It is hard to believe that Lilah and Olivia are 7 weeks old. It is harder to believe that Lilah is still in the NICU. As hard as life is right now, we have a solid schedule and that makes things easier. We were told yesterday that Lilah is growing out of the "preemie" phase and is really wanting interaction and to be held. I won't lie, hearing that broke my heart into a million pieces. I spend hours with her each day, as done Al. We hold her and talk to her. I kiss her head and tell her stories, but she is needing so much more right now and it is impossible to give it to her while she is in the NICU and we still have Olivia at home. I am thankful that my little girl won't remember these early days. I am thankful that we can make so many memories with her when she comes home. As of today she is weighing 4lbs 5oz. She is only taking about 3% of her feedings through a bottle. This is what will keep her in the NICU longer. I spoke with the one of her doctors last night and they think if she continues to gain weight and keep the fluid off her lungs that she is definitely on the track for coming home. Then her heart surgery will still be planned for 2-3 months. Of course the biggest question is when? No one knows. I just want her to know that she is so loved.
Now Lilah has a room mate and it is absolutely heart breaking! The little girl is 4 months old and has been in the NICU since birth. She has went through 3 surgeries and is on a vent. still. She opens her eyes and turns red daily. Her monitors are constantly going off and the nurses are always over there trying to help make her more comfortable. As heart breaking as this is, she doesn't have any family that cares about her. The nurses buy her clothes and toys to keep at her bedside. They talk to her and stroke her hair. It kills me! I want to go over and touch her, but she never formed an attachment and doesn't like anyone to touch her or show her affection of any kind. Plus HIPPA doesn't allow to me to have interaction with her. I just wonder if her parents feel bad? Do they feel guilt? Do they wish things were different? At these moments I realize that even though I have a sick daughter, she is so lucky and I am so lucky. She will always have our love and protection.
Here is a picture from yesterday. I decorated her "apartment" so she could get some stimulation.
Oh my gosh that story just totally breaks my heart!! Your little girls are for sure so blessed and loved.
ReplyDeleteThere were some babies in the NICU when we were there that had the same situation. I felt terrible for them and wished I could interact too.. You guys are gonna all be home together soon!!!
ReplyDeleteWow, that just amazes me how a mother can give birth and just abandon her baby like that. That little girl deserves better. I'm so glad Lilah and Olivia are so blessed to have amazing parents like you guys. XO
ReplyDeleteThat story just shredded me :( that poor little one. Makes me thankful for the love you have for your girls. They are just sooo cute. My hubs and I ooo and ahhh over them every night :)
ReplyDeleteYour girls are so lucky to have you both!
ReplyDeleteThat's just devastating. I can think of at least half a dozen bloggers right this second that would be better parents to that poor baby. But so glad that things are progressing well for your girls!
ReplyDeleteNow I'm in tears. Ever ounce of my being wants to go in and scoop up that little girl. To let her know there is love in the world. I remember hearing a program where volunteers would come in specifically to hold babies who's parents weren't there (either because they couldn't be due to distance or won't be). I do hope something like this exists so this little one can get some much deserve affection.
ReplyDeleteYou are doing amazing. I know it tears at you that Lilah is interacting more and you're not able to always be there. But I know that she knows she's loved. And I will continue to send grow vibes to your whole family. May everyone be home soon.
You and Al are amazing parents!!! We had the same situation with a premie in the NICU when Oliver was there. Only the dad would come in and hold his daughter and spend time with her. I only saw the mom once who came in for meeting with the head of the NICU. It was so sad to watch. She ended up storming out the day of the meeting. My husband and I watched it all happen, because that was the day we were taking home Oliver. I felt tramendest guilt. She couldn't handle it. She was obviously very very hormonal, and couldn't handle it. Your girls are so lucky to have you both!!!
ReplyDeleteThe story of the baby without family visiting, is the story of many, many children in foster care, needing permanent families. Makes it a little more real to all of the couples having trouble with fertility who say, "what?, just adopt?, its so not easy, its not for us, etc." When you are aware of the actual children in these situations, it makes it a little bit harder to make those sort of excuses.
ReplyDeleteAll the babies who have loving and caring parents are so lucky! Eversince I have become a mum, my heart breaks when even thinking of all the abandoned babies. They need love and there's no one to give thst to them:(((. Poor little beings. ...
ReplyDeleteWhat you're going through would be so hard for any mother! You're doing the best you can for Olivia. You're a great mother! My thoughts are with you.
ReplyDeleteI LOVE that Al is so involved and is staying home with Olivia by himself. That makes my heart so happy for your little family. Makes it all the more heartbreaking for that other little girl. I simply don't understand how parents can walk away from their children like that.
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