Who wouldn't want to be able to vacation more, or do whatever they want when they want? That all sounds very nice, but I am still wanting to be settled down at home with a baby that my husband and I made together through love and medical intervention (of course). We had already decided 100% that ivf was out of the picture for us in the future. It is to expense without insurance coverage and the success rates obviously aren't on our side at this age. I spoke with my clinic and our insurance with cover office visits, ultrasounds, and basically everything but medications and actual cost of iui. The cost of iui is about $400 and I have two boxes of 900iu Follistim left, which if we wanted, could give us many cycles of iui's. Like I said earlier, it is so hard to stop. Are we going forward with the iui's? I really don't know at this point. I know we need time to think and consider and most of all, heal from the past two years of failed treatment. When I think about starting this up again, I go back to this last cycle. I was prepared for a failed cycle. I wasn't prepared for the roller coaster ride that we went through. It exhausted me mentally, no it drained me. I am having anxiety and panic attacks daily now and my body doesn't know what the hell is going on. I bleed, I stop for a week, it starts again, it stops. I am dizzy, light headed, nauseous all the time, my stomach is a complete mess. Moments like this make me wonder if it is even worth it? Although I do know that iui's are a walk in the park compared to ivf. Definitely something to think about over the coming months. We have our consultation with Dr. H on November 7th to see what he suggest from here.
In other news, my hairdresser (that has really become my friend within the last year) is pregnant. Last year she got pregnant right after my 1st ivf failed and announced it to the world at 5 weeks. Of course I was a little taken back and had to adjust. At 16 weeks they went in for their gender u/s and found out the baby had died at 13 weeks. She was so devastated. Of course all of her fertile friends on fb told her it was God's will and she would get pregnant again, blah blah. We all know how hurtful that is. I really tried to be there for her throughout the ordeal. We talked a month ago right before my 2nd ivf and she was upset it had been over 7 months and no pregnancy. I gave her the rest of my ovulation strips and she sent me a few pics to see if they were positive or not. Anyway fast forward to last week, she is pregnant. I got the picture of two lines on 14dpo sent to my phone via text message. You know what? I am really happy for her. I think she got a taste of what infertility is about and she also lost a baby whom she loved so much. She is really excited and texted me last night that the lines are getting darker, LOL.... I told her to really stay on top of her OB/GYN this go around and be persistent on testing and monitoring until she gets past the point of when she lost the baby. So I laid in bed last night and kept asking myself if my whole position with infertility was just to be supportive and help other throughout the process? Maybe it is written that Al and I won't or can't have a child. Maybe these past few years was meant to show me what it feels like so I can be there for other woman needing a supportive ear? Who knows.
That is it for today folks. Lets hope my numbers are still dropping.
Update: Levels dropped to 479
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