This & That

Well I spoke with my insurance company yesterday, along with Dr. Kims office and the Coram Center. It still looks like we are in the running to get our IVIG covered and done in Oklahoma. I already knew the insurance would cover the $3,000 cost of medication for a $30 co-pay. We are now waiting to see if they will cover the infusion center. Dr. K office faxed back the last authorization form they required yesterday. Hoping to have a answer within the next week and really hoping for some good news. If we are covered, I will be able to get my first infusion before next cycle. I will need to talk to my boss about it and let him know that I will be missing some work. Not sure if I shared this or not, but during our company Christmas party a few weeks ago, my boss just proved once more on how fantastic he is. He asked Al and I how our fertility issues were going and wanted to know if we were still going through treatments etc. He also asked how things were going after seeing the specialist and then said he wants us to get pregnant this year because we are such a giving couple. He has seen all the pain I have gone through within the past few years and he hurts for us. To top things off, he said he would help however I needed it. This includes paid time off for treatments etc. Can you say wow? I really love my job.

Today is CD7 and I totally forgot to take my Femara last night. I didn't realize until I woke up this morning. I decided to go ahead and take my dose this morning and will take my last dose tomorrow morning. Sometimes it is so hard keeping up with all these medications and the different times you need to take them throughout your cycle. It is truly a miracle I remember half of this shit :) Btw I have become a pro at the lovenox shots. I don't even get bruising anymore. Pro I tell ya!

Over the Christmas holiday, Al and I contracted some sort of cold virus. My poor husband has been sleeping in the recliner because his coughing is so bad when he is in bed. Nothing like sharing lots of snot and coughing with the one you love :)

Not sure if you guys remember me telling you that I bought our niece a glow fish tank, but didn't take pictures. Thankfully my sister sent one to me the other night. Be prepared for some cuteness! IS that not just adorable??

Well today is New Years Eve of 2013. Tomorrow will hopefully start a year of great memories, fun times, being more in love with my husband, watching my teenager in her last year of high school. Things are changing so much and so fast. To be honest it has all changed for the better though compared to what my life used to be. Sometimes I wake up and really can't believe this is my life and I am so blessed with a great job, amazing family, and means to be able to travel with my husband. What a far road I have traveled and wouldn't change a thing.

Any big plans for New Years Eve??? I am a dud and will probably be in bed sleeping by 10. I hope all of you have your dreams come true in 2014.

Accepting new members

Quick note:

I am accepting new members into my infertility facebook group. We've had such success that most of the woman have graduated from infertility to pregnancy and gone on to be moms. If you are interested please send a request to the group. I don't allow any drama. We have a great group of woman who are amazing! We have a diverse group of ladies:

Some have been trying for many many years
Others decided to adopt
Some are going ivf route, others are trying naturally and/or iui/timed intercourse
Some have underlying immune issues
We have primary and secondary suffers in our group


Here is the link if you are interested:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/209836362407126/

I would love to hear from you. You may be a great fit for the group or you may not, but it never hurts to give it a shot.

2014 is going to rock!

Well I made it through another dreaded Christmas and not because I don't have a baby to share with everyone during the holidays. Mainly because I hate shopping, wrapping, cleaning, driving, and sitting around. All and all this turned out to be a lovely holiday though. I actually enjoyed it more then the previous years. On Christmas eve Al and I headed to Arkansas so we could spend a few days with his family. On the way we decided to stop at the Hard Rock Casino/Resort in Tulsa. It was a very good decision. I ended up winning!

I actually cashed out with over $800.00 and put $10.00 in this machine. I love Lord of the Rings so I figured the game should be fun and it was :)

We made our way to Arkansas and spent the first night at Al's parents house. The second night his other sister and her husband, two kids made it down, so we opted to get a nice hotel room on Christmas night and it was perfect! In fact I think we might start the casino/hotel room as a tradition on Christmas travel every year.

Al took this picture of me telling stories to our niece and nephew. It was really funny because they were totally engrossed in whatever I was talking about, but don't remember :)

On our way back home yesterday we stopped by the casino again hoping that luck would still be with us............... and it was. Al won another $400.00. From the casino we stopped by my sisters house to give my two nieces their presents. I am upset that I didn't get a picture of them :( We bought my youngest a 3 gallon glow fish tank and set it up for her. She was BEYOND thrilled. When her dad got home from work she said " Dad come look at my gift from uncle Al and aunt Neesha, it is AWESOME!

