Incompetent PCP

The title of this blog is 100% accurate.  As you know about 2 weeks ago I went to see a new PCP for my migraines. After waiting forever he finally came in to see me and we discussed my history with my RE. I told him that my RE has me starting clomid this cycle and I can only do (3) UN-monitored. He was pretty knowledgeable about infertility.  Our meeting ended with him going to call me RE to see if I could take a beta blocker for my migraines. Days and days pass and nothing. I finally got my prescription today after work. I thought it was odd that it was $50.00 and I had two bags. It wasnt until I got home that I noticed......... DRUM ROLL PLEASE

This doctor prescribed me 60 pills of clomid and on the bottle it said to take 2 a day, EVERYDAY! Anyone of you that have taken clomid know you only take for 5 days! Thank god I know my fertility drugs. I called the pharmacy furious that they would even put a label on the bottle. They should have known what clomid was and they should have know you cant take it everyday! What kind of doctor prescribes someone 60 pills and (3) refills? Now if you have been paying close attention I went to him for migraines medications NOT clomid. I did get that prescription also but now I am scared to take it because it says if you stop taking it, you can have sharp chest pains, slow heart rate and possibly a heart attack. Looks like I am going back to ibuprofen.

Is it just me or does this seem very negligent to anyone else? I called and left a message with my RE's office because I know my doctor will shit a golden Twinkie when he sees what this new pcp did. I wonder what would happen if you took two clomid a day for 30 days? 

Sorry this was a rant but I am completely in shock right now that this medication made it from a prescription pad all the way to my house.

Our Trip and then some

Hi ladies! I have been out of network since Thursday. We had a wonderful trip this weekend. Originally we planned on visiting San Antonio. Arriving there on Friday after Al and I had a wonderful dinner and some shopping. Then we walked the riverwalk late into the evening. Saturday morning we woke up around 7 am and decided to get a jump on exploring before the whole town of San Antonio and tourist's. About 45 minutes into our walk Al looked at me knowing I love the ocean and asked if I felt like going to Port Aransas which is near Corpus Christi. Ummm you dont have to ask me twice. So in the car for another 2 1/2 hour drive to the coast. We had a wonderful lunch about 3 blocks from the beach with fresh seafood. Sitting outside smelling the salty ocean breeze and watching seagulls. We were in absolute heaven. Before we knew, the whole day passed and it was about 6 in the evening so we headed back to San Antonio.  We went straight to our room and basically went to bed. All that ocean air wore me out! Sunday morning we woke up and headed to Dallas for my Al's sisters wedding. It took us about 4 1/2 hours to drive there. I told Al that he needed to talk with the hotel and upgrade us to a nice big hot tub room. Since it was Sunday evening, they upgraded us for $30 additional, SCORE! The wedding was very beautiful and unique. His sister and her husband are really into the Japanese cartoons etc. so their cake had a huge dragon on it and she has a beautiful head piece (she reminded me of  Princess La from Star Wars). The ceremony was a mix of Jewish faith and Christian faith. It fit them so perfectly! Had so much fun. 

This weekend was filled with distraction from our nightmare of a life trying to conceive. We drank wine and enjoyed each other. So much fun and exactly what the doctor ordered.

When we came home today there was another surprise. I will not go into a lot of details, due to a request by family member, but I came into some money. When I first looked at the check today and realized it wasn't a joke the first thing I thought was " wow we can buy a few more cycles of ivf". Like I said that was my first thought. I then realized that I am not spending more money of ivf cycles. I know people probably wont understand that but I want to spend this money on stuff in my life that I have. Not something that I might have or might not. I want to make solid investments with it. I spoke with Al and he said it is my money to do with what I choose. I choose not to waste it on ivf treatments. We have our last treatment in September that is paid for. If that doesn't work, we have decided to move ahead with iuis. Although we didn't get pregnant with iuis, we did have two chemical pregnancies which is much more then I got through our ivf and cheaper. This might not make sense to anyone else besides me and Al and that is ok, it doesn't have to.

Here are some pictures from our trip......

