Day 3

Well I should have knocked on wood yesterday when I mentioned how bored I was. It turned eventful last night. First of all I was confused on exactly what status my cervix was in. Turns out I was 100% effaced and dilated to 1 cm. For some reason I had it in my mind that I did indeed have cervix left, but no such luck. My back starting hurting around noon yesterday so they kept an eye on things. I am doing the monitoring for girls and contractions twice a day. There were no contractions on my afternoon monitoring. Around 7 after my shower my back was still hurting and I started cramping so they decided to hook me up again. To my surprise I was having pretty good contractions at 2 minutes apart. They called the doctor to do a check on me. I am at 1 1/2- 2cm and she was able to feel the sacs. After a few hours of IV meds they slowed down and eventually stopped. I won't lie I was really freaked out and scared.. Even though the doctors keep telling me that the girls will be just fine at 28w4d, it doesn't make me feel better. I don't want them here this early. I am going to do everything and anything to keep them in until at least 30 weeks. I am cramping this morning though. Waiting on my team of doctors to come in and see me. Not sure how this day will play out, but lets hope it is BORING!!

Thanks again for all your support and please feel free to share your stories of pre-term labor or stories of friends that are in my situation. I am not sure if the 100% effacement makes a difference on how long I can keep these ladies in. Doctors seem to think a week on the longer side.

Day Two

Not much to report. I thought I might be going home today, but the MFM doctor came in this morning and said he would feel better if I stayed until Monday or Tuesday. Of course I will do whatever I need to for the girls, but hospital stays suck. Very boring indeed. I had some contractions last night and a few this morning. Nothing has really changed. They switched me from Lovenox to Heparin just in case we need surgery. I am also taking Procardia every six hours. Here within the last hour my back is starting to hurt pretty bad. Waiting to see what is next. Basically I have been sitting here today watching Lord of the Rings reruns, blogging, facebooking, eating amazing cupcakes from the hospital and napping.

I will update with any changes. I hope you ladies are having a wonderful Labor Day weekend!

Admitted

I went in for my MFM appointment this morning. Both girls were measured. Baby  A is 2lbs 7oz and Baby B is 2lbs14oz. I told the tech about the groin pain and pressured I had been experiencing for the past week or so. She decided to do an internal u/s to make sure my cervix was still long and closed. She finished up and I asked how everything looked. Her response was she was going to show the doctor and he would come in and talk to me. She also asked that I stay undressed in case he wanted to do another exam. At that moment I knew things weren't good. After about 15-20 minutes the doctor came in and said he was concerned because the u/s showed my cervix was open. Cue internal freak out. I wanted to cry at that moment, but I kept my shit together. He did an internal exam and told me I was dialated to 1 cm and my cervix was open. He wanted to admit me to the hospital for steroids. I asked if it would close back up, and he said no at this point they hope to just keep it like is and for it not to open anymore. I truly didn't expect for this to happen today, not at all. I was admitted this morning around 9:30. Since then I had my first dose of steroids, penicillin, and Procardia to stop contractions. I have been told over and over that even if the girls come within the next few days, that things will be okay. The girls will be okay. As of now I don't have much information where we go from here. I know I will be here for two days at least. At that point they will determine if I need to stay longer or if I will be released. So much is up in the air and that is what scares me the most. I wonder when the girls will be born. Now or weeks from now? Will I go back to work? Will I know if released that I am in fact dialating more ( Since I had no idea this time). So many questions and so little answers. For now I am thankful that Lilah and Olivia are still inside where they belong and I  will take it day by day. Who knows, I could still make it to 37-38 weeks. Crazier things have happened :)

SPD

Has anyone else experienced this? I was hoping it would wait a while longer before hitting me. For the past few weeks I've had a lot of groin pain and it is much worse when I get up after sitting or laying down. Walking really hurts. Within the past few days it has really intensified. The doctor said I could take Tylenol for it, but I honestly think that Tylenol is a wasted medication. It doesn't even help when I have a headache.

For anyone that has went through this, I would love to hear some feed back on how to manage the pain. I know there is no other option than to push through the pain and keep going. It is just getting much harder these days.

Thanks for any suggestions.

