I was reading a blog yesterday and I knew I shouldn't have just because I know what a miserable person she is, but of course temptation won over. I am not pregnant, but was deeply offended by this blog. She was basically stating all the "annoying" things that pregnant woman do. Herself being newly pregnant and of course complaining about it from day one, so you can imagine my surprise that the pot was calling the kettle black for the most part. Okay done with the petty crap. In this blog she went on to say how pregnant woman shouldn't brag about being pregnant, that they shouldn't think they are the only ones in the world pregnant, they shouldn't talk about things happening to their body through pregnancy, they shouldn't post u/s pictures or bump pics. In fact she was basically suggesting that woman who are pregnant after infertility should not have feelings and or celebrate. I know that so many of us are in a tough spot going through this, but when you become pregnant, wouldn't you want to celebrate? After all the hardships, tears, anger, hurt, wouldn't you want to post u/s pictures of you miracle? Want to take bump pics of your stomach growing? Share your experience just as you did when you were suffering through infertility?
Seriously I may lose followers over this and that is okay. As a pregnant woman who has went through infertility, you should not be robbed of your pregnancy because some bitter woman might not want to see or hear about it. YOU HAVE EARNED THE RIGHT!
As for this miserable woman who posted that very hurtful and mean spirited blog post. I hope that the day you see your baby born, it will turn your heart from a cold rock and you can be able to feel some sort of happiness in your life. I seriously pitty you.
OFF MY SOAP BOX for the day.
I have never understand why people are afraid to celebrate being pregnant because of other infertiles. You don't have to throw it in someone's face, but I would never want to look back and regret not being happy for what is such a small amount of time.
ReplyDeleteThank you for posting this. I read the post you are talking about and I couldn't figure out how someone can be so hateful and negative. I am 38 years old and pregnant after fighting infertility.. I am sensitive to others for sure but I am not going to deny myself the joy and excitement that I feel for these babies.
ReplyDeleteIt was unbelievable to me that she posted that.. And then on top of it asked other people to chime in?!
I get the basic reasoning behind not wanting to celebrate too loudly while others you've gone close to are still struggling. To me, becoming pregnant has felt a tiny bit like I just escaped being captured by an enemy in war, and my best comrade is being held captive and tortured. I don't want to send her letters saying how great it is to be safely at home with giant !!! ya know? But at the same time, I'm going to celebrate a little too. I think there's a way to handle announcements with some tact and not go totally overboard so you can celebrate and also be compassionate to others' feelings. I really love that you are sticking up for the preggos, even while you're not. That just says A LOT about your character and what an amazing woman you are!
ReplyDeleteI have to say, I have never understood this. However I feel when reading about or seeing someone's pregnancy, those are MY emotions. Stemmed from MY infertility. I can't expect them to know or understand what I'm feeling, and therefore how can I expect them to be able to predict what might hurt or offend me? I take it all with a grain of salt. On my hardest days, I just lay low and avoid the places I know these will be. But I have to say, even in my worst moments, I would never begrudge a woman her right to celebrate and share her pregnancy..it's an exciting and wonderful time and I generally share in the excitement of this new phase in their lives! If I do find it's too much for me, I would stop looking or listening or talking until I feel more up to it. There's nothing wrong with celebrating your pregnancy, but there's also nothing wrong with stepping back because you're going through something darker than that and need some time to gather your thoughts and emotions. I think more Kindness is needed. It's hard to be Infertile, and sometimes it's hard to be pregnant, and I think most of the time it's hard to be infertile and pregnant - and if we all just showed a bit of compassion and kindness it might not be so hard after all.
ReplyDeleteI totally hear you. Everyone should celebrate our bodies, and how they are nurturing a baby!!!! It's so beautiful!!!. It sounds like she is very very afraid of embracing her baby. Wow this breaks my heart so much:((.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't have any friends online if I followed this person's "advice." I was apprehensive at first (on my blog mostly) but then I realized I fought and I fought hard for this pregnancy, so I was going to document every little thing I felt like. Everyone has a choice to read or not and that doesn't make a bad friend if they don't. When they're ready, they'll come back and catch up. I lived that for a loooong time.