So finally we pulled back home around 7 last night so I could work today. Like I said, a pretty darn good Christmas this year.

I am really looking forward to 2014 for many reasons (some exciting and others not).  As you all know, we have put a time limit on ttc and 2014 is the last year we will actively go through treatment, see the RE and do any type of medication protocol. In one sense I am very scared that it won't happen this year and our years of infertility will end with empty arms. On the other hand I am excited to know that we can start a new phase in our lives and no more baby stress. It takes so much out of your emotionally, physically and financially. By the end of this year Al and I will be at peace either way and that is something I very much look forward to . We are also buying us a new rv this spring for all of our camping trips! We have our year planned for all our getaways and that is pretty exciting. We had planned on going to Florida, but it doesn't look like that is going to happen. There were some scheduling conflicts and  life happens also. We decided to take a week vacation to Colorado instead and try some skiing and white water rafting. Also decided to take Cierra to New York for next Christmas and that is going to be her graduation present from us. (she doesn't know). We have some really nice camping trips in the works with our new rv. For my birthday we are going to reserved a suite at the Hard Rock Casino/Resort. Plus we have a nice little anniversary trip planned to Arkansas. So lots of stuff going on this year. I really love to travel and we have been so blessed to be able to do this hobby of ours.

I will also (hopefully) be starting my IVIG treatments in January sometime. I am taking this month off from RE and just taking Femara. Next month I will jump back on board with Follistim/IUI and my infusions and go full steam ahead for the rest of the year. In February we will have been fighting infertility for 4 years. I will do a separate post on that when the time comes.

Like I said, lots going on.

Oh before I forget. I leave you with my one of my favorite Christmas presents from my sis!

I hope that everyone had a nice Christmas regardless if you are still in the trenches of fighting infertility, pregnant after infertility, parenting after infertility or adopting.....

A litte of this and a little of that

Thought I would do a "this & that" post today. 

We had some ice over the weekend and I for one love how everything looks covered in ice and with the sun shining on it. Such beauty. Although Al has some tree branches to clean up within the next few days. We have some that fell on our roof and our poor Magnolia tree took a pretty good hit :(

Today we celebrated our little family Christmas before heading out of state to have Christmas with Al's family. I look at these pictures from this morning and it is a reminder of how truly lucky and blessed my life is.
My beautiful necklace from Al

 I really hope that you all have a Merry Christmas and be sure to remind yourself of at least one thing to be thankful for this season.


TTC news:

Today is 10DPO and this cycle was a bust. Going to take the next month off from RE and just do a Femara cycle. Plan on getting back to Follistim/IUI at the end of January 2014.

It's Friday!

Funny Infertility Friday is here :)

Completely fed up.

This post is non infertility related and has to be said. First and foremost I am so tired of the people using religion to give them a right to decide who is worthy and who isn't. I have never hid the fact that I do not believe in God nor any religion. I am a firm believer that I live my life to the fullest and do the best for others and for myself that is possible. I try on a daily basis not to be hateful or harmful to others. I also respect everyone's right to their own faith as long as it " doesn't spew hate to others that don't believe in the same things" This is not being said toward those of the Christian faith only, this is being said to anyone that feels they are pass any kind of judgement and have not made mistake in their own life. Yes I do understand that many religions such as Christianity live by the words in a book and if you feel that someone is going to burn in hell because they are a homosexual, then that is your right, but don't feel like you are being persecuted when others don't wholeheartedly agree with you and get on your ban wagon on hate. Why can't we all just live our lives and do the best that we have control of daily? Save yourself before you start worrying about saving the world. I am sorry but I am so damn sick and tired of the hypocrites in this world! Just so you know, hate is not justified because the book you are reading states it is okay in certain circumstances. 

So Duck Dynasty guys
 In the GQ profile, the 67-year-old Duck Commander founder called being gay a “sin” and compared it to bestiality. “It seems like, to me, a vagina — as a man — would be more desirable than a man’s anus,” he told the mag. “That’s just me. I’m just thinking: There’s more there! She’s got more to offer… But hey, sin: It’s not logical, my man. It’s just not logical… Start with homosexual behavior and just morph out from there. Bestiality, sleeping around with this woman and that woman and that woman and those men.”

 and Sara Palins of the world................ try saying something nice about a person or doing a kind act for a person you feel is committing a sin. I would think that is what a true Christian person would do? Show love instead of spreading more hate in this world.

