There were some changes and final decisions made this weekend. Al and I both decided that we are ready to move on sooner verses later. Our original plan was to keep doing treatment until the end of this year. We are both tired. Very tired. Doing as many treatment cycles as we have tends to really weigh on you. I went through my medications on Friday and I have enough left for about six cycles. We are going to use the rest of the medications and then completely stop all types of treatments. No more RE, no more specialist, no more blood thinners, steroids, vitamins, aspirin, stimulation medications, progesterone, ovulation strips, pregnancy tests, temps ( I think you get the point). I think in my heart I knew that all the changes from our RI wasn't going to make a difference, but I wanted to believe it would because it has happened for so many other people that I know with similar conditions. I think it is so hard to remember that "I" am not everyone else, but just me with my own specific problems and treatment that worked for everyone else is not me. I definitely don't regret any of the treatment we decided to try. If you remember, I said at the beginning of this journey that we wanted to try everything possible to have a baby and I know we did. Hands down and no lingering "what ifs".
I am excited for our future right now. I went yesterday and did something totally split second. I cut off all my hair. I wanted a change from the person I have been for the past four years. I want to start etching out the new path I will be taking in the next few months. It feels good. It feels right. I am so blessed to have a husband that is content living child free at this point. He did want kids and will always probably miss the fact he didn't have kids, but he is happy with his life. He is happy with me and we have so many new memories to make together. Cierra will be graduating high school next year and off to start her own life. I have so many places I want to see. As a child I always wanted to travel and see so many parts of the world and now it is has become something we can do.
So without further waiting, here is my new hair so start a new chapter......
love your hair girl! It looks good on you fo'sho!
ReplyDeletebeautiful! I like the haircut! your eyes are stunning!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful!!!!
ReplyDeleteYou look great! I totally understand this. I literally did this a few weeks ago when I dyed my hair red. I just needed a total change. I've always wanted to chop my hair off like this, but I don't have a feminine face like you do to pull it off. I look like a 12 year old boy with a bowl cut. Rock that hair for the rest of us who can't!
ReplyDeleteLove it! And thinking of you as you prepare for this new chapter
ReplyDeleteLove, Love, LOVE your hair! You look amazing Toni!
ReplyDeleteLove!!!! You have the perfect face for that cut!! Omg! I know how hard this has been for you... Well I say I know but I really don't... You are a tremendously brave person and you are bound to great things I. An hope and wish we can continue to be friends and I really cannot wait to see what this new future had in store for you! I wish you only happiness and safe awesome travels ( I think you need to visit Maine!) and I have so enjoyed your blog... And will continue too!! Xoxox
ReplyDelete6 more cycles. Okay, 6 more cycles. I think it's great that you and Al both have come to that place that you are ready to move on and be okay with it. I'm going to hope for that miracle for you though, to happen in the next 6 months.
ReplyDeleteYour hair looks great!