Well I don't think I am going to give up. My husband doesn't really want to continue treatment due to the cost out of pocket and the emotional strain it is has put us both through. I do agree with that part. But, I want a baby. I have fought so hard for the last few years to have one and I feel if I walk away now, then I have fought for nothing. I am not a quitter. I asked my husband if he would consider going to the other RE in our city and getting a consultation. He said yes but with the understanding that we take a few months to clear our heads and get over all the disappointment of the last year. I can agree with that. I do need to clear my head and heal my heart. I am still crying everyday and sad beyond belief, and angry, very angry. I definitely need time to heal myself.
After tomorrows visit to my current RE, I am letting them know that I am 100% done with their clinic and I am done with the freaking blood test, that I am DONE. I think after 4 iui's and 2 failed ivf's that it is time to move on to someone else. What do you think? Plus this other place has a much higher rate of pregnancies. Don't know if that means anything or if it would even make a difference for us. My husband is afraid that with this new consultation, he will say that he would have done this or that different and I will get my hopes up again. Honestly right now, hope is the only thing I have to hold onto. I need something to pull me out of this darkness, even if it is the hope of seeing a new doctor and doing a few more iui's. I don't think we can really afford another ivf next year. Maybe if we saved up again we could do ivf in 2014. That doesn't seem like a very feasible idea though. I do know that right now statics for us says we will most likely not have any successful pregnancy. I will keep that in my mind and not get swept away with fantasies of anything else. As for right now I just need my levels to hit zero and to take a break and get my head straight. Yes I am still going to the pcp on Thursday to start back on my depression and anxiety medications. I really, really need them right now. Pregnancy announcements are literally making my stomach cringe and my whole body fills with anger. I have never been this upset about woman other then me getting pregnant, never.
I will update with my levels tomorrow. Please keep your fingers crossed that my levels have dropped. I am still only spotting and have been of my progesterone for 5 days now.
No comments:
Post a Comment