Today I Am A Rockstar

Today I feel like a total rock star. Tomorrow, who knows. Yesterday was my post week visit with the dietician at the Diabetes Center to check on my sugar levels and see where to go from there. The visit didn't go as expected. I had lost weight and she told me that I was basically starving myself for the past week and my levels were still high with the small amount of carbs I was eating. Then she said that diet was not going to control my sugars and that I would most likely be put on insulin or glyburide, but my OB would need to decide on future treatment. I knew I was really hungry for the past week. I was also feeling very faint and lightheaded. It was because I wasn't eating enough for the three of us. I felt like a complete loser. Before I left her office she made me promise to tell my OB it wasn't her that starved me, LOL. Which brings me to today's visit:

I go in and the first thing done is weight. I had lost around 3lbs since my last visit four weeks ago. I know most people get excited to lose weight and I have even seen a few pregnant woman brag about losing weight, I am not one of those ladies. I was very upset because I know at this point it is so important to be gaining and giving the girls what they need to grow and be strong and healthy.  I explained to her about my GD diet and the weight loss. She said the dietician already called and emailed them to explain the situation. Dr. S wasn't real happy with the weight loss and gave me the okay to pig out again! He is putting me on Glyburide for right now and trying to skip the insulin. I will still need to test 4 times a day to keep an eye on blood sugars and we will just take it day by day. I was so happy to hear I might not need the insulin! Of course now with the GD I am seeing him every two weeks until 30 weeks and starting 30 weeks I see him and MFM every week for u/s until the girls are born. 

Okay rockstar moment::

He did the fundal height measurement (which I never ask what it is), well lately I have been told by everyone, friends, complete strangers, co-workers etc. on how "HUGE" I am.  It is a little irritating but I keep reminding myself I am cooking two babies and not one. Well I broke down and asked how many weeks I am measuring. His response was 

30 WEEKS!!!

Only two weeks ahead of how far I am and those measurements are made for singleton pregnancies. I felt like a total rock star! It made me feel like I am doing everything I am suppose to.  Sorry but I had to pat myself on my back for a moment.

We also spoke about my c-section. The last one I had 17 years ago my arms were strapped down to the table. He assured me that this time they would not be. It was such a relief to know that. I also asked if I can have my tubes tied while he is doing surgery. I know most people would scratch their head at this. I am being real. I am almost 40 having twins. Al and I could not be prepared to have another baby. I don't want to be one of the stories of natural pregnancy after infertility. I feel blessed with our girls and want this for us. So he agreed to do a tubal at that time. We also discussed what vaccinations people will need to be around the girls. I got my whooping cough today. He wants anyone in contact with the babies before they reach the age of 2 months to have one, along with their flu shot. I will be sending out emails to our families that I need to see proof of vaccines or no visits. I can't jeopardize the girls health and especially since they will be early. 

I go in Friday to see how much they have grown!! I love my MFM appointments :) 

LIke I said, today I feel like a rockstar, tomorrow, who knows? 

Here is my 28 week bump pic:

Also,  I haven't posted this in a while and want to make sure that the woman I know still TTC...... I think of you often and always try to keep up with how things are going with you. I will always continue to keep you in my thoughts daily and know the struggle. Please don't ever give up. On days you feel that it will never happen, do something for yourself, try reading some blogs of woman you find inspirational, but please don't give up.

 

4 week difference...

At our u/s the tech said both girls were head down and really low on my bladder. I think my stomach has dropped lower within the past few weeks. Thoughts?

First photo- 24 weeks
Second photo- 28 weeks

27 Week 4/D

We had our u/s done on Saturday and got about 46 images back. Here are a few of my favorites:

Baby "A"

 Baby "B"

 Baby "A" kissing her sisters head

They both have hair! Baby A much more than Baby B.

Its hard to believe they could be here in as little as 4 weeks (32weeks).

I am really struggling with my blood sugars. For the most part they are really low for someone with GD. I am getting 80's and 90 readings after meals. I also am hungry all the time. I think I am losing weight. My eating habits before weren't bad and the dietician did tell me that the with GD, you don't get it because of your eating, it is because of how your body handles the stress of pregnancy. I have to keep a daily food journal and I stress out on the numbers. I stress out on what I eat. I can't wait until this is over. Good news, I doubt there will be insulin in my future with these numbers. I have noticed within the last week that I am having horrible dizzy spells. To the point I can't get up and walk or focus on things. I was in bed all day yesterday. Not sure what is going on. At the highest my bp was only 140/80. I started bringing my bp machine along with sugar meter to work everyday so I can stay on top of things. Just keep reminding myself this is all worth it and will be over soon.  Also found out that I have to keep getting my weekly infusions until the girls are born. Oh well I have been on them since before pregnancy, what is another two months?

