Today is 15DPIUI or 4W1D. I am still testing and my lines are still getting darker each day. For the past few days the test line has been pulling from the control line. As of right now everything is looking perfect, yet I sit here and still won't think about a future with a baby. I can't think about a nursery, boy/girl, being pregnant, maternity clothes etc. My husband won't say anything but " It is still early and we need to wait". I feel so bad for him. I never ever wanted him to be so scarred from all of this. I never wanted him to experience the pain from our losses. He we both are so scared to even think about this pregnancy for the time being. I know that many of you out there say that "today you are pregnant" and yes that is true, but I think this has become a defense mechanism to protect myself after things didn't work. I do promise that if we make it to the u/s and have a beautiful heartbeat that I will start accepting all of this and be so happy :) Promise. I just need to make it through the next two weeks.
I have always said in this blog that infertility would not steal everything from me regardless if we got pregnant or not and I still believe that. Some days she has the upper hand, but more then not I do. So even if today she is winning the battle, I promise to come back ten fold and prevail.
Somedays I wish I was naive and didn't know so much about this whole process. Boy would that make the days easier to deal with :)
Here are pics from 14DPO and 15DPO tests.