From Left to Right... Al's dad, mom, sister, me Al, nephew, sister, niece and brother in law

My redneck sunburn from the beach, LOL

Hoot Hoot

I decided to add a little fun to my work clothes today. I love these socks so much. I recieved them from Leslie @ Myhormonecoaster as a prize drawing along with some amazing homemade body soaps and body butters. If you guys havent checked out her website, please do! http://www.lillasystersoap.com/

Update Doctors Appointment

Well I just got done with my doctors appointment. I am sitting here waiting on them to call me with hopefully a perscription of something. My blood pressure today was 146/100. This really confuses me. I have lost almost 15  pounds and im eating healthier, not drinking caffiene, not smoking, wth.  He wants to put me on a beta blocker for my migraines and it also helps lower blood pressure. All of them are class c medications though. I explained my whole infertility situation (new doctor). I was really surprised on how knowledgable he was on infertility. He is going to call my RE and discuss what treatment options we have and see what he thinks of me starting on the beta blockers. He also wants to me to do a blood screening for my blood sugar since I come from a family with insulin dependent diabetics. I went ahead and did something that I wasnt suppose to do, I took a ibuprofen 600. At this point anything that takes the edge off is my friend.

Passed by

I was clicking on my blogger list this morning. It is a very odd feeling to have 97% of the friends you are following to be pregnant now. I remember when I originally started this blog about 97% of the blogs I followed were trying to concieve.  Heck even the people I know in RL are getting pregnant. I am not sure how I feel about this. Most of the time I just ignore my feelings and pretend it doesnt bother me. Most of the time I keep telling myself that we dont need to have a baby, that we have other things in life. Maybe going on more vacations, and having our time. It seems to work some of the time, but mostly I just get really sad and wonder why everyone is getting pregnant and I keep failing.

Last night I watched the E True Story on Guilianna Rancic. I knew that she had went through ivf and failed, then they discovered cancer before she had her breast's removed. Wow this woman is a true inspiration. She actually got pregnant her first ivf and miscarried at 9 weeks and then the second ivf (they expected to work) she found out a few days before Thanksgiving that it failed. This at the same time her sister was pregnant with their fourth child. The sister thought they could both announce at Thanksgiving they were pregnant. Although it failed for Guilianna, she was nothing but purely happy for her sister and didnt once show any jealousy or envy. I think that takes an amazing woman with great character. I wish I could be more like her.

Well I will be starting clomid within the next week. At this point I have nothing to lose. About 4 months until our last ivf and that makes me sick to my stomach. I cant imagine going through another failed cycle. And deep down in my heart I know it will be another failed cycle. When you finally make the decision to move on to ivf, you go into with the thought that ivf works, but the truth is, it only works sometimes. Same as iui's, or natural cycles, or cycles with just fertility meds, only difference is you pay about 15k a  cycle. When do you know if it is time to move on to another clinic? I have so many doubts running through my mind. After this next cycle, if we did switch to another clinic, we cant afford another ivf, so really what is the point?

Oh well I am done ranting today. I am going to work for a bit then head over to the doctor. My blood pressure has been really high lately and my migraines havent stopped for almost 3 weeks now. I really hope I can get some relief soon.

Easter Weekend

Before I start my post about this weekend, thank all of you from the bottom of my heart for you support on my last post. I really thought long and hard before posting it and didnt know what the feedback would be like. I was truly amazed.


Well our weekend went very well. We went over my sisters house on Saturday and had a Easter lunch and egg hunt with our neices. We took the girls back to our house for a sleep over. Before leaving my sister gave me all the instructions on constructing an easter basket for the girls. What went in what basket and whos basket was whos. We started laying the girls down for bed around 9:30 explaining the bunny would be coming so they needed to get some sleep. My (3) year old niece then asked if the bunny was magical and if he could look through the window to know they were sleeping. I have made the mistake before of telling the girls different stories then what my sister tells them, LOL. Finally around 11 they were asleep and Al and I began to construct the Easter baskets. I snuck back out of our room and placed them perfectly, while Al peeked and made sure everyone was asleep. Seriously this takes some skill! Jeez we love those girls, they are such a joy in our lives.
Here are some pictures from this weekend.

I am happy to say that I only have a four day work week this week and next. We are heading out to San Antonio on Friday morning for a short get a way and then off to my SIL wedding Sunday evening.

Results Are In....

