Wednesday, June 11, 2014

We or Me?

I just finished reading an article in US Weekly where Mila Kunis was on Jimmy Kimmel talking about her pregnancy with Ashton Kutcher. She went on to say how men shouldn't say "we are pregnant" because they don't have to go through birth and push something the size of a watermelon out their ladies parts. Well in all honesty comments like this really piss me off and I don't care who they come through. 

#1 Since the beginning of time we have all known that men can not labor a baby. So they shouldn't be able to share the pregnancy? It was half him that made your baby. It will be him taking care of you through pregnancy. My husband goes to the store on the drop of a dime to pick up whatever weird craving I am having. He rubs my back . He rubs my belly and talks to our girls. He cooks all of our meals. He cleans the house. Does this not earn him the right to say "we are pregnant?" 

#2 My husband went through FOUR years of infertility treatments, losses, needles, medications, surgeries, getting hopes up for a baby and then it being crushed when we lost the baby. Having to sit there as a husband and not be able to console me or make the pain go away. He worked his ass off to help contribute to the $40,000 in treatments. He went to all the doctors appointments with me over and over and over for years. 


End of rant.

Maybe all these woman that complain about their husbands and don't think they have any rights to claim in pregnancy shouldn't be married or should stop being selfish for one second and remember when they got married, they agreed to give and compromise.


  1. Though I completely understand where you are coming from, I have to side with Mila on this one. Yes my husband has been incredibly supportive during our TTC journey and now with my pregnancy but the truth is the physical effects of fertility treatments and pregnancy fell on me. During our IVF, I'm the one who took tons of hormones and suffered the unfortunate side effects. I'm the one who dealt with a painful eggs retrieval and OHSS. During pregnancy, I'm the one with the nauseas, headaches, indigestion, etc... (mind you I wouldn't trade any of it for anything in the world). Though he is never far and always willing to help, my sweet husband is not physically going through all this. And my husband is always joking that with all that's going with my body I definitely "called the dibs" on pregnancy. We really see pregnancy as a physical condition. So, while I'm pregnant, "we" are definitely happily expecting a baby.

  2. I agree with Diva. I feel like saying "I'm pregnant" is the physical act of carrying a baby. Saying "we are expecting" or even "we will have a baby" tells what is coming. My husband is everything to me, but he's never been pregnant.

  3. I agree with you, Toni. You have totally earned the right to say "WE" are pregnant. Even though it is you going through it physically, you are still sharing two children with your husband and they are his just as much as they are yours. And he has been through this entire painful journey with you, so he deserves to say "we" are pregnant. And from what I understand, Ashton has been every bit the doting daddy on Mila and her unborn child, going so far as to buy another refrigerator and stock it with things he thought she might crave at some point during the pregnancy. So she needs to give dude a break. Lol

  4. While I was pregnant with the Beats, one of Grey's coworkers went on a rant about how men don't have the right to us "we" when referring to pregnancy. Then she looked at Grey and said "but in your case, considering all the hell you both went through, the continued anxiety and the fact you're shooting your wife up nightly with drugs to sustain the pregnancy, you are the exception."

    Yes, it's true that the physical changes happened to my body, but it is well known that men who have close relationships with their pregnant partner also go through hormonal changes during pregnancy. Hence they too are "pregnant" in a chemical sense. I suspect Al is experience something like this. As do many men who are vested into the gestation of their child.

    But then again, not all couples are so close....

  5. I agree with you 100%. First of all, they obviously don't mean "we" are pregnant in the literal sense since hello, men don't carry the babies. Yes, I am the one who experienced the physical side Of going through 3 IVFs, but WE are a team and WE went through 8.5 long years of trying for a baby TOGETHER. If my husband would have said "we" are pregnant, it would have made me feel proud.

  6. I understand your feelings regarding how much your husband did to help to get you pregnant; our husbands do so much for us while going through fertility treatments!
    However, I think it sounds silly to say "we are pregnant" when there is only one person who is actually pregnant. It makes more sense to me to say "we are having a baby" or "we are expecting."

  7. I agree! I can wait to say WE are pregnant!!!!!! He has waited just as long as me.

  8. Pregnancy for a couple is definitely a "we" experience. Who knows how celebrities experience pregnancy and childbirth. Maybe if we had a personal assistant, stylist and hair and makeup people at our disposal, the husband role wouldn't seem so important. Let's give Mila a pass as a newbie. However you choose to announce your pregnancy to the world, it's the beginning of an awesome adventure and a totally new phase of your relationship.