Reminders

We all need these reminders from time to time.

This & That

This post is going to be a mixture of this and that stuff.

First of all I am very happy to say that my body and medications are working wonderfully together. I have adjusted to all of them and no nasty side effects anymore. I am still bruising with my lovenox injections, but that is a given at this point. I've been on the full dose of metformin for about 3 or 4 weeks now and I am not having any stomach issues. I do need to keep snacks around and always have something on my stomach, but as long as I do that, it is smooth sailing.

Yesterday I bought my first item ever from an antique shop. I love to go window shopping at those places and always have an issue with spending that much money. I broke down yesterday and had my husband drive me through the snow so I could make my first purchase. You are going to laugh when I tell you that I have absolutely NO idea what to use this for or what to do with it, but I fell in love. Plus I was able to talk the dealer down to $55.00.

I also found a China set that I want and found out that my darling husband is buying it for me at Christmas! I don't have a dinning room in our house now as it is only 1300 sq ft. My plans are to keep it put up until I get my dream dinning room in Colorado. I will share picture of it around Christmas time.

On TTC:

Today is 7DPO and nothing is going on. My temps have been up and down. Have a gut feeling this cycle wasn't the winner winner chicken dinner. That' okay though, there are plenty of future opportunities :)

Funny Infertility Friday

On cycle front:

Today is 4DPO and as you know nothing happening this early. I was very impressed with my chart this cycle though. I had a nice dip for ovulation and a very nice rise the day after. This tells me that my medications are indeed doing their job. One small step at a time :)

No Title Today.

I know that my post yesterday was filled with so much frustration to all the doctors. I didn't really take the time to also mention the good things that have come out of all these visits. My RE office here in OKC although they can't keep me pregnant, have been very supportive of me for the past few years. I know that many people (and I should) think you need to have success within a short period of time or move on. I think when I realized that we were having infertility problems, I knew there was NO quick fix. In the back of my mind I knew I was in this for the long haul . My RE did tell me earlier in the year that he had exhausted all options to get me pregnant and did suggest I go to CCRM for further testing and treatment. After talking to him and explaining that wasn't an option for us (because we are still paying off debt for the two failed ivf's) he said that he would help me in whatever I decided. At first I was so hurt and upset that he told me he couldn't do anything further, but now I totally respect him for being honest with me instead of leading us on. I have a wonderful relationship with most of the staff at my office. I can call and/or email and get a response within an hour and most times within 20 minutes. They don't have the highest success rate stats, but at this point I want someone who I have a relationship with and understands me. I don't want to be just another "number/patient". My office is also working with Dr. Kim and doing things that they wouldn't usually do. Dr. Kim wants me to have about 8 vials of blood drawn and FED-EX'd overnight every month. I called around to independent labs all over OKC and NO-ONE would draw my blood and release to me (except my clinic). 

I know that I am still in early stages of my new immune protocol with Dr. Kim. In all honesty I don't expect another positive pregnancy test for a good few months. As confusing, frustrating and just plain difficult this new protocol has been in trying to implement here in OK, it has been totally worth it. In my heart I feel what I am doing is the right thing. Over three years Al and I tried the same treatment and protocol with the same results. We might get the same results with this also, but I just don't know until I give it a worth while shot. We are getting close to our timeline of living without a child together so we have to give this our all and them some. I do believe in Dr. Kim though. I know people that were given hardly no chance of ever conceiving a child of their own and did exactly that with her protocol . I can't compare this to nationwide studies, but I don't really believe in studies anyway. Things can be twisted on any study to produce certain results. I do also believe that with or without a child that Al and I did everything within our power to have one. I will never look back and think we could have done more. 

I guess after these past few years I have also learned to have patience. Every cycle that goes by I don't look at it like "this is the cycle" I don't really get upset on failed cycles anymore either. I have completely disconnected myself from it. The other day at my u/s my favorite nurse asked if I had my HCG trigger shot. I explained that the specialty pharmacy had not called me back yet. She said that the clinic would sell me one and when the cycle was a success I could bring the other one back and get my money back. I calmly looked at her and asked how long I have been a patient there. She said it was over 3 1/2. So then I smiled and said " Michelle lets not talk about this being a successful cycle anymore. How about we just treat it for what it is and then if we get pregnant and have a heartbeat we refer to it as a success then". She smiled and explained she wanted to be optimistic for me. I get that, I really do, but it is not an optimistic or negative thing anymore. It is what it is and nothing more or less.  If I got emotionally invested in every single cycle and was completely crushed or let down when it doesn't work, I would be a mental case. I do hope that one cycle works though :) 

I guess after all of this ranting, I just wanted to say that regardless what doctors we see, what treatments and/or protocols are used...............................

