Friday, December 5, 2014

2 A.M Blogger

It seems that 2 am blogging might actually work for me. I am finding it hard during the day to actually sit down and read blogs plus blog myself. Since I do the 2 am feeds, I have to wait an hour for Lilah's pump to feed her, I have some spare time. It consists of shopping online, watching some t.v, washing bottles and now and again, dropping a few lines on my blog. 

It really seems like I don't have much to contribute any longer. I have turned into a mom that posts cute pictures of babies and updates. It seems so weird to me that I am no longer going through treatments, peeing on sticks, and taking tons of medications to get pregnant. It seems weird that will never be part of my life again. It is a part of my life that I am thankful for though. It is a part of my life I will never forget and don't want to forget. It is a part of my life that I will share with the girls when they get older. I want them to know just how hard Al and I fought to make them and then get them here with us. 

For the most part they are pretty happy babies. Lilah has a few meltdowns during the day now and she is a screamer! Well it is high pitch and almost sounds like a cat. When she wants something, she wants it now and there is no other option. But, then she can just sit and give you the biggest smiles ever. It seriously melts my heart. She is still on her feeding tube and there have been several issues with that. Over the Thanksgiving holiday we ran out of the tubes from the NICU and started using the ones that the home health care place sent. Well they were cheap and within one day she had spit up her tube three times. One time it came out of her mouth. They were so lightweight that whenever she would cough or gag, up it came. Al and I were totally beside ourselves and didn't know what to do. We called the healthcare company (which was no help), we called the Cardiologist ( which told us to take her to the ER), we called the dietician ( which never returned our phone call) and last we texted our  favorite RN in the NICU. On Sunday morning Al was at the NICU at 5:30 in the morning picking up a few tubes for Lilah. She said we could sanitize and reuse. Thank goodness for caring people. So after fighting with the home healthcare people, they are suppose to be sending up a heavy duty tube. We shall see. I am not getting my hopes up. And let me tell you how hard it is to see your daughter choking tubes up. 

Olivia is our little drama queen. Oh boy, oh boy. She cries ALOT. Not a hungry or hurting cry, a forced cry to hold her. Of course we love holding babies in the Rapp household. I don't believe that holding them is spoiling them. I worked way too hard to get them here and I am not going to miss a minute with my little Drama Queen. She is also almost 8 lbs and growing so quickly. The other night Al put a little elf hat on her and she started screaming. I laughed so hard. She also doesn't like eskimo kisses. So much like her mom already. 

I still have 5 weeks maternity leave and Al goes back Monday. I will be all alone with both girls and hoping I have what it takes to do this. I won't lie, I am nervous Nellie on this one. 

We have also decided to keep Lilah home as long as possible before putting her into childcare. Olivia will start on January 12th and I am hoping to keep LIlah home until the end of March. Lets keep our fingers crossed I can get enough friends and family to stay at my house and watch her. Oh by the way we are still waiting to hear back on the RSV shot. The Cardiologist sent in the letter of medical necessity for LIlah. 


  1. Holding babies all of the time is definitely not spoiling them! I held Izzy for so much of my maternity leave and it was heaven. I think that is why she is such a good snuggler these days. :-)

    The first day on your own is scary but you can do it!!

  2. ha that elf hat picture is too cute!

  3. They are just too cute! Enjoy your time and I wish I could help you out with watching them :(

  4. I've had similar thoughts and been in a very similar situation. It's shocking to finally be home, getting into a routine and realize how different life is now that you're down with expanding your family. Honestly, it's hard to write about because while it's trying, you're also in a weird spot where you've hit the point so many in the community long for. Trust me, I completely get it.

    I agree 100% with Non Sequitur: holding them will not spoil them. It's bonding and it's important. Feel free to slap anyone who pushes the issue.

    I also found 2 am to be a good time to do everything I couldn't do during the day. It's strange to be living that life and can be isolating at times. But you do what is needed.

    Finally, I felt the exact same terror about being home alone with them. It seems overwhelming. I promise you, you'll figure it out. In fact, it will shock you how you figure it out and how well you can get things to work. I'm at a point now were I have them 3 x week, managing everything during the day as well as getting dinner and housework done. Grey helps as soon as he walks through the door. The end result is that we scare others with our actions and ability to juggle two toddlers at once (I've actually had people joke that I've given them courage about having a second). I'm certain you guys will do the same.

  5. Sweet sweet girls. Oliver is now 18 months, and I hold him every second I can!!!!!! Yup Oliver is the best snuggler, so get ready mama for hugs galore once their older!!!!

  6. I also blogged at 2 am during tube feedings! I'd also play this iPad game where you had to find objects in a busy picture. That helped pass the lonely hours. You will have plenty

  7. ( phone sucks for blogger comments) plenty to blog about as the months pass. But it will be more fun stuff and also some twin stuff.