I remember for the last few years following many woman on here that graduated from trying to conceive to pregnant after infertility. The most common post I read was how they felt guilty being pregnant and leaving others behind. My first comment always was " you should not feel guilty for being pregnant. All of us have struggled so much and we all deserve to have this. Sit back and be grateful and enjoy". Wow I never thought I would be eating those words. Sitting on the other side of the fence it was so easy for me to tell woman that and mean it. Now that I am here and seeing others that have struggled so hard to get pregnant and lose a pregnancy or still be in the trenches month after month.... well it breaks my heart. It also makes me look back at the past 8 weeks and wonder if I am coming off whiny because of the pregnancy issues I am having. I know most woman would love to be in my situation right now. I can promise you that I am grateful to be at this point. I have said from day one that I will be grateful for the time I was given with these babies, whether it was one week or for 18 + years. As scary as it has been, I have also never felt so blessed in my life. All the years of treatment, surgeries, losses, everything, it was worth it. For no matter how long I have with them, it was worth and I will never ever take that for granted. Ever.
For those of you still struggling and those of you who recently lost your pregnancy, I won't tell you that things will be better, because that seems very unfair of me right now. I will tell you that in the end I hope you believe your struggle was worth all the tears, the pain, the anger, and the time you fought so hard for.
I remember having the same feelings, and I wasn't dealing with the anxiety of bleeding episodes. T, you have nothing to feel guilty over. In no way has you achieving this pregnancy impacted another person's ability to conceive. In addition, I can't think of a single person who would want the continual anxiety from a SCH. It's so stressful and you are handling it the best you can. So no guilt and no apologies. Because even with the stress, you are handling all of this with grace. And you deserve to celebrate the Hoppers.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you and continuing to pray that the bleeding stops soon.
AHHH yes. I think the fact that you are having these feelings is what makes you a good person! You care. A LOT! But this is your time. Your time to be pregnant and if you are happy - write about it. If you are sad - write about it. If you are scared - write about it. Because I think people read our blogs to feel not alone and relate to someone else. And there will be someone someday (if not already) who is pregnant after 6 miscarriages, is bleeding and equally excited and scared. And your blog is going to give that person hope that everything will be ok in the end. Because I truely believe in my heart if hearts that THIS, Tonisha, is your time. Xoxoxo
ReplyDeleteFrom the trenches, I thank you. But you have no reason to feel guilt, none at all. Enjoy this. We all want you to.
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ReplyDeleteI never felt guilty. It took me 4 years to be where I am now (almost 26 weeks thank God).It only made me understand things better, in some aspects life in general because you learn more about certain people. At this point, I try to be more supportive toward those who are still struggling.
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