This & That

Well I spoke with my insurance company yesterday, along with Dr. Kims office and the Coram Center. It still looks like we are in the running to get our IVIG covered and done in Oklahoma. I already knew the insurance would cover the $3,000 cost of medication for a $30 co-pay. We are now waiting to see if they will cover the infusion center. Dr. K office faxed back the last authorization form they required yesterday. Hoping to have a answer within the next week and really hoping for some good news. If we are covered, I will be able to get my first infusion before next cycle. I will need to talk to my boss about it and let him know that I will be missing some work. Not sure if I shared this or not, but during our company Christmas party a few weeks ago, my boss just proved once more on how fantastic he is. He asked Al and I how our fertility issues were going and wanted to know if we were still going through treatments etc. He also asked how things were going after seeing the specialist and then said he wants us to get pregnant this year because we are such a giving couple. He has seen all the pain I have gone through within the past few years and he hurts for us. To top things off, he said he would help however I needed it. This includes paid time off for treatments etc. Can you say wow? I really love my job.

Today is CD7 and I totally forgot to take my Femara last night. I didn't realize until I woke up this morning. I decided to go ahead and take my dose this morning and will take my last dose tomorrow morning. Sometimes it is so hard keeping up with all these medications and the different times you need to take them throughout your cycle. It is truly a miracle I remember half of this shit :) Btw I have become a pro at the lovenox shots. I don't even get bruising anymore. Pro I tell ya!

Over the Christmas holiday, Al and I contracted some sort of cold virus. My poor husband has been sleeping in the recliner because his coughing is so bad when he is in bed. Nothing like sharing lots of snot and coughing with the one you love :)

Not sure if you guys remember me telling you that I bought our niece a glow fish tank, but didn't take pictures. Thankfully my sister sent one to me the other night. Be prepared for some cuteness! IS that not just adorable??

Well today is New Years Eve of 2013. Tomorrow will hopefully start a year of great memories, fun times, being more in love with my husband, watching my teenager in her last year of high school. Things are changing so much and so fast. To be honest it has all changed for the better though compared to what my life used to be. Sometimes I wake up and really can't believe this is my life and I am so blessed with a great job, amazing family, and means to be able to travel with my husband. What a far road I have traveled and wouldn't change a thing.

Any big plans for New Years Eve??? I am a dud and will probably be in bed sleeping by 10. I hope all of you have your dreams come true in 2014.

Accepting new members

Quick note:

I am accepting new members into my infertility facebook group. We've had such success that most of the woman have graduated from infertility to pregnancy and gone on to be moms. If you are interested please send a request to the group. I don't allow any drama. We have a great group of woman who are amazing! We have a diverse group of ladies:

Some have been trying for many many years
Others decided to adopt
Some are going ivf route, others are trying naturally and/or iui/timed intercourse
Some have underlying immune issues
We have primary and secondary suffers in our group


Here is the link if you are interested:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/209836362407126/

I would love to hear from you. You may be a great fit for the group or you may not, but it never hurts to give it a shot.

2014 is going to rock!

Well I made it through another dreaded Christmas and not because I don't have a baby to share with everyone during the holidays. Mainly because I hate shopping, wrapping, cleaning, driving, and sitting around. All and all this turned out to be a lovely holiday though. I actually enjoyed it more then the previous years. On Christmas eve Al and I headed to Arkansas so we could spend a few days with his family. On the way we decided to stop at the Hard Rock Casino/Resort in Tulsa. It was a very good decision. I ended up winning!

I actually cashed out with over $800.00 and put $10.00 in this machine. I love Lord of the Rings so I figured the game should be fun and it was :)

We made our way to Arkansas and spent the first night at Al's parents house. The second night his other sister and her husband, two kids made it down, so we opted to get a nice hotel room on Christmas night and it was perfect! In fact I think we might start the casino/hotel room as a tradition on Christmas travel every year.

Al took this picture of me telling stories to our niece and nephew. It was really funny because they were totally engrossed in whatever I was talking about, but don't remember :)

On our way back home yesterday we stopped by the casino again hoping that luck would still be with us............... and it was. Al won another $400.00. From the casino we stopped by my sisters house to give my two nieces their presents. I am upset that I didn't get a picture of them :( We bought my youngest a 3 gallon glow fish tank and set it up for her. She was BEYOND thrilled. When her dad got home from work she said " Dad come look at my gift from uncle Al and aunt Neesha, it is AWESOME!

So finally we pulled back home around 7 last night so I could work today. Like I said, a pretty darn good Christmas this year.

