Monday, July 15, 2013

Important Day

Well today is an important day for me, and not related to infertility. I have an appointment at 11:00 am this morning to see a new psychiatrist that specializes in anxiety and panic disorders. This is a huge step for me and I hope that I won't be disappointed like I was a few years ago with the last one. Not sure if I ever told you the story. I started seeing a PCP for symptoms I was having at the time. He kept telling me it was only anxiety and I needed to get some mental help. Not sure if any of you have ever dealt with this, but there is no worse feeling in the world than being told by your doctor that things are in your head. I knew I had anxiety, but my resting heart rate at that time never went below 115. I was scared. I took his advice and went to see a psychologist for a while and finally went to see a psychiatrist. I was in the waiting room for well over two hours after my scheduled appointment. 
After the two hour wait I was called back into her office. She was very cold and very disconnected. She looked at me and said " fill out this questionnaire"  it had basic questions on physical symptoms I was having etc. She looked at it for a brief minute, asked what medications I was on and gave me three boxes of Abilify.  That was it. Yes that was the whole appointment. I was freaking pissed to say the least. I went back to my pcp at the time and told him what she said. He then told me that I was suffering from depression. Really? I am a lot of things, but depressed is not one of them. After that point I pretty well gave up on getting help for my anxiety. I figured that no doctor is taking me seriously and I am doing everything they have suggested without any relief. At this point we started on our fertility treatments full speed. I won't lie, while going through treatments with all the fertility medications, it kept my mind busy on other things. My panic attacks were less frequent, but the anxiety was always there.

For anyone who has never went through this, you can't truly understand how debilitating it is to a person. If it all is in my head, I wish I could find someone to help me. Over all the therapist I have seen in the last ten years, I have accepted all the childhood abuse and I have learned to deal with it and move on etc. I am not sure what else can be done at this point besides being medicated.

I will update on how this appointment goes. Keep your fingers crossed for me that I get the help I deserve and need.

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