I have many friends that are very religious and you should know me well enough to know I am not attacking your faith, but I am standing up for what I feel is wrong in this world. Also please don't feel like you need to save me. I for one am totally happy and at peace with my beliefs.

Thankful

On a daily basis I see people who complain and complain about anything and everything. For such a long time I couldn't figure out how so many people are so miserable in their lives. Now I see that it is just the way some of us are and will always continue to be regardless. This makes me work even harder to see the beautiful things in life daily. Take a moment and be thankful for something, no matter how small :)

Try to remember that no matter how bad your days are, you are the only one with the power to change your outlook.

Challenge

I challenge every person who reads my blog to do one good deed selflessly for someone within the next 30 days. Will you accept?

I would love to hear about your good deed :)

IVIG Treatments

As you know I have been searching high and low, under every rock in Oklahoma to find a place that would administer IVIG. Every corner I turned it was a total dead end and everyone refused to do the treatment because an out of state doctor was referring the order. Well a few weeks ago a fellow blogger and someone who is also going through immune issues suggested I contact a Coram Center and see if they would administer. She also had an out of state order and was able to get it done through them. I quickly googled Coram Infusion Center and nothing showed up in Oklahoma ( another dead end). I pretty well moved on. Well Friday on my facebook a Coram Center popped up on the right hand side along with all the advertisements and I clicked on it. Low and behold there is a Coram Center in Oklahoma! It was to late Friday to call so I waited until this morning. The first gentlemen that answered the phone told me no that they will not do it with an out of state referral, but he would transfer me to administration just to make sure. After talking to Susan for about 15 minutes, it looks like getting IVIG in Oklahoma might be an option. They  have a LONG list of needs before they will put everything together, but it is a real shot at finally having this done. She said it would take weeks to get everything in place with insurance etc. That is fine because I am in middle of cycle right now and will have to take next month off. So everything ( fingers crossed) should be in place for a end of January infusion? I am going to try not to get very excited, but definitely going to stay hopeful that we won't need to go to Chicago to have one treatment done next year. If I am able to get it done here in Oklahoma there is only a $30 co-pay ( according to my insurance company) and I will be able to get all the infusions!

Fingers crossed...........................

I don't want to finish this journey and ever question that we didn't do everything possible. Now it is a very real possibility that question won't ever cross my mind :)

Test Trial Wordpress

My new link:

http://justtonisha.wordpress.com

Change of plans

I might have did leave things very dramatic the other day. Later in the afternoon my clinic called with my E2 results and even though I had 7+ mature follicles ( what I saw) and according to the clinic 10+ mature follicles, my E2 levels had dropped to 753. 

 

They still insisted that we not go forward with TI and actually recommended that I start aygestin ( to stop ovulation and reset cycle). I was up in the air all day on what decision was the best one for us and depending on what the E2 levels looked like would make the ultimate decision. I told the clinic what with my levels being that low there was no way that all the follicles were still growing, but instead dropping off or dying. So my husband and I made the decision to move forward. I did a Ovidrel trigger shot on Tuesday evening and ovulated yesterday. I know in my heart that we made the right decision and with the fact my last dose of Follistim was the Friday before, I am very confident that we only had a few (maybe 3 or 4) follicles that contained an egg. I will be out next cycle regardless because of all the left over cysts I will have from this cycle. Hoping this month works because the next month we can try is in February and that is the month we got pregnant and lost circle. I try not to hold onto things that I have no control of as far as my losses, but I would prefer to not go through that experience on the same month as last year. 

Guess we will see what the next two weeks brings?

Taking a break

The past four years have finally caught up with me. Today will be my last post for a while as I am taking a break from this space. I have worked on being positive and seeing the best in everything and I now realize that I was just being blinded to the facts of the situation. 

