Monday, December 19, 2011

Still Hanging In

Today I am 6DPIUI and I have a good feeling this month that my progesterone is actually working! I have had sore boobs, lower back pain, fatigue, and on/off again nausea. Its kinda exciting in the fact this is the first month I think it has actually worked. I go in tomorow for my week post u/s and progesterone test and I am sticking to my guns that I dont want to know my level. I want to continue breezing through this cycle and put all of my thoughts and effort to my ivf.

This weekend I went over and helped a very good friend decorate their nursery. They have a little boy that is due at the end of February. We decorated in a jungle theme with little monkeys everywhere. It was so cute. I cant wait to meet the little guy. After helping them we stopped by the SIL's house and seen our niece and nephew. I have tried to stay clear, but my husband really wanted to go. I thought since we are staying home for Christmas that I could let him have this. For some reason it doesnt bother me to be around a friend that is pregnant, but its different (as I have previously stated) with Sil.

My husband went out and bought a ham for Christmas dinner. His family is really upset that we arent going to their house during Christmas. My DH told them it was due to doctor appointments and our treatment. His dad has been guilt tripping him about not coming. Heck just to make things fair, I decided we wouldnt go see my family either. If I had one Christmas wish besides the obvious of getting pregnant, it would be that other people could understand what infertility does to you mentally. If you have suffered from it, you have no idea.

I went to get my hair colored and cut on Saturday and my hair dresser is about 6 weeks pregnant. She told me that she thought she had a urinary tract infection. She didnt know that frequent peeing was early sign of pregnancy. She is hoping to get a vacation in before the baby is due and she already found a photography to take newborn pics. She says all of this with best of intentions. I mean she is a great kid and is a great mother to her little girl. It just goes back to the point, if you NEVER suffered from infertility then you have no flipping idea how somethings you say are hurtful to someone that is going through it.

The longer we get negatives on our cycles, the more I try to pull deep inside myself and stay postive. I want to remain the person I have always been. I want to know that I can accept that fact that I might never have a baby with my husband. We might always be the "cool" aunt and uncle. At this point, that is a very possible. I have been asked by certain people if we would consider adoption and/or fostering. My answer to that is no. There are certain people in this world cut out to adopt, I am not one of those people. If we ultimately cant have a child together, then like I said, we will give our attention to family members and friends. Maybe more vacations and toys. I have been blessed once in my life already with my daughter Cierra. If my plan is to only have one gift, then I should be grateful that I had that chance. She will be driving in a year and graduated in a few (how time flies).

For anyone reading this, I will apologize for my grammer and punctuation now :) Guess I was sleeping in class all those years ago.

No comments:

Post a Comment