Today is CD1. I called the clinic yesterday to get a prescription for Femara. My idea was to start it on CD3 and on my follow up consult with Dr. Kim, ask her whether we could actively try this month. Therefore I would feel completely prepared in case she said yes. On the way home last night I told me husband of what I thought was a completely brilliant idea that no one understood but me. I could totally tell in his face that he didn't think my idea was in fact that brilliant at all. He said he didn't want us to mess up anything and be put in the waiting stage even longer. The first thing I wanted to do was be defensive and try to prove that I knew better and was right. The thing is, I don't know better and I'm not right. I am just tired of this waiting game. Al is tired of waiting. We are so close now and I can't let my emotions over take common sense. The prescription is already called into the pharmacy. I will pick it up today and put it in the medicine cabinet until next month. I did come into work today and email Dr. Kim. I let her know that today is my CD1 and our follow up with her will be on CD8. I asked if we could actively try this month or if I needed to sit out again for another month. In my heart I know the answer already. I know that it is her job to give me the very best care with her knowledge and in the end it will pay off. So I am waiting for a response and I guess as of today I can start counting down to a new cycle with Femara/Follistim and IUI..... T minus around 28 days and counting!!

We are taking a much needed camping trip this weekend. It has been planned for a few months now. Unfortunately I found out on Sunday that my ex MIL only has a few days to live. She was diagnosed with colon cancer 3 months ago. She went through surgery to remove the cancer, but they found out it spread into her liver and other major organs. Sunday I took Cierra to the hospital and said my good-bye to her. Cierra wants to be with her grandmother until she passes, so tonight I am meeting her dad and she will be with them until early next week.  I have mixed feelings about all of this and feel guilty that we are going camping this weekend while she is with her dad waiting on her grandmother to pass. It is a very hard situation and I told Cierra if she needs me, I will be there in a flat second. I think they want to share this within her dad's family and use this time to reconnect with each other. So I am stepping back and seeing what happens. She packed some fingernail polish last night so she could paint her grandmothers finger nails. The one thing that does help me feel better, one of the family members of her grandmothers husband is a Army Chaplin and he has promised me that he will talk to Cierra extensively and help her while she is there.  Why do I feel like a bad mother? 

Better get to work and finish packing boxes for our move.