Hello everyone. My name is Tonisha and im a Google addict. This relationship started out so innocently and then went to hell in a hand basket so quickly. At the beginning of our infertility journey I used google for common things, such as googling: side effects of medications, procedures I was having done and recovery times etc. The rest is a blur and im not sure how it got to this point, but...... its like I woke up one day and I find that there are a millon of couples just like me! They are suffering through primary and secondary infertility. There are thousands of websites with all kinds of information about iui's, ivf, progesterone, luteal phases, chemical pregnancies. You name and bam its there. I learned that all these other woman also had a "google phd" just like me! They also knew their doctor was wrong and why couldnt the doctor see what was really wrong and fix it, just like me! I do have to admit, its absolutely amazing that I am an expert on reproductive endocrinology and I didnt even have to go to college. How many people can say that? I learned many interesting facts by googling. Did you know that chemical pregnancies are very common? Yes they happen (according to what website or forum you look at ) 25%-70% of the time. A luteal phase is (according to what website or forum you look at) anything from under 10-12 days. It is also possible when you insert Crinone for it to work better if you stand on your head and fart really loud, twice. (sorry I had to add that one). Well I think everyone gets my point. So where do I go from here? At what point do I give up control and let my doctor do his job? I mean he is obviously qualified, right?
I sat down last night and had a conversation with my husband about moving on to IVF. It is honestly scaring the shit out of me. I told him since we had multiple chemical pregnancies maybe we should consider genetic testing before moving forward. ( I got that idea from Dr. Google also). Or maybe we should get a second opinion? How is it possible that my doctor, being as sweet and nice as he is, could possibly care about me getting pregnant as much as I do. My husband said I need to stay off the internet because its turning me obsessive and complusive (my words, not his). I told him I dont want to do IVF unless he can give us some assurance that we wont end up having more chemical pregnancies and wasting all this money. I know that the doctor cant do something like that. I also know that most of you are paying completely OOP and know the huge hole it is leaves. We can only afford to do this multi-cycle thing one time. What if it fails? So many fears going through my head and I am so unsure about everything.
I did promise my husband last night that I would "try" to quit googling. I dont know if I have mentioned this to any of you before, I quit smoking a little over two years ago. I started smoking when I was a teenage at 14 and smoke until I was 34. I thought quitting smoking was the hardest thing I have ever done, but it doesnt hold a candle to quitting "googling". I know that sounds super lame, but its so easy to get online and find so many different people suffering along with you.
Well I guess I have blabbered enough today. There are things for my New Years Resolution and the top two are: quit googling and put trust in my doctor and hope all his years in college will ultimately pay off for me.
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