I am really looking forward to 2014 for many reasons (some exciting and others not).  As you all know, we have put a time limit on ttc and 2014 is the last year we will actively go through treatment, see the RE and do any type of medication protocol. In one sense I am very scared that it won't happen this year and our years of infertility will end with empty arms. On the other hand I am excited to know that we can start a new phase in our lives and no more baby stress. It takes so much out of your emotionally, physically and financially. By the end of this year Al and I will be at peace either way and that is something I very much look forward to . We are also buying us a new rv this spring for all of our camping trips! We have our year planned for all our getaways and that is pretty exciting. We had planned on going to Florida, but it doesn't look like that is going to happen. There were some scheduling conflicts and  life happens also. We decided to take a week vacation to Colorado instead and try some skiing and white water rafting. Also decided to take Cierra to New York for next Christmas and that is going to be her graduation present from us. (she doesn't know). We have some really nice camping trips in the works with our new rv. For my birthday we are going to reserved a suite at the Hard Rock Casino/Resort. Plus we have a nice little anniversary trip planned to Arkansas. So lots of stuff going on this year. I really love to travel and we have been so blessed to be able to do this hobby of ours.

I will also (hopefully) be starting my IVIG treatments in January sometime. I am taking this month off from RE and just taking Femara. Next month I will jump back on board with Follistim/IUI and my infusions and go full steam ahead for the rest of the year. In February we will have been fighting infertility for 4 years. I will do a separate post on that when the time comes.

Like I said, lots going on.

Oh before I forget. I leave you with my one of my favorite Christmas presents from my sis!

I hope that everyone had a nice Christmas regardless if you are still in the trenches of fighting infertility, pregnant after infertility, parenting after infertility or adopting.....

A litte of this and a little of that

Thought I would do a "this & that" post today. 

We had some ice over the weekend and I for one love how everything looks covered in ice and with the sun shining on it. Such beauty. Although Al has some tree branches to clean up within the next few days. We have some that fell on our roof and our poor Magnolia tree took a pretty good hit :(

Today we celebrated our little family Christmas before heading out of state to have Christmas with Al's family. I look at these pictures from this morning and it is a reminder of how truly lucky and blessed my life is.
My beautiful necklace from Al

 I really hope that you all have a Merry Christmas and be sure to remind yourself of at least one thing to be thankful for this season.


TTC news:

Today is 10DPO and this cycle was a bust. Going to take the next month off from RE and just do a Femara cycle. Plan on getting back to Follistim/IUI at the end of January 2014.

It's Friday!

Funny Infertility Friday is here :)

Completely fed up.

This post is non infertility related and has to be said. First and foremost I am so tired of the people using religion to give them a right to decide who is worthy and who isn't. I have never hid the fact that I do not believe in God nor any religion. I am a firm believer that I live my life to the fullest and do the best for others and for myself that is possible. I try on a daily basis not to be hateful or harmful to others. I also respect everyone's right to their own faith as long as it " doesn't spew hate to others that don't believe in the same things" This is not being said toward those of the Christian faith only, this is being said to anyone that feels they are pass any kind of judgement and have not made mistake in their own life. Yes I do understand that many religions such as Christianity live by the words in a book and if you feel that someone is going to burn in hell because they are a homosexual, then that is your right, but don't feel like you are being persecuted when others don't wholeheartedly agree with you and get on your ban wagon on hate. Why can't we all just live our lives and do the best that we have control of daily? Save yourself before you start worrying about saving the world. I am sorry but I am so damn sick and tired of the hypocrites in this world! Just so you know, hate is not justified because the book you are reading states it is okay in certain circumstances. 

So Duck Dynasty guys
 In the GQ profile, the 67-year-old Duck Commander founder called being gay a “sin” and compared it to bestiality. “It seems like, to me, a vagina — as a man — would be more desirable than a man’s anus,” he told the mag. “That’s just me. I’m just thinking: There’s more there! She’s got more to offer… But hey, sin: It’s not logical, my man. It’s just not logical… Start with homosexual behavior and just morph out from there. Bestiality, sleeping around with this woman and that woman and that woman and those men.”

 and Sara Palins of the world................ try saying something nice about a person or doing a kind act for a person you feel is committing a sin. I would think that is what a true Christian person would do? Show love instead of spreading more hate in this world.

I have many friends that are very religious and you should know me well enough to know I am not attacking your faith, but I am standing up for what I feel is wrong in this world. Also please don't feel like you need to save me. I for one am totally happy and at peace with my beliefs.

Thankful

On a daily basis I see people who complain and complain about anything and everything. For such a long time I couldn't figure out how so many people are so miserable in their lives. Now I see that it is just the way some of us are and will always continue to be regardless. This makes me work even harder to see the beautiful things in life daily. Take a moment and be thankful for something, no matter how small :)

Try to remember that no matter how bad your days are, you are the only one with the power to change your outlook.