ReplyDeleteI agree 100%. I didn't see the post you are talking about but I think after everything we go through to get pregnant we should be able to embrace and celebrate it. I write my blog mainly for myself so I wanted to document everything exactly as it was. We all deserve that right.
ReplyDeleteI completely agree! Thank you for writing this :)
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you wrote this. I read the post and was saddened that she felt that way. She has the right to feel that way, but I don't think she needs to write a post to tell *other* people how to handle their pregnancies after infertility.
ReplyDeleteI know which post you are referring to and was a bit disturbed when I read it. It also angers me, especially when I read the comments, because I find that it makes us infertile appear bitter and resentful towards those who succeed in getting pregnant, when it's not the case at all. Kicking infertility's butt is a reason to rejoice and if a woman wants to celebrate by posting bump pictures and regular update, it's her choice. It's a personal journey and we can share it any way we want to. Readers are free to follow or not.
ReplyDeleteSo agree!! The women battling with infertility who get to that place should celebrate it as much and as often as they want to. No one forces anyone to read their blog or have them as a friend on facebook if they can't handle it.
DeleteI completely agree! Celebrate away! Shout it from the roof tops, scream it out in the middle of the streets! I know for certain when my someday happens, I will be sure to tell all I know and give God the glory for my miracle! Pregnancies should always be celebrated!
ReplyDeleteHave I told you this?? I really appreciate your perspective. It's one thing to be sensitive, careful, and compassionate...to consider your words before you say or type them. But it is a whole different thing to restrict oneself from embracing joy in their own life under what I would guess is the guise of "consideration" for others. Sad for her, but proud of you for posting this. When I turned to blogs for support in my journey, some of the most helpful blogs I stumbled across were the ones where I could read someone's whole journey...through the misery and the yuck of infertility to the hope on the other side...via pregnancy, adoption, whatever. I was never offended when people rejoiced, because to me it was reassurance that someday I could feel so much better. Wishing you the best!
ReplyDeleteI know the post you're talking about and had mixed feelings about it too. On one hand, I think the message about being mindful about one's pregnancy around those still in the trenches is always good. But the whole tone and execution have me pause. Mainly because of the underlying bitterness that was so evident.
ReplyDeleteThe truth is shitheads are able to achieve pregnancy as well as wonderful people. Hence it's no surprise that they act the way they do. The question becomes, why surround yourself with those people? I know plenty of wonderful people who were pregnant while I was in the trenches and though at times it was hard, i was genuinely happy for them because they were just awesome. Similarly, there were those who I knew I had to distance myself from more as I already had a hard enough time with them. Pregnancy was just another phase for each of them, not an attitude changer.
Your point about being able to celebrate is an important one. I struggled with this mainly because I was so worried about losing the Beats and because of my own issues with being worthy, but the times that I did allow myself to celebrate have me the strength to face what lay ahead and has reminded me of why we went through all the craziness of treatment.
Thank you, as always, for this wisdom. After all, if you can celebrate these milestones and/or allow others to too, what in the world are you living for? And why are you bringing children into that environment?
I know what blog you speak of and I chose to unfollow. There is a lot of negativity that I just don't care to be a part of anymore.
ReplyDeleteI had no idea the blogger you were referring to, but curiosity killed the cat.... It didn't take much for me to guess who it was and I was right. Found the post. I really don't understand her perspective. I'm sure there are some pregnant women that are annoying, but I would guess that they were probably annoying before. But to baldly say we shouldn't talk about our pregnancies, share u/s pics, etc - well, I would think she would be proud of her own baby and want to share pics. And to ask a pregnant woman to not talk about what's going with the pregnancy is ridiculous. I found that while I was pregnant, that was almost the only thing that anybody else WANTED to talk about, even when I didn't! I'm sitting here shaking my head bc she also stated that we shouldn't blog so much about our pregnancy. I'm sorry, but I LOVE when an infertility blog transitions to a pregnancy blog and then parenting. Yes, I enjoy reading about other aspects of their lives as well. But after following someone's struggle and cheering them on through infertility, I don't want the story to end when they get pregnant! I want to know how it goes! I want to see those babies! Besides that, reading through other's pregnancy stories, really helped me through my pregnancy, just like reading about someone else's IVF. It helped to know you weren't alone and to learn what to expect. All these blogs I read...I consider all these bloggers my friends! Tell me what's going on in your life!
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