IVIG Treatments

As you know I have been searching high and low, under every rock in Oklahoma to find a place that would administer IVIG. Every corner I turned it was a total dead end and everyone refused to do the treatment because an out of state doctor was referring the order. Well a few weeks ago a fellow blogger and someone who is also going through immune issues suggested I contact a Coram Center and see if they would administer. She also had an out of state order and was able to get it done through them. I quickly googled Coram Infusion Center and nothing showed up in Oklahoma ( another dead end). I pretty well moved on. Well Friday on my facebook a Coram Center popped up on the right hand side along with all the advertisements and I clicked on it. Low and behold there is a Coram Center in Oklahoma! It was to late Friday to call so I waited until this morning. The first gentlemen that answered the phone told me no that they will not do it with an out of state referral, but he would transfer me to administration just to make sure. After talking to Susan for about 15 minutes, it looks like getting IVIG in Oklahoma might be an option. They  have a LONG list of needs before they will put everything together, but it is a real shot at finally having this done. She said it would take weeks to get everything in place with insurance etc. That is fine because I am in middle of cycle right now and will have to take next month off. So everything ( fingers crossed) should be in place for a end of January infusion? I am going to try not to get very excited, but definitely going to stay hopeful that we won't need to go to Chicago to have one treatment done next year. If I am able to get it done here in Oklahoma there is only a $30 co-pay ( according to my insurance company) and I will be able to get all the infusions!

Fingers crossed...........................

I don't want to finish this journey and ever question that we didn't do everything possible. Now it is a very real possibility that question won't ever cross my mind :)

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Change of plans

I might have did leave things very dramatic the other day. Later in the afternoon my clinic called with my E2 results and even though I had 7+ mature follicles ( what I saw) and according to the clinic 10+ mature follicles, my E2 levels had dropped to 753. 

 

They still insisted that we not go forward with TI and actually recommended that I start aygestin ( to stop ovulation and reset cycle). I was up in the air all day on what decision was the best one for us and depending on what the E2 levels looked like would make the ultimate decision. I told the clinic what with my levels being that low there was no way that all the follicles were still growing, but instead dropping off or dying. So my husband and I made the decision to move forward. I did a Ovidrel trigger shot on Tuesday evening and ovulated yesterday. I know in my heart that we made the right decision and with the fact my last dose of Follistim was the Friday before, I am very confident that we only had a few (maybe 3 or 4) follicles that contained an egg. I will be out next cycle regardless because of all the left over cysts I will have from this cycle. Hoping this month works because the next month we can try is in February and that is the month we got pregnant and lost circle. I try not to hold onto things that I have no control of as far as my losses, but I would prefer to not go through that experience on the same month as last year. 

Guess we will see what the next two weeks brings?

Taking a break

The past four years have finally caught up with me. Today will be my last post for a while as I am taking a break from this space. I have worked on being positive and seeing the best in everything and I now realize that I was just being blinded to the facts of the situation. 

CD9 U/S went horrible. Not only can we not do iui, we can't do TI and they won't give me a discount on ivf because I was over stimulated by my doctor. Here is what four days of 150 IU did to me:

At the very least I have 11 mature follicles as of today. I asked about the possibility of switching to an ivf cycle and was told they really prefer we start off with an ivf cycle and not switch last minute, but the would probably do it if it meant I wouldn't go home and have timed intercourse. The cost would be full price though. Is it just me being over emotional or do you feel like I should get a bit of a discount through my clinic? I have been with them over four years with multiple ivfs and iuis, not counting the TI cycles I have been through? He did put me on way to much meds and if he would have looked through my chart, he would have seen that? Do doctors make mistakes? Of course they do and it could be very possible I am just looking to blame someone for my anger. Regardless what if we had timed intercourse it would be totally irresponsible and it would be a decision based on emotion verses the facts. Neverless it fucking sucks! I am SO sick and tired of being told " I am sorry" from everyone and especially the doctors. I wish instead of staying sorry they would just fix the problem at hand.

Last Christmas we got pregnant and it was a loss a few days later.

Risk taker?

I am not sure about others, but I have always lived my life taking risks. Not sure if it is just part of my personality or I just don't want to look back on something in my life and regret not doing it. I really don't know the reason, but I have never been " lets play it safe" on anything that has come my direction.

With that being said, I had my Cd9 u/s this morning.