Challenge

I challenge every person who reads my blog to do one good deed selflessly for someone within the next 30 days. Will you accept?

I would love to hear about your good deed :)

IVIG Treatments

As you know I have been searching high and low, under every rock in Oklahoma to find a place that would administer IVIG. Every corner I turned it was a total dead end and everyone refused to do the treatment because an out of state doctor was referring the order. Well a few weeks ago a fellow blogger and someone who is also going through immune issues suggested I contact a Coram Center and see if they would administer. She also had an out of state order and was able to get it done through them. I quickly googled Coram Infusion Center and nothing showed up in Oklahoma ( another dead end). I pretty well moved on. Well Friday on my facebook a Coram Center popped up on the right hand side along with all the advertisements and I clicked on it. Low and behold there is a Coram Center in Oklahoma! It was to late Friday to call so I waited until this morning. The first gentlemen that answered the phone told me no that they will not do it with an out of state referral, but he would transfer me to administration just to make sure. After talking to Susan for about 15 minutes, it looks like getting IVIG in Oklahoma might be an option. They  have a LONG list of needs before they will put everything together, but it is a real shot at finally having this done. She said it would take weeks to get everything in place with insurance etc. That is fine because I am in middle of cycle right now and will have to take next month off. So everything ( fingers crossed) should be in place for a end of January infusion? I am going to try not to get very excited, but definitely going to stay hopeful that we won't need to go to Chicago to have one treatment done next year. If I am able to get it done here in Oklahoma there is only a $30 co-pay ( according to my insurance company) and I will be able to get all the infusions!

Fingers crossed...........................

I don't want to finish this journey and ever question that we didn't do everything possible. Now it is a very real possibility that question won't ever cross my mind :)

Test Trial Wordpress

My new link:

http://justtonisha.wordpress.com

Change of plans

I might have did leave things very dramatic the other day. Later in the afternoon my clinic called with my E2 results and even though I had 7+ mature follicles ( what I saw) and according to the clinic 10+ mature follicles, my E2 levels had dropped to 753. 

 

They still insisted that we not go forward with TI and actually recommended that I start aygestin ( to stop ovulation and reset cycle). I was up in the air all day on what decision was the best one for us and depending on what the E2 levels looked like would make the ultimate decision. I told the clinic what with my levels being that low there was no way that all the follicles were still growing, but instead dropping off or dying. So my husband and I made the decision to move forward. I did a Ovidrel trigger shot on Tuesday evening and ovulated yesterday. I know in my heart that we made the right decision and with the fact my last dose of Follistim was the Friday before, I am very confident that we only had a few (maybe 3 or 4) follicles that contained an egg. I will be out next cycle regardless because of all the left over cysts I will have from this cycle. Hoping this month works because the next month we can try is in February and that is the month we got pregnant and lost circle. I try not to hold onto things that I have no control of as far as my losses, but I would prefer to not go through that experience on the same month as last year. 

Guess we will see what the next two weeks brings?

Taking a break

The past four years have finally caught up with me. Today will be my last post for a while as I am taking a break from this space. I have worked on being positive and seeing the best in everything and I now realize that I was just being blinded to the facts of the situation. 

CD9 U/S went horrible. Not only can we not do iui, we can't do TI and they won't give me a discount on ivf because I was over stimulated by my doctor. Here is what four days of 150 IU did to me:

At the very least I have 11 mature follicles as of today. I asked about the possibility of switching to an ivf cycle and was told they really prefer we start off with an ivf cycle and not switch last minute, but the would probably do it if it meant I wouldn't go home and have timed intercourse. The cost would be full price though. Is it just me being over emotional or do you feel like I should get a bit of a discount through my clinic? I have been with them over four years with multiple ivfs and iuis, not counting the TI cycles I have been through? He did put me on way to much meds and if he would have looked through my chart, he would have seen that? Do doctors make mistakes? Of course they do and it could be very possible I am just looking to blame someone for my anger. Regardless what if we had timed intercourse it would be totally irresponsible and it would be a decision based on emotion verses the facts. Neverless it fucking sucks! I am SO sick and tired of being told " I am sorry" from everyone and especially the doctors. I wish instead of staying sorry they would just fix the problem at hand.

Last Christmas we got pregnant and it was a loss a few days later.

Risk taker?

I am not sure about others, but I have always lived my life taking risks. Not sure if it is just part of my personality or I just don't want to look back on something in my life and regret not doing it. I really don't know the reason, but I have never been " lets play it safe" on anything that has come my direction.