Al and I will be okay as always. We will love each other daily, work on keeping our marriage strong and being happy with our lives that we have been blessed with. It may not be the life we thought it would be or the life we expected, but it is the life we have been given and will cherish it. 

Frustration

I just got back from my appointment with Rheumatologist. I can say with 100% certainty that I am fed up with the medical community at this point. 

Al and I have tried for years now to achieve a pregnancy and have lost pregnancy after pregnancy. Since Oklahoma doesn't have any reproductive immunologist we decided to take a leap of faith and travel out of state. In a way I am happy we did because we finally got answers. On the other hand I wish we didn't because you can't get treatment in orders are from out of State. 

I referred to Rheumatologist because Dr. Kim felt certain I have a underlying immune issue. I was hoping that a doctor here would prescribe IVIG so we could have that option to help achieve a pregnancy and for it to stick. Well as you can guess the doctor here doesn't agree with Dr. Kim's treatment plan and said no to IVIG and not only no, but wants to change my protocol because she doesn't believe I should be on steroids or Lovenox, but instead a medication called placard. She seems to think I do have APS, but said without a history of blood clots it is hard to say for sure. 

I explained to her that I trust Dr. Kims opinion since she is the one dealing strictly with people in my situation and respectfully told her that I will not be stopping my steriods and starting another drug. She respectfully told me that she doesn't agree with the protocol I am on and will not be giving me a prescription for IVIG. 

At this point, the only way for us to have it done is to travel to Chicago. There is a lot to think about. But now I sit here frustrated with the medical community. 

 

Funny Infertility Friday & CD10 Update

Today was my CD10 u/s and this picture above is kinda accurate. I only had two follicles, but I was on Femara 7.5mg for five days and Menopur 150ampules for several days. When she did the scan and then assumed I was doing iui this cycle, I about fell of the table. My response " I am NOT doing an iui for two follicles". My doctor was stunned which surprises me because all along they said I have bad eggs, so why would they waste a cycle on iui for me with only two follicles. I was just sitting there and shaking my head. The doctor then asked " how many did you think you would have?" I thought at least four and then went on to tell her last month I had four on Follistim and always respond well to the medications. She told me " well this isn't Follistim" I don't know if it was my self induced pissy mood, but I really wanted to slap the shit out of her at that point.

Oh well...........................................

We have a 14mm and a 16mm, lining was 6.5. Trigger tomorrow night and then TI. I don't have any choice but to make the best out of this situation so that is what I will do.

I also have some Menopur that I am willing to get rid of. Please let me know if you are interested. 

Just call me

Yeah just start calling me slick cool wheels. I totally side swiped a mini van this morning and it was my fault. Usually when it comes to driving I am a great driver. Almost perfect driving record. Hopefully it will stay that way after this morning. I was trying to merge onto a major interstate and was behind a guy who thought it was smart to merge at 15mph. Yes during the rush hour to work traffic and with the cars going 70mph he thought that 15mph was an ideal speed. So I tried to get around him and there was a van. Oops. I hit her and we still managed to be in front of the asshole who got on the highway at 15mph. I am not sure about your state, but Oklahoma is filled with freaking stupid ass drivers! We ALL know that when merging onto a road you do the speed of flowing traffic or a little faster, but by NO means 50mph slower!~ Ugh... The lady I hit was very nice and I apologized like ten times. I didn't see any damage on her mini van and at the time there didn't seem like there was damage on mine ( I didn't really look that well). We exchanged insurance information and drivers license information and went on our way. I called my husband and he informed me on how wrong I did things.

#1 " You are suppose to call the police"
#2 " She could damage her vehicle and file a claim against you"

I suppose he is right, but at the moment I was just thinking about catching up with the asshole merging at 15 mph and slap the shit out of him for the day.