CD9 U/S went horrible. Not only can we not do iui, we can't do TI and they won't give me a discount on ivf because I was over stimulated by my doctor. Here is what four days of 150 IU did to me:

At the very least I have 11 mature follicles as of today. I asked about the possibility of switching to an ivf cycle and was told they really prefer we start off with an ivf cycle and not switch last minute, but the would probably do it if it meant I wouldn't go home and have timed intercourse. The cost would be full price though. Is it just me being over emotional or do you feel like I should get a bit of a discount through my clinic? I have been with them over four years with multiple ivfs and iuis, not counting the TI cycles I have been through? He did put me on way to much meds and if he would have looked through my chart, he would have seen that? Do doctors make mistakes? Of course they do and it could be very possible I am just looking to blame someone for my anger. Regardless what if we had timed intercourse it would be totally irresponsible and it would be a decision based on emotion verses the facts. Neverless it fucking sucks! I am SO sick and tired of being told " I am sorry" from everyone and especially the doctors. I wish instead of staying sorry they would just fix the problem at hand.

Last Christmas we got pregnant and it was a loss a few days later.

Risk taker?

I am not sure about others, but I have always lived my life taking risks. Not sure if it is just part of my personality or I just don't want to look back on something in my life and regret not doing it. I really don't know the reason, but I have never been " lets play it safe" on anything that has come my direction.

With that being said, I had my Cd9 u/s this morning.

Even stopping the FSH two days ago my ovaries are still fighting full speed ahead. As of this morning I have (5) follicles that will be ready to trigger on Tuesday and (5) that are a half of second behind them. My RE suggested that we call this cycle to play it safe. She also gave me the option of waiting until Tuesday and going in for one last u/s in a last ditch effort hoping a few of the follies will stop growing. After the u/s we spent a while talking about the options and the recommendations of the clinic. I have had (6) mature follicles along with iui in past and no pregnancy. I've also had (6) miscarriages. So this makes the decision at hand a very hard one that Al and I won't take lightly. Dr. C said if we had never been pregnant in the last four years of treatment with them, they wouldn't be as hesitant and may consider going forward, but because I do get pregnant she doesn't think we should keep going. My argument is, according to my clinic I have bad egg quality so I do need a lot more verses the woman who doesn't have egg issues and hope that there is one good one in the bunch. In four years of treatment, which includes ALOT of treatment, Al and I still aren't pregnant.  I do understand the risk of multiples and not just twin multiples, more like quad multiples and I won't lie, that is something I don't want. I also know that there is a good chance that only one or two would take. And I also know that there is chance none will take.

It is a gamble and now I have to decide how high risk I am willing to go. I do know that at this point Al and I are NOT ready to take a chance if ten+ follicles are mature Tuesday. I am hoping we have 8 or less. 

I know this decision opens up a lot of disagreement and judgement so if you don't have anything supportive and helpful to say, your comment will not be posted. I have to much on my plate right now to deal with those people. 

Any of you ever been in this situation? I would love to hear some feedback.

Until Tuesday..... Lots to think about.

CD7 Update :(

I went in for my cd 7 u/s this morning and there were 3 follicles on my right ovary and 8 on my left.
Three follies on right 14, 12, 11 and eight on left five at 11 and three at 11 1/2. My lining was at 9. I got a call from the doctor and knew that there wasn't good news. My E2 levels are 727. They completely over stimulated me on this cycle. She wants me to stop the folllistim tonight and tomorrow, then come back on Sunday morning. They are hoping all the small ones on left will quit growing and we can pull on the few on my right ovary. She also warned me that there is a big possibility that won't happen and this cycle was a bust.

Instead of sitting here getting all pissed and depressed that another cycle is shot, I am going to mark it up as a learning experience for all of us. I guess I can also sit here and be certain that I will not be the next Octomom.

I will update on Sunday.

Baby dreams

Within the past few months I've had multiple baby dreams. In all of my dreams the baby or babies are always  a girl and she looks the same. A beautiful little baby with dark curly hair and these beautiful sparkling blue eyes and she is mine. Like I said in some dreams there are twins and others there is only one baby. Now I really love to go to sleep and see what I will dream about. Sometimes I am in labor and others I am feeding this little angel. She is always happy and smiling at me. I can only think this is a sign of good things to come our way. In the past all my baby dreams have ended with me losing the baby or for some reason giving birth to a half horse half baby ( yeah still trying to figure that one out). Lately is has been nothing but this very inspirational and uplifting feeling while I sleep and I look forward to more dreams like this to come. It makes me wake up the next morning smiling ear to ear.

Hoping for my future baby girl.................................