First of all, thank you so much for participating in my survey yesterday. I noticed a handful of possible new followers that commented and that was wonderful. Please feel free to comment more often :)

The results of yesterdays survey is.............. HOPE.  Yes it is that simple. After reading all of the your stories yesterday, it restored my hope that it might actually happen for us. Regardless if you were suffering from PCOS, unexplained infertility, egg quality issues, sperm issues, tubal issues etc.  Some of you were successful with natural cycles, some iuis and some ivfs. Some of us havent been successful with any of the above. But you have completely filled my heart and soul back up with hope and faith. For that I say thank you. Al and I might have another failed ivf, we might decide to try a few more iuis. Shit we may just give up and go on with our lives and get pregnant naturally. Anything can happen.

Ok I hope you guys dont think my survey was to lame. I needed to be able to feel hope again. I think the rest of us need that to. So please if you are just joining in today, read all of the stories from my survey yesterday and know that anything is possible :)

I leave you today with lovely pictures of our storm that came in after work. I love clouds during and after a storm. You look at them with all of their beauty and just know that things will get better.

Quick Survey

Hi ladies. I want to conduct a purely non scientific study and would love for everyone to participate. I have 66 followers and would love to have as many responses as possible. Ok here is my question: I would love to know how many of you have gotten pregnant and what your diagnosis is/was. Please let me know if it was natural, iui, ivf etc. also how long did it take? I know a few people that follow my blog closely and I do the same, I want your answers also.

Thanks in advance for you help with this...... If you want to add additional information, please feel free. I look forward to reading your answers.

Cloudy and Gloomy

That is what it looks like outside today and that is what I feel like also. My migraines havent let up any and I cant count how many consecutive days I am going on now, but it feels like a freaking eternity.

For some reason within the last few days all of the pregnancy blogs are hitting home with me. Not that I am upset with them because thats not the case. I am upset with myself. I know that infertility is a medical condition and I know ivf is diagnostic. I still cant help but to wonder what I am doing wrong that all of these procedures have failed. I am really trying to work past this, but I still feel so defeated. Here within the last few days I started thinking about the chances of getting pregnant with ivf, then the chances without. How in the hell is it even possible to get pregnant without it now? You dont know how badly I wanted to walk away from this failed cycle with new hope and I know I have really tried, but so much negativity comes flooding back.

For weeks now I have prepared to be done trying to get pregnant, be done with any hope we will have a baby. I look at all these sweet ultrasound pics of newly pregnant blogger friends and all the symptons and it makes me so happy for them but at the same time so sad for me. Which brings me back to the fact, why is it not happening for us? If there is such a thing as karma, am I being paid back for bad things I have done in life? If that is the case, I think I have more then made up for those things and more. I was so afraid to write this because I know that all of the woman who become pregnant after suffering through IF some how feel guilty (and then shouldnt). Maybe is a sense, seeing all of the bfp's of the woman who cycled with me is a good thing. It does truly make my heart smile seeing them so happy and excited about bringing their new babies into this world. And we all know that ANY woman on  here or anywhere else that has gone through infertility deserves that.

Sorry for my drugged induced rambling this morning. 

I leave you with a pic of a "not so happy" Toni this morning, but working on it.

This and That

This weekend was a fun one indeed. On Saturday we watched my very good friends little man, he is six weeks old. I can tell you that this little guy got all of the love, kisses and cuddles while with us. We decided to make a trip down to my sisters house to see our nieces and just have a fun day and cookout. I feel so blessed that Al and I have people in our lives that basically share thier kids with us. We have so much love to give and since its not looking good that we will ever have a baby, I think it is absolutely amazing we have such wonderful friends and family members.

Here are a few pics from this weekend. On the ttc front, nothing is going on that I am aware of. I do know since our failed ivf that my body is definitely going through changes. I am still losing weight, my appeitite is almost no existant. Think I am eating once a day and a snack or two. I am having horrible migraines again but I dont want to get back on my topomax because the neurologist said I had to be on birth control while taking it and possibly even back up ( that is almost laughable). All and all I feel like complete shit. Every time I eat I feel nausea and every time I dont eat I feel nausea. I have a new pcp that I have an appointment with next week, hopefully he can help me start feeling better.

Here is Al and Bentley. She loves to crawl up on your chest and/or shoulder and hang out. Unfortnantely when she did that to me, she kept falling (due to no boobies to sit on) lol.

Cierra and Dace. I think she would be a wonderful big sister.

My sweet oldest neice Bailey and Dace.