This week I have appointments with:
Tuesday-dietician
Wed.- OB
Fri- MFM ( Can't wait to see how big the girls are)! My guess is they will both be near 3lbs.

39th

Today I have so much to be grateful for. Never in my life did I think that I would be turning 39 and be pregnant with twins. Never. I have never felt so blessed in my life or on any of my other birthdays. This one will go down in the books for sure. I don't know what the future will hold for me or my family, but today is the best birthday in the past 39 years. I am married to the absolute best man on earth and definitely my soul mate and have managed to parent a teenager that is doing fantastic in school and holding down a job. She is a great kid!

Today I had my class for my GD. They gave me my meter and showed me how to work everything. My fasting sugar levels were 120 which is high. After discussing all my medications, the Dr. definitely believes that my steroids are causing a portion of my high levels, along with being pregnant with twins. We weighed and I only gained 1/2 pound since my OB appointment a few weeks ago. So my weight gain isn't out of control by any means. She did say that I will most likely be going on insulin next week when I come back in. Since the Metformin isn't working to keep my levels down. Also my diet is not far off from what they want me to start doing. I will test my levels 4 times a day and keep a food diary. We shall see what next week brings. I did celebrate my birthday with Chick-fila though. Not the best idea, but I did enjoy it :)

This & That

Today's post is a mixture of this and that....................

Tomorrow I go to my diabetes class and get my monitor. Al already went shopping over the weekend and now our house is filled with diabetic friendly foods and so is our weekly menu. I was thinking yesterday that I haven't really eaten badly throughout this pregnancy. Lots of fresh veggies and fruits, proteins and of course carbs. My doctor said that GD is really how your body reacts to the stress of pregnancy and that is why more twin moms develop it verses moms of singletons. That does make sense to me. My body is definitely experiencing a lot of stress.

I try to compare this pregnancy to my pregnancy with Cierra. There is nothing to compare at all. My pregnancy with her was very easy besides being sick for eight months. I remember when I was 32 weeks pregnant going on a cave tour that was two miles and I did it without any issues. Now I can't even walk to the bathroom without being out of breath. The pain has started to kick in and wow it hurts. It is mainly in my groin area and feels like a sharp stabbing pain and sometimes like electric current. It is definitely slowing me down from walking or doing household chores. Yesterday I tried to clean the house and it didn't work. I think I was able to fold one load of laundry and vacuum. Al gets so upset with me for trying to push through. Honestly though I feel if I don't try to push through the pain that I am going to end up more miserable. 

After a long talk I did decide to leave work at 33 weeks. I am not sure my body will be able to take it after that. I am 27 weeks on Wednesday, so that isn't far away. We will figure out the money situation later, but I have to put my girls and my health first and quit trying to be superwoman. I know it is the best decision, but still trying to come to terms with it. I had planned on working all the way to my c-section even though all the twin moms told me that was next to impossible. 

Here is something that just blows my mind. How many of you deal with people openly telling you how huge you are? I mean do people really have NO filters on their mouths? I had a co-worker tell me that I "startle" her every time I walk by her desk because I am so "huge". Really? Funny thing is, I still get around better than she does and I manage to work more than 15 hours a week. Guess I should point that out to her. But seriously, I have NEVER told any pregnant lady how big she is. It is just rude, rude, rude. There are many things you can say to one without insulting them.. Here are a few examples:

Wow you look really great in that outfit

Oh you are glowing.

You look happy and healthy

Get it? Maybe I need to write a book on how to deal with pregnant woman. I can promise you that most of us already know we are huge. Don't need confirmation on it.

Only 4 more days until I see the girls! Can wait to see what they look like in 4D. OH! and within the past few days I feel the girls all the time. Up until this point I felt them a few times a day, but now they are going all the time. I do love that feeling :)

It is official

I received a phone call from my OB yesterday. I have gestational diabetes. I managed to fail 2 out of 3 draws. Here is the funny part about it. If you remember my first 3 hour test, my levels on the 3 hour draw dropped to 32. I talked to my doctor about it and he said if it happened this time to let them know and they would draw my blood early than the 3 hour mark. Well it happened again, but there was a LONG line of people trying to sign in for labs and a few were cussing and angry at the wait, so I took things into my own hands. I sat down and ate about a third of my protein bar. I was fully prepared to explain to my doctor why my levels were high on the 3  hour draw. To my surprise that was the only hour my levels were normal. I really have to sit here and giggle about this. I have to go over to the diabetes center on Tuesday for a class (hopefully). I guess the class is only once a week so it might be to short of time for me to get in that class. If not, they are putting in a rx for my blood sugar machine so I can get some good readings before the class. Since I am already on Metformin there is a pretty good chance I will have to go on a low dose of insulin. At first I was a little bummed about all of this, but it soon went away. This is so manageable and truly not that big of an issue, besides not eating the foods that I like for a few months. And lets face it, there are woman out there that have MUCH worse so I am going to count my lucky stars on how easily this pregnancy has been for the most part. 