I had to put in the picture of half horse/half baby :)

Misery

“Oftentimes. when people are miserable, they will want to make other people miserable, too. But it never helps.”
― Lemony Snicket, 

Do miserable people realize how truly miserable they are?
How well do we truly know ourselves?

 For most of my life I chose to be around this type of person and it changed me into a miserable person. Once I let go, a new me started to grow and now I am definitely the person I always wanted to be.

New month, new cycle and plan.

Today was my CD3 appointment with Dr. H. After talking we have decided to stim with only Follistim on this cycle. I need to pull out more than the few follicles I have for the past few months. I thought about this a lot because the cost of Follistim is completely outrageous and all out of pocket. I have been trying to hoard the little that I had left, but decided to go all the way this month. Hoping with all I have that I can at least get 5 follicles and 6 would be even better. Waiting on a call back because I had a few smaller cysts but nothing to be worried about. Should start shooting myself up tonight! Today was also my crazy blood run for Dr. Kims office. To my surprise the whole process took about an hour and that was for both locations, plus sending off to Chicago! Maybe this is a sign of great things to come this month. 

Feeling hopeful :) 

UPDATE: Start 150 IU of Follistim tonight .

 I also wanted to share my early Christmas present from my amazing husband.. Look at this beautiful China I found a few weeks ago and he went yesterday and bought it for me :)

Dreaded December

Reminders

We all need these reminders from time to time.

This & That

This post is going to be a mixture of this and that stuff.

First of all I am very happy to say that my body and medications are working wonderfully together. I have adjusted to all of them and no nasty side effects anymore. I am still bruising with my lovenox injections, but that is a given at this point. I've been on the full dose of metformin for about 3 or 4 weeks now and I am not having any stomach issues. I do need to keep snacks around and always have something on my stomach, but as long as I do that, it is smooth sailing.

Yesterday I bought my first item ever from an antique shop. I love to go window shopping at those places and always have an issue with spending that much money. I broke down yesterday and had my husband drive me through the snow so I could make my first purchase. You are going to laugh when I tell you that I have absolutely NO idea what to use this for or what to do with it, but I fell in love. Plus I was able to talk the dealer down to $55.00.

I also found a China set that I want and found out that my darling husband is buying it for me at Christmas! I don't have a dinning room in our house now as it is only 1300 sq ft. My plans are to keep it put up until I get my dream dinning room in Colorado. I will share picture of it around Christmas time.

On TTC:

Today is 7DPO and nothing is going on. My temps have been up and down. Have a gut feeling this cycle wasn't the winner winner chicken dinner. That' okay though, there are plenty of future opportunities :)

Funny Infertility Friday

On cycle front:

Today is 4DPO and as you know nothing happening this early. I was very impressed with my chart this cycle though. I had a nice dip for ovulation and a very nice rise the day after. This tells me that my medications are indeed doing their job. One small step at a time :)

No Title Today.

I know that my post yesterday was filled with so much frustration to all the doctors. I didn't really take the time to also mention the good things that have come out of all these visits. My RE office here in OKC although they can't keep me pregnant, have been very supportive of me for the past few years. I know that many people (and I should) think you need to have success within a short period of time or move on. I think when I realized that we were having infertility problems, I knew there was NO quick fix. In the back of my mind I knew I was in this for the long haul . My RE did tell me earlier in the year that he had exhausted all options to get me pregnant and did suggest I go to CCRM for further testing and treatment. After talking to him and explaining that wasn't an option for us (because we are still paying off debt for the two failed ivf's) he said that he would help me in whatever I decided. At first I was so hurt and upset that he told me he couldn't do anything further, but now I totally respect him for being honest with me instead of leading us on. I have a wonderful relationship with most of the staff at my office. I can call and/or email and get a response within an hour and most times within 20 minutes. They don't have the highest success rate stats, but at this point I want someone who I have a relationship with and understands me. I don't want to be just another "number/patient". My office is also working with Dr. Kim and doing things that they wouldn't usually do. Dr. Kim wants me to have about 8 vials of blood drawn and FED-EX'd overnight every month. I called around to independent labs all over OKC and NO-ONE would draw my blood and release to me (except my clinic). 