When I got to work I actually took time and noticed I do have damage to my front fender. I don't think it is enough to be over our deductible, but I don't know. My hubby is going to call the insurance company to let them know there was a little accident this morning and no visible damage to the other vehicle.

Slick Cool Wheels signing off for today....

Funny Infertility Friday & Great News!

Happy Funny Infertility Friday!

Here is the good news. I weighed myself this morning and I am down to 160 lbs~  which means my BMI is 25.1! Dr. Kim wants me at 25... Hard work is paying off and I am so proud of myself :)

Also got call from clinic yesterday and my E2 was low enough to start this cycle. Femara starts tonight and Menopur on Tuesday.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

This & That

I haven't done a "this & that" post in a while. Just thought I would update on the odds and ends going on in life, but not enough to actually make a blog post about.

#1....  My daughter worked her first full weekend last week. I am still in shock that she is working and soon to be driving! Here is my not so little anymore Braums employee.. This weekend we are going to set up her first checking account, Can you believe this? My daughter with a checking account and job. I think as many times as I say this it won't hit home for me.

#2..................Yesterday walking out my door, I saw this. Not sure if you aware but on facebook many people are doing the 30 days of thankful. When I saw this sky, I said to myself " I am so thankful to be alive and healthy" seeing such beauty truly makes you stop for a minute and realize just how good life is.

#3........... I looked back at my posts here lately and realized I have totally turned into a Negative Nancy and I don't like that side of myself.  Since it is a choice, I don't want to see that ugly side of me anymore then I absolutely have to. I knew this last night when Al came home and bought me home some flowers from the market. 

 #4.......... went in for my cd2 baseline this morning. My lining was at 6.5 and I had about 20 AF. I also had a 20mm cyst on my right ovary. Waiting on E2 levels to come back to know rather I can go forward with this cycle or have to set this one out. I do know that stimming with FSH that this happens a lot. Guess we will see what later today brings.

Thanks for joining my "this & that" post.

Mis-Communication

Today is my official CD1. I contacted Dr. Kims office two days ago and informed them of the negative pregnancy test and requested my kit for cd1-cd3 testing that I have to overnight back to them every month. No answer back, no kit in my mail. I sent another message this morning and explained that this is time senstive and I have not recieved any responses from their office and asked if we were just bypassing bloodwork this month. The problem is, I have called the office and was told specifically to not call and leave messages because they would not answer them quickly. Instead I am to use the patient portal and send messages. I have been following all the confusing directions I have been given. I am doing my job by going to several different places a month to have blood done and shipping it overnight (which is very expensive). I have made calendars, notes and even have freaking nightmares about this new protocol that I am trying to do step by step. Why am I not getting the same in return? I will make this very clear, I think Dr. Kim is amazing and a wonderful doctor. I do believe that her protocol will get me pregnant. I am just so frustrated with her office staff. I am having enough issues on my end trying to keep up with things and feel it is very unfair that I have to keep up with them also. 

There was a correspondence two weeks ago with a nurse at her office who told me I shouldn't be on lovenox. I was totally confused. Come to find out she didn't read my chart and had no idea what cd I was even on. I guess my biggest fear is Dr. Kim will quit perscribing me all these new meds that I need if I am not getting my bloodwork done and sent in, but what am I suppose to do? I got a bill the other day for my phone consult with her and it was over $200. I can't really call their office and talk with her directly because of the cost. Somehow there needs to be some communication with her staff and a understanding that they need to do their job like I am doing mine. 

Guess I am done ranting for the day. I am just so frustrated. 

Metformin

I firmly believe that I will be down to my recommended 25BMI by the end of the week.

No further explanation needed. Enjoy the picture.

Next

This cycle didn't work. I am not going to sit here and pretend I am totally shocked. The iui was a day early and if timing is wrong then everything else seems to be off also.

This cycle we are going to do Menopur/Femara and TI.

IF you know anyone that has extra medications left over and would like to donate and/or sell. Please email me at tonisharapp@yahoo.com.

Hope you all have a great week!

Oh before I forget. I am so proud to say I started my Metformin and I'm now on everything Dr. Kim has prescribed for me :) Big step.

Funny Infertility Friday....

So when your husband goes in for a sample and complains, it could be worse :)

Today is 8DPIUI and nothing going on :)