Tomorrow the girls will be 1 week old or 31 weeks gestation. Not really sure on how this all works yet.
I won't lie. I am overwhelmed. You hear stories from NICU moms and can't truly understand until you have been in this place. I am trying so hard to balance being a mom to my girls and also being my own caretaker. It is easy to forget simple things like eating, drinking, sleeping and showering. Until this point I was never an emotional person and now I find myself crying all the time. I worry about my girls....
For the most part they are both doing very well. We get compliments from nurses to doctors etc. on how "amazing" they are doing for twins born at 30 weeks.
Everyday they are getting stronger. Both are off the nose cannulas and both are just breathing room air. Their feedings have been increased daily. I am providing their breast milk. As of today Lilah is weighing 2 lbs 12.9 oz and Olivia is back up to 3 lbs .7 oz.
We did get some bad news today. Lilah has a hole in her heart. It is moderate to large and the position of it will most likely require open heart surgery. The cardiologist wants her to be at least five pounds before surgery. It looks like we have a few weeks to a month before that huge hurdle. I am scared. There is no other way to put it. I worked so hard to get these babies and the fear of losing one absolutely kills me. I have been trying so hard to keep my shit together for my little baby, but it is so hard. This really puts life into perspective. To think this morning I woke up feeling sorry for myself because I was hurting still after surgery and finding it hard to get around. Who would have know that later in the day I get news like this?
All we can do is take things one day at a time. I know my little peanut is a fighter just like her mom. I know that if anyone can make it through a surgery like this, it will be her for sure. Heck today she ripped her feeding tube out 3 times and also her respiratory line. I think the nurses are refer to her as Spitfire Rapp.
My beautiful Olivia is moving right along and she is such an amazing little girl. She has the most heart warming smile and she knows exactly when to smile at me.
I will leave you with pictures from today. PLEASE keep both my girls in your thoughts and prayers.