Even stopping the FSH two days ago my ovaries are still fighting full speed ahead. As of this morning I have (5) follicles that will be ready to trigger on Tuesday and (5) that are a half of second behind them. My RE suggested that we call this cycle to play it safe. She also gave me the option of waiting until Tuesday and going in for one last u/s in a last ditch effort hoping a few of the follies will stop growing. After the u/s we spent a while talking about the options and the recommendations of the clinic. I have had (6) mature follicles along with iui in past and no pregnancy. I've also had (6) miscarriages. So this makes the decision at hand a very hard one that Al and I won't take lightly. Dr. C said if we had never been pregnant in the last four years of treatment with them, they wouldn't be as hesitant and may consider going forward, but because I do get pregnant she doesn't think we should keep going. My argument is, according to my clinic I have bad egg quality so I do need a lot more verses the woman who doesn't have egg issues and hope that there is one good one in the bunch. In four years of treatment, which includes ALOT of treatment, Al and I still aren't pregnant.  I do understand the risk of multiples and not just twin multiples, more like quad multiples and I won't lie, that is something I don't want. I also know that there is a good chance that only one or two would take. And I also know that there is chance none will take.

It is a gamble and now I have to decide how high risk I am willing to go. I do know that at this point Al and I are NOT ready to take a chance if ten+ follicles are mature Tuesday. I am hoping we have 8 or less. 

I know this decision opens up a lot of disagreement and judgement so if you don't have anything supportive and helpful to say, your comment will not be posted. I have to much on my plate right now to deal with those people. 

Any of you ever been in this situation? I would love to hear some feedback.

Until Tuesday..... Lots to think about.

CD7 Update :(

I went in for my cd 7 u/s this morning and there were 3 follicles on my right ovary and 8 on my left.
Three follies on right 14, 12, 11 and eight on left five at 11 and three at 11 1/2. My lining was at 9. I got a call from the doctor and knew that there wasn't good news. My E2 levels are 727. They completely over stimulated me on this cycle. She wants me to stop the folllistim tonight and tomorrow, then come back on Sunday morning. They are hoping all the small ones on left will quit growing and we can pull on the few on my right ovary. She also warned me that there is a big possibility that won't happen and this cycle was a bust.

Instead of sitting here getting all pissed and depressed that another cycle is shot, I am going to mark it up as a learning experience for all of us. I guess I can also sit here and be certain that I will not be the next Octomom.

I will update on Sunday.

Baby dreams

Within the past few months I've had multiple baby dreams. In all of my dreams the baby or babies are always  a girl and she looks the same. A beautiful little baby with dark curly hair and these beautiful sparkling blue eyes and she is mine. Like I said in some dreams there are twins and others there is only one baby. Now I really love to go to sleep and see what I will dream about. Sometimes I am in labor and others I am feeding this little angel. She is always happy and smiling at me. I can only think this is a sign of good things to come our way. In the past all my baby dreams have ended with me losing the baby or for some reason giving birth to a half horse half baby ( yeah still trying to figure that one out). Lately is has been nothing but this very inspirational and uplifting feeling while I sleep and I look forward to more dreams like this to come. It makes me wake up the next morning smiling ear to ear.

Hoping for my future baby girl.................................

I had to put in the picture of half horse/half baby :)

Misery

“Oftentimes. when people are miserable, they will want to make other people miserable, too. But it never helps.”
― Lemony Snicket, 

Do miserable people realize how truly miserable they are?
How well do we truly know ourselves?

 For most of my life I chose to be around this type of person and it changed me into a miserable person. Once I let go, a new me started to grow and now I am definitely the person I always wanted to be.

New month, new cycle and plan.

Today was my CD3 appointment with Dr. H. After talking we have decided to stim with only Follistim on this cycle. I need to pull out more than the few follicles I have for the past few months. I thought about this a lot because the cost of Follistim is completely outrageous and all out of pocket. I have been trying to hoard the little that I had left, but decided to go all the way this month. Hoping with all I have that I can at least get 5 follicles and 6 would be even better. Waiting on a call back because I had a few smaller cysts but nothing to be worried about. Should start shooting myself up tonight! Today was also my crazy blood run for Dr. Kims office. To my surprise the whole process took about an hour and that was for both locations, plus sending off to Chicago! Maybe this is a sign of great things to come this month. 

Feeling hopeful :) 

UPDATE: Start 150 IU of Follistim tonight .

 I also wanted to share my early Christmas present from my amazing husband.. Look at this beautiful China I found a few weeks ago and he went yesterday and bought it for me :)

Dreaded December