Still Here

Well I am still here and still feeling a little better each day, emotionally and physically. The bleeding completely stopped two days ago. I am still lightheaded, nauseous, and having stomach issues big time. The tenderness in my boobs are going away and the cramping and pain are slowly disappearing. Tomorrow is beta #8 so I will know if the levels are dropping after the methotrexate shot. I know that it is a possibility, but I really don't want another shot of that evil stuff. Please keep fingers crossed that I am on the downhill slide of this nightmare.

As far as emotionally, I am doing so much better everyday. When I found out this pregnancy wasn't viable, I was destroyed. Then I found out that it was ectopic, I was very scared for my own health. Now I have accepted that this cycle failed and there is nothing I can say or do to change the results of that. I did look back on day 15P3DT and stared at my two dark lines. I wanted to remember that we did come so close.

I really sat down and talked to Al about the last two in half years and wanted to see how he felt about everything that happened. He looked at me so calm and said, " Tonisha I believe that whatever happens in our lives is meant to be". He is right. It is very possible that we weren't meant to have a child together. I know that people don't want to accept that, but I believe that whatever is meant to happen will for us. It feels very peaceful to be where I am right now. I could sit here and tell you how stressful all the visits are, the ultrasounds, the medications, the blood draws, the surgeries, the failed cycles, but everyone of you know the feeling. It feels like I just washed away all the negative and am finally starting this new chapter of my life and it excites me! I can't wait to see where this road will lead us. One day at a time and one foot in front of the other.

I will update on beta numbers within the next few days.....

Before I forget, one of my friends and fellow bloggers texted me this morning with a early pregnancy scare. I don't want to mention her name, but if any of you pray please send out a prayer for good results today to a great person. Thanks.