Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Almost that time

I have been thinking about this for several months now. It is almost time for Al and I to move on to another chapter of our lives. Am I ready? 98% of my heart tells me yes and the other 2% wants to keep trying for a baby as long as I can. We are rounding four years. Four very long years of so many challenges. It is so hard to imagine that people are subjected to this in order to have something that should have been gifted to each and every woman. I am looking forward to see where life takes me after this is over. I am interested to see how it effects Al and I and our relationship. I am interested to see what decisions we will make with our lives, what we will spend money on after there are no more treatments left. Interested to know if we will be able to live our lives full and enriched if there we can't have a child. Will we be able to enjoy our trips and vacations? Will we be able to keep having fun with family members babies and enjoy the fact that we can do anything on the drop of a dime? What will happen to this blog and my infertility facebook group? Both this blog and my group have been such a huge part of my life for several years now.  One thing is for sure, I wouldn't want to go through this with anyone other than my husband. I can't imagine going through this with any other person. Still my heart is somewhat sadden that we have done so much within the last few years and still without our baby. I also know that I can't dwell over what is not going to be or what is not meant to be.


So it is almost that time...............................  I am going to go into this with as much grace and poise as humanly possible. I am hoping to eventually shed less and less tears and truly accept what has been given to us and to make the best out of it. Mostly I will try to be thankful everyday for what I do have in my life even though I haven't been given everything I wanted so deeply.





13 comments:

  1. Your post put me back into a time when DH and I had the talk to move on with our lives because after 3 and a half years, tears and heart ache, we had wanted to throw in the towel. I can feel that same feeling where your heart just wants to move on, but that 2% of it that can't let go consumes every thought, feeling, etc. I only know your story, but you strike me as a very strong and poised woman who is coming out of the gate guns a'blazin'! No matter how the new chapter goes, always hold on to that love you have in your marriage. It sounds like you have a very rare love!

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    1. First of all, thank you so much for your sweet words. You are so right about my marriage and I know that in itself is an absolute blessing.

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  2. I can't relate completely to this, but I have experienced pain in other areas where I have had to let go. It is never easy. As I am just now starting out my personal journey I only hope to be as strong as you, and as determined! I do know that whatever you and Hubby decided to do it will be blessed. Praying that you'll find peace in the new season(s) to come.

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  3. You can relate then. Having to let go of anything you love and causes you pain, hurts. I am wishing you so much luck on your journey!

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  4. I've thought about this a lot, wondering when I will know when it's time to walk away and get on with our lives. I don't know if there's ever a time when you won't have some doubts though. Whatever you decide, you're one tough cookie and I know you'll tackle it with grace and strength.

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    1. Thank you so much. I absolutely agree that there will always be some doubt.

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  5. I'm on the cusp of this decision myself...and it's hard. I hope you're able to find peace in this decision and that life brings you exciting adventures along the way!

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    1. Thank you and I hope the same for you.

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  6. This is the question that so many of us have had to struggle with at some point... your heart will lead you to the right answers... hugs

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    1. I know that the decision we have made is the right decision. I just need to hold on to that :)

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  7. No words just big hugs!! I will continue to hold out hope and hold you both in the light.

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  8. When you do get to the poin that you are done, I hope you still continue blogging. It's not the IF stories I am drawn to, but YOU! I'm here to support you, regardless of what stage you are in.

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