I know that I am still in early stages of my new immune protocol with Dr. Kim. In all honesty I don't expect another positive pregnancy test for a good few months. As confusing, frustrating and just plain difficult this new protocol has been in trying to implement here in OK, it has been totally worth it. In my heart I feel what I am doing is the right thing. Over three years Al and I tried the same treatment and protocol with the same results. We might get the same results with this also, but I just don't know until I give it a worth while shot. We are getting close to our timeline of living without a child together so we have to give this our all and them some. I do believe in Dr. Kim though. I know people that were given hardly no chance of ever conceiving a child of their own and did exactly that with her protocol . I can't compare this to nationwide studies, but I don't really believe in studies anyway. Things can be twisted on any study to produce certain results. I do also believe that with or without a child that Al and I did everything within our power to have one. I will never look back and think we could have done more. 

I guess after these past few years I have also learned to have patience. Every cycle that goes by I don't look at it like "this is the cycle" I don't really get upset on failed cycles anymore either. I have completely disconnected myself from it. The other day at my u/s my favorite nurse asked if I had my HCG trigger shot. I explained that the specialty pharmacy had not called me back yet. She said that the clinic would sell me one and when the cycle was a success I could bring the other one back and get my money back. I calmly looked at her and asked how long I have been a patient there. She said it was over 3 1/2. So then I smiled and said " Michelle lets not talk about this being a successful cycle anymore. How about we just treat it for what it is and then if we get pregnant and have a heartbeat we refer to it as a success then". She smiled and explained she wanted to be optimistic for me. I get that, I really do, but it is not an optimistic or negative thing anymore. It is what it is and nothing more or less.  If I got emotionally invested in every single cycle and was completely crushed or let down when it doesn't work, I would be a mental case. I do hope that one cycle works though :) 

I guess after all of this ranting, I just wanted to say that regardless what doctors we see, what treatments and/or protocols are used...............................

Al and I will be okay as always. We will love each other daily, work on keeping our marriage strong and being happy with our lives that we have been blessed with. It may not be the life we thought it would be or the life we expected, but it is the life we have been given and will cherish it. 

Frustration

I just got back from my appointment with Rheumatologist. I can say with 100% certainty that I am fed up with the medical community at this point. 

Al and I have tried for years now to achieve a pregnancy and have lost pregnancy after pregnancy. Since Oklahoma doesn't have any reproductive immunologist we decided to take a leap of faith and travel out of state. In a way I am happy we did because we finally got answers. On the other hand I wish we didn't because you can't get treatment in orders are from out of State. 

I referred to Rheumatologist because Dr. Kim felt certain I have a underlying immune issue. I was hoping that a doctor here would prescribe IVIG so we could have that option to help achieve a pregnancy and for it to stick. Well as you can guess the doctor here doesn't agree with Dr. Kim's treatment plan and said no to IVIG and not only no, but wants to change my protocol because she doesn't believe I should be on steroids or Lovenox, but instead a medication called placard. She seems to think I do have APS, but said without a history of blood clots it is hard to say for sure. 

I explained to her that I trust Dr. Kims opinion since she is the one dealing strictly with people in my situation and respectfully told her that I will not be stopping my steriods and starting another drug. She respectfully told me that she doesn't agree with the protocol I am on and will not be giving me a prescription for IVIG. 

At this point, the only way for us to have it done is to travel to Chicago. There is a lot to think about. But now I sit here frustrated with the medical community. 

 

Funny Infertility Friday & CD10 Update

Today was my CD10 u/s and this picture above is kinda accurate. I only had two follicles, but I was on Femara 7.5mg for five days and Menopur 150ampules for several days. When she did the scan and then assumed I was doing iui this cycle, I about fell of the table. My response " I am NOT doing an iui for two follicles". My doctor was stunned which surprises me because all along they said I have bad eggs, so why would they waste a cycle on iui for me with only two follicles. I was just sitting there and shaking my head. The doctor then asked " how many did you think you would have?" I thought at least four and then went on to tell her last month I had four on Follistim and always respond well to the medications. She told me " well this isn't Follistim" I don't know if it was my self induced pissy mood, but I really wanted to slap the shit out of her at that point.

Oh well...........................................

We have a 14mm and a 16mm, lining was 6.5. Trigger tomorrow night and then TI. I don't have any choice but to make the best out of this situation so that is what I will do.

I also have some Menopur that I am willing to get rid of. Please let me know if you are interested. 

