I have been thinking about this for several months now. It is almost time for Al and I to move on to another chapter of our lives. Am I ready? 98% of my heart tells me yes and the other 2% wants to keep trying for a baby as long as I can. We are rounding four years. Four very long years of so many challenges. It is so hard to imagine that people are subjected to this in order to have something that should have been gifted to each and every woman. I am looking forward to see where life takes me after this is over. I am interested to see how it effects Al and I and our relationship. I am interested to see what decisions we will make with our lives, what we will spend money on after there are no more treatments left. Interested to know if we will be able to live our lives full and enriched if there we can't have a child. Will we be able to enjoy our trips and vacations? Will we be able to keep having fun with family members babies and enjoy the fact that we can do anything on the drop of a dime? What will happen to this blog and my infertility facebook group? Both this blog and my group have been such a huge part of my life for several years now. One thing is for sure, I wouldn't want to go through this with anyone other than my husband. I can't imagine going through this with any other person. Still my heart is somewhat sadden that we have done so much within the last few years and still without our baby. I also know that I can't dwell over what is not going to be or what is not meant to be.
So it is almost that time............................... I am going to go into this with as much grace and poise as humanly possible. I am hoping to eventually shed less and less tears and truly accept what has been given to us and to make the best out of it. Mostly I will try to be thankful everyday for what I do have in my life even though I haven't been given everything I wanted so deeply.