I also emailed Dr. Kims office this morning to see if we could go ahead and resume my current infusion schedule ( once a week at 15grams). This infusion only takes two hours verses if we go to a 30gram infusion, it will take four+ hours and since I have them done at work, this is just too time consuming. Hopefully they will keep things the same for me. She also said yesterday that I will switch over to Heparin at 30 weeks and discontinue my baby aspirin. It seems everything is falling into place for the arrival of these girls. I have estimated 8 - 10 weeks before their arrival. I have a gut feeling they will be here before 35 weeks. Which is right around the corner! At least nursery is done. We have a big more items we need to purchase, such as bottles, breast feeding pillows, first aid kit and thermometer. I have about 20 boxes of diapers so that should be a good start. We are still buying diapers every payday.

Next big appointment: August 23rd we have another 3D/4D u/s to see the girls! August 29th is MFM appointment for growth scan. Since they have been measuring big, I hope to see that continue :)

August 27th is 28 WEEKS!

Thirty Two

This is how many infusions I've had since the beginning of the year. Dr. Kim told me in the early stages of treatment that I would be having the infusions until 22 weeks or so. I am 26 weeks and just heard back from the clinic this morning. It was not the news I wanted to hear at all. They are increasing my dosage from 15grams to 30 grams. I will at least be able to start doing them every other week instead of every week. Out of the 32 infusions I've only had two reactions which is fantastic news. Am I being a total downer? So tired of needles. Most woman get to leave all this behind once they get pregnant. It seems my reality will be that I am having these infusions until the end of this pregnancy. My husband says it is my decision and I can stop whenever I want, but I am so afraid something will happen and I have come so far to jeopardize all the progress and the girls being safe and healthy. My MFM and OB both believe that I don't need them any longer and the most important thing that keep going with is the 80mg of Lovenox and baby aspirin.

Well enough of the complaining. Back to regular scheduled programming. Still waiting to hear back on my 3 hour glucose test.

26 Weeks!

I said hello to 26 weeks today. It still blows my mind every single week that I am pregnant. You would think after a while that I would accept this all. So very thankful. I know I say that all the time, but I truly am. Even thankful for the not so great pregnancy related stuff. I just love being here and I am so excited to meet Lilah and Olivia. I honestly don't think I will go past 34/35 weeks, but only time will tell. Next weekend we have booked another 3D/4D u/s to see the features on the girls. I am so excited. Mainly because I want to see if they have hair, LOL. I have so many cute headbands and hairbows in the nursery. During my shower last weekend we had a hairbow/headband making station and it was a total hit! I will take some pictures and post along with my shower pictures soon. 

As for my shower, it couldn't have turned out better. I had a big majority of people that couldn't attend, but still ended up with about 20 people. My sister and best friend did an amazing job. They had it catered and we had chicken Cesar sandwiches, ham on Hawaiian rolls, and a fabulous chocolate mousse. The cake was the best part though. Not only was it beautiful, but tasted so good! My BIL made the cutest carriage out of a watermelon and used sliced oranges at the wheels. He is so creative! Here are a few pictures from the shower. I had a friend take more pictures, but I am waiting on them to be sent to me.

As you can clearly tell, I am not a huge fan of pink.

I also finished the nursery last night.

I am so in love with the colors. It is such a happy bright room and I know the girls will just love it!

FInally here is my 26 week bump pic. Only one week left until the third trimester. Holy crap!

I also had my second 3 hour glucose test yesterday. Things are not looking great with my sugar and it is probably safe to assume I have GD. Although it doesn't really concern me because it is very manageable and I already have a c-section planned.

Well Saturday is my baby shower. At first I was totally set against having a baby shower. First of all I am not a very out going person and definitely hate being the center of attention. I have always avoided big crowds and social situations. I think that is why I love my groups and blogging so much. Well I've had a total change of heart. I know these two little girls are my last babies and so I have decided to take advantage of the generosity of my family and friends. My sister and best friend are throwing the shower for me. I am also excited to see old friends. Now if this week would just get over! 