Just call me

Yeah just start calling me slick cool wheels. I totally side swiped a mini van this morning and it was my fault. Usually when it comes to driving I am a great driver. Almost perfect driving record. Hopefully it will stay that way after this morning. I was trying to merge onto a major interstate and was behind a guy who thought it was smart to merge at 15mph. Yes during the rush hour to work traffic and with the cars going 70mph he thought that 15mph was an ideal speed. So I tried to get around him and there was a van. Oops. I hit her and we still managed to be in front of the asshole who got on the highway at 15mph. I am not sure about your state, but Oklahoma is filled with freaking stupid ass drivers! We ALL know that when merging onto a road you do the speed of flowing traffic or a little faster, but by NO means 50mph slower!~ Ugh... The lady I hit was very nice and I apologized like ten times. I didn't see any damage on her mini van and at the time there didn't seem like there was damage on mine ( I didn't really look that well). We exchanged insurance information and drivers license information and went on our way. I called my husband and he informed me on how wrong I did things.

#1 " You are suppose to call the police"
#2 " She could damage her vehicle and file a claim against you"

I suppose he is right, but at the moment I was just thinking about catching up with the asshole merging at 15 mph and slap the shit out of him for the day.

When I got to work I actually took time and noticed I do have damage to my front fender. I don't think it is enough to be over our deductible, but I don't know. My hubby is going to call the insurance company to let them know there was a little accident this morning and no visible damage to the other vehicle.

Slick Cool Wheels signing off for today....

Funny Infertility Friday & Great News!

Happy Funny Infertility Friday!

Here is the good news. I weighed myself this morning and I am down to 160 lbs~  which means my BMI is 25.1! Dr. Kim wants me at 25... Hard work is paying off and I am so proud of myself :)

Also got call from clinic yesterday and my E2 was low enough to start this cycle. Femara starts tonight and Menopur on Tuesday.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

This & That

I haven't done a "this & that" post in a while. Just thought I would update on the odds and ends going on in life, but not enough to actually make a blog post about.

#1....  My daughter worked her first full weekend last week. I am still in shock that she is working and soon to be driving! Here is my not so little anymore Braums employee.. This weekend we are going to set up her first checking account, Can you believe this? My daughter with a checking account and job. I think as many times as I say this it won't hit home for me.

#2..................Yesterday walking out my door, I saw this. Not sure if you aware but on facebook many people are doing the 30 days of thankful. When I saw this sky, I said to myself " I am so thankful to be alive and healthy" seeing such beauty truly makes you stop for a minute and realize just how good life is.

#3........... I looked back at my posts here lately and realized I have totally turned into a Negative Nancy and I don't like that side of myself.  Since it is a choice, I don't want to see that ugly side of me anymore then I absolutely have to. I knew this last night when Al came home and bought me home some flowers from the market. 

 #4.......... went in for my cd2 baseline this morning. My lining was at 6.5 and I had about 20 AF. I also had a 20mm cyst on my right ovary. Waiting on E2 levels to come back to know rather I can go forward with this cycle or have to set this one out. I do know that stimming with FSH that this happens a lot. Guess we will see what later today brings.

Thanks for joining my "this & that" post.

Mis-Communication

Today is my official CD1. I contacted Dr. Kims office two days ago and informed them of the negative pregnancy test and requested my kit for cd1-cd3 testing that I have to overnight back to them every month. No answer back, no kit in my mail. I sent another message this morning and explained that this is time senstive and I have not recieved any responses from their office and asked if we were just bypassing bloodwork this month. The problem is, I have called the office and was told specifically to not call and leave messages because they would not answer them quickly. Instead I am to use the patient portal and send messages. I have been following all the confusing directions I have been given. I am doing my job by going to several different places a month to have blood done and shipping it overnight (which is very expensive). I have made calendars, notes and even have freaking nightmares about this new protocol that I am trying to do step by step. Why am I not getting the same in return? I will make this very clear, I think Dr. Kim is amazing and a wonderful doctor. I do believe that her protocol will get me pregnant. I am just so frustrated with her office staff. I am having enough issues on my end trying to keep up with things and feel it is very unfair that I have to keep up with them also. 