With that being said, I had my Cd9 u/s this morning.

Even stopping the FSH two days ago my ovaries are still fighting full speed ahead. As of this morning I have (5) follicles that will be ready to trigger on Tuesday and (5) that are a half of second behind them. My RE suggested that we call this cycle to play it safe. She also gave me the option of waiting until Tuesday and going in for one last u/s in a last ditch effort hoping a few of the follies will stop growing. After the u/s we spent a while talking about the options and the recommendations of the clinic. I have had (6) mature follicles along with iui in past and no pregnancy. I've also had (6) miscarriages. So this makes the decision at hand a very hard one that Al and I won't take lightly. Dr. C said if we had never been pregnant in the last four years of treatment with them, they wouldn't be as hesitant and may consider going forward, but because I do get pregnant she doesn't think we should keep going. My argument is, according to my clinic I have bad egg quality so I do need a lot more verses the woman who doesn't have egg issues and hope that there is one good one in the bunch. In four years of treatment, which includes ALOT of treatment, Al and I still aren't pregnant.  I do understand the risk of multiples and not just twin multiples, more like quad multiples and I won't lie, that is something I don't want. I also know that there is a good chance that only one or two would take. And I also know that there is chance none will take.

It is a gamble and now I have to decide how high risk I am willing to go. I do know that at this point Al and I are NOT ready to take a chance if ten+ follicles are mature Tuesday. I am hoping we have 8 or less. 

I know this decision opens up a lot of disagreement and judgement so if you don't have anything supportive and helpful to say, your comment will not be posted. I have to much on my plate right now to deal with those people. 

Any of you ever been in this situation? I would love to hear some feedback.

Until Tuesday..... Lots to think about.

CD7 Update :(

I went in for my cd 7 u/s this morning and there were 3 follicles on my right ovary and 8 on my left.
Three follies on right 14, 12, 11 and eight on left five at 11 and three at 11 1/2. My lining was at 9. I got a call from the doctor and knew that there wasn't good news. My E2 levels are 727. They completely over stimulated me on this cycle. She wants me to stop the folllistim tonight and tomorrow, then come back on Sunday morning. They are hoping all the small ones on left will quit growing and we can pull on the few on my right ovary. She also warned me that there is a big possibility that won't happen and this cycle was a bust.

Instead of sitting here getting all pissed and depressed that another cycle is shot, I am going to mark it up as a learning experience for all of us. I guess I can also sit here and be certain that I will not be the next Octomom.

I will update on Sunday.

Baby dreams

Within the past few months I've had multiple baby dreams. In all of my dreams the baby or babies are always  a girl and she looks the same. A beautiful little baby with dark curly hair and these beautiful sparkling blue eyes and she is mine. Like I said in some dreams there are twins and others there is only one baby. Now I really love to go to sleep and see what I will dream about. Sometimes I am in labor and others I am feeding this little angel. She is always happy and smiling at me. I can only think this is a sign of good things to come our way. In the past all my baby dreams have ended with me losing the baby or for some reason giving birth to a half horse half baby ( yeah still trying to figure that one out). Lately is has been nothing but this very inspirational and uplifting feeling while I sleep and I look forward to more dreams like this to come. It makes me wake up the next morning smiling ear to ear.

Hoping for my future baby girl.................................

I had to put in the picture of half horse/half baby :)

Misery

“Oftentimes. when people are miserable, they will want to make other people miserable, too. But it never helps.”
― Lemony Snicket, 

Do miserable people realize how truly miserable they are?
How well do we truly know ourselves?

 For most of my life I chose to be around this type of person and it changed me into a miserable person. Once I let go, a new me started to grow and now I am definitely the person I always wanted to be.

New month, new cycle and plan.

Today was my CD3 appointment with Dr. H. After talking we have decided to stim with only Follistim on this cycle. I need to pull out more than the few follicles I have for the past few months. I thought about this a lot because the cost of Follistim is completely outrageous and all out of pocket. I have been trying to hoard the little that I had left, but decided to go all the way this month. Hoping with all I have that I can at least get 5 follicles and 6 would be even better. Waiting on a call back because I had a few smaller cysts but nothing to be worried about. Should start shooting myself up tonight! Today was also my crazy blood run for Dr. Kims office. To my surprise the whole process took about an hour and that was for both locations, plus sending off to Chicago! Maybe this is a sign of great things to come this month. 

Feeling hopeful :) 

UPDATE: Start 150 IU of Follistim tonight .

 I also wanted to share my early Christmas present from my amazing husband.. Look at this beautiful China I found a few weeks ago and he went yesterday and bought it for me :)

Dreaded December