It's been a rough week to say the least, but I am punching through.

Wednesday I ended up in L&D because the girls weren't moving much for several days. I also had lower back pains and pretty nasty bowel cramps. ON the way home Tuesday night I lost my vision for a few seconds and it scared me. They hooked me up to the monitors and girls were great. My cervix was very long and closed. No contractions. I felt stupid for even calling in, but the doctor told me to always call with any questions or concerns.

Yesterday was my weekly infusion and the donor plasma did not like my body, LOL. About three hours after infusion I started getting the chills, nausea, headache and bad diarrhea. It has lasted all night and so far still with me today. I know that every time I get an infusion there is a chance of reaction and so far I have been so lucky to only have two minor reactions. I won't lie though, I am tired of these infusions. I've been having them bi-weekly since January and weekly since March. I sent in more blood work to Dr. Kim yesterday and hopefully she will discontinue them within the next few weeks. 

Today I also had to get Cierra enrolled for her second year of vo-tech. All the ladies at the table of course asked when I was due, which led to how many babies were in there, followed by many questions and lots of awes etc. I don't mind talking to people about our struggles and being pregnant with twins, that is when I don't have horrible cramps with diarrhea and nausea. All I kept thinking was " Oh please don't let me shit myself in front of all these people" Thank goodness I didn't! So keep your fingers crossed that I am feeling better by Saturday.

Oh and a cute little story to make this post sound less whiny and dramatic. Around 12 weeks pregnant I had to stop wearing my wedding rings. I have noticed within the last few months that anywhere I go I can visibly see people staring at my ring finger. I am sure they have many nice thoughts LOL. Today I had to run Cierra by Kohls to get a few school supplies and I bought a $10 fake wedding ring. Here is a picture of the beautiful creation. I am now married again with a super cheap ass ring to prove it.

Pregancy after infertility

Yesterday in my pregnancy after infertility group, one of our members posted something that was so honest. 

" I know it's not a popular sentiment but I really hated pregnancy and I seriously feel like I have PTSD from it. I see my twin (who is 35 weeks pregnant) and get anxiety just by seeing her bump. I'm so grateful G is here and in my arms."

I know for a fact that so many woman who are pregnant after infertility or pregnant in general are judged very harshly for complaining about pregnancy in any form. Don't get me wrong, I also judge and mainly the woman who complain about everything and ALL the time.  I really loved that she was brave enough to admit that her pregnancy wasn't great and she wasn't in love with being pregnant. I know for me personally, my pregnancy hasn't been horrible, but it has been far from picture perfect also. The things I do love about being pregnant are feeling the girls moving and seeing my stomach move along with them. I love to sit at work and rub my belly as it grows. I love watching my husband and how in love with our daughters he already is. These are things that I would never trade for anything. There is also things that I absolutely hate. I am constantly gasping for breath when walking and don't remember what it is like to have full lungs to take a nice deep breath. The bleeding for 10 weeks and passing clots. It scared the shit out of me and I worried everyday that my pregnancy is going to end. The nightmares. I have nightmares all the time that the girls are dead. I hate that I am high risk and have to take 15 pills a day, plus injections and infusions to keep these little ladies healthy and growing. That is the truth. I will be judged from many people, but I won't sit here and just write what others want to hear. Would I go through this all in a heartbeat again? Yes I would.

My wish is that every single woman trying to have a baby would be able to get pregnant and experience this. I think about all the woman I know that are still trying, daily. I know the struggles first hand. All I can do is keep hoping everyday that treatment works and every single one of them gets their blessing. Also know that when it does happen, there are struggles on the other side also, just in a different sense.

Special Day!

I know that almost all of you follow these two blogs I am getting ready to mention, but I am so beyond excited for them. I wanted to share how special these two woman both are and how hard they have both tried for a pregnancy. Throughout the years I have followed them both through heartbreak after heartbreak and yet they both kept moving forward. This just shows their truth strength. IF you don't follow, please stop by and congratulate them.

SO VERY HAPPY FOR YOU BOTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.dreamingofdimples.com/2014/07/we-are-finally-having-baby.html

http://infertilesmurf.blogspot.com/2014/07/one.html

Both of you woman are so amazing and not much brings me to tears, but this did. Here is to a beautiful 8 months!