There was a correspondence two weeks ago with a nurse at her office who told me I shouldn't be on lovenox. I was totally confused. Come to find out she didn't read my chart and had no idea what cd I was even on. I guess my biggest fear is Dr. Kim will quit perscribing me all these new meds that I need if I am not getting my bloodwork done and sent in, but what am I suppose to do? I got a bill the other day for my phone consult with her and it was over $200. I can't really call their office and talk with her directly because of the cost. Somehow there needs to be some communication with her staff and a understanding that they need to do their job like I am doing mine. 

Guess I am done ranting for the day. I am just so frustrated. 

Metformin

I firmly believe that I will be down to my recommended 25BMI by the end of the week.

No further explanation needed. Enjoy the picture.

Next

This cycle didn't work. I am not going to sit here and pretend I am totally shocked. The iui was a day early and if timing is wrong then everything else seems to be off also.

This cycle we are going to do Menopur/Femara and TI.

IF you know anyone that has extra medications left over and would like to donate and/or sell. Please email me at tonisharapp@yahoo.com.

Hope you all have a great week!

Oh before I forget. I am so proud to say I started my Metformin and I'm now on everything Dr. Kim has prescribed for me :) Big step.

Funny Infertility Friday....

So when your husband goes in for a sample and complains, it could be worse :)

Today is 8DPIUI and nothing going on :)

Today

I can't even put words together in my head to form a blog today..... 5 days straight of sleeping about 2 hours a night.............

This sums it up.

Update from Dr. Kim

Well I received these results from Dr. Kims office this morning.

Dear Tonisha,
The following are your results with recommendations per Dr. Kwak-Kim:
NK assay:
50:1 10.6 should be 15 or less
cd56 9.0 should be 12 or less

Th1/Th2 cytokines:
TNF 43.4 should be 30.6 or less
IFN 18.6 should be 20.5 or less
ANA positive 1:320
Chemistry panel - ok
Testosterone level 38 (norm 8-48) your level has increased from 31
TSH 1.18
FT3 3.4
FT4 1.22 all good
Insulin Free 17.3 (norm 2.6-24.9) your level has increased from 13.
Recommendations:
a. Increase Metformin ER to 750 mg twice daily (will send order to Walgreen's on 27th)
b. Repeat Chemistry panel, Insulin Free, Testosterone in 4 weeks
c. Maintain low carbohydrate diet and regular exercise
Thanks,
Deljuanna

It says to increase my Metformin, but to be very honest I never started taking it.
I sent them an email and explained that I never started this medication. I also asked if there is anything I can do besides taking it?

Anyone have any suggestions? Since my levels are all within normal ranges on the Insulin and Testosterone wise. I wonder if upping my exercise and diet might help?

First Job

My daughter got her first job this weekend. It was a big day for the both of us. I am still sitting here wondering where the years went? Also amazed at what a smart, beautiful, funny person I raised. For so many years I was scared that I didn't do a good job raising her. For so many years I was a single mother with no help or support from  her father. I worked two jobs and did whatever I had to so we had food on our table and she was taken care of. Now I sit her and look at her and know that it all paid off. What a proud moment this is for me. It also helps push my forward on having another child. I always joked that my daughter would be in college before she had a brother or a sister and that is looking like a real possibility. I am going to be one of "those" late parents, LOL. I can accept that and be happy with it. I think being an older parent is better in some respects. I know that now I am financially stable, more patience, have a loving husband, a good home and have spent many years and lots of money.

Today I sit here so proud of my accomplishments as a mother to Cierra. I also sit here today and hope I can get the chance to love another child.

TTC News:

Today is 4DPIUI but only 3DPO. I am choosing to remain hopeful :)

We missed it

Well this cycle was a wash. We did the IUI one day earlier than expected because my progesterone levels were 1.10 on Wednesday morning. I went home that evening around 5 and took my trigger then had our IUI on 11am Thursday morning. Yesterday I was having lots of pressure and pain ( like I do every month at ovulation time. In my heart I knew I was ovulating yesterday. I think we can all agree that we know our bodies and especially after years of infertility and treatment. Last night I tried to get my DH to do the deed but he was tired. At that moment I knew that the $300 IUI and all the meds I took this month were wasted. I think next month we will stick to the meds and just TI. This way we have so much more control over the situation and the sperm will also stay alive much longer verses being washed.

Here is my chart...... You win some you lose some, right . There is always next month :)