RR

Most of you will look at the RR and think maybe rest & relaxation? Nope. Road Rage. I won't lie I have been known to have some serious road rage issues. I know how stupid this sounds, but I hate that asshole drivers can drive like that and there is no consequences. I see it daily. Cutting through traffic at a 100mph on 5 o'clock traffic, cutting people off, riding your ass etc.. Well my biggest driving peeve is:

The drivers who stay in the left fucking closing lane until the very end. Even though the other two lanes are almost at a stop. They ride it out to the very end and then literally push their way in, well ........ not while I am driving. I have amazing insurance and almost a perfect driving record. Yesterday this happened to me and the guy was out of lane and literally two inches away from my car trying to push in and I was not allowing this to happen. You might ask why I just didn't let him in and go on driving? Because at that very moment he met a person that will not take his asshole driving and let it pass. I didn't scream or flip him off, in fact I didn't even look over at him, but I was NOT moving my ass out of the lane I had been backed up in for fifteen minutes.

Is this considered road rage? Honestly are any of you that person? Or do you get so tired of those people on the roads all the time? I always told Al I wanted a huge monster truck with a fog horn and I guarantee those people would think about how they were driving when I was done with them. I could be some kind of traffic superhero. Saving all our law abiding good driving citizens from these ass wipes. I would even wear a cape and all. I think it would be pretty cool. My full time job would be driving up and down the interstates just waiting.Since that isn't a reality that would pay my bills then I will keep doing the little bit I can. 

Hope everyone has a great day and if you work in a big city, I know, you know what I am talking about!

You all know this guy right here! Haha I stopped you in your tracks yesterday. You can eat my Lincoln butt Mr. Asshole driver :)

Before I forget: I have a fun quilt that I will be starting within the next week. Can't wait to share the details with you .

Scary Dentist &Stuff

Answer me this, how is it that I am not scared by fertility treatments, but the dentist scares the living shit out of me?

I had to go in yesterday for a deep scale cleaning. They numbed my whole mouth which gives me anxiety. I hate not having control of things. I must say that my teeth look really awesome today. My dentist said if I come every three months that it will always just be maintenance and no numbing again. I think I am at the point in my life to start up keep. All these years I only go when I need a tooth pulled or cavity filled. Amazingly I have only had two teeth pulled besides my wisdom teeth. That may seem like a lot to most people, but I have only been to a dentist about 8 times my whole life and I am 37. The dentist was actually pretty impressed on how good of condition my teeth were. No cavities either. So today even though my mouth is sore, my teeth are sparkling white and no more tea stains.

Don't get me wrong though. I am still scared shitless of the dentist. I am not scared of needles or the shots, those don't bother me at all. It is the metal against my teeth, that freaks the hell out of me. Which makes me wonder if I went to the dentist like I did the RE, if I would get used to the treatments and it would be a walk in the park? Maybe I should ask if I can come in a few times a week for a few years, LOL. I know that I would have the best teeth ever and probably a special little "customer of the year" award.

In crafting news, I have one more baby boy blanket I need to quilt and finish. Think I will do that again this weekend. I have a set of twin blankets to do for a VERY special blogger friend. I am just waiting to see what they are going to be. I am hoping both girls because I need want to make more girl quilts, they are so cute! I seriously never knew how rewarding it is to do something for other people and not expect anything back in return. I won't lie, I have always considered myself a selfish person and haven't really done anything for other without expecting something in return. This was until I suffered through infertility and then I noticed there was so much more in life then ourselves and selfishness needed to be gone. Maybe I am still being selfish because it makes me feel so good to do this. 

Here is a quilt I am debating on doing. I am not really feeling it, but my husband seems to think it will turn out awesome when I am finished:

If I decide not to go forward with this pattern, I still have endless quilt projects lined up. One of my good friends told me that rule of thumb: If you are not feeling it, don't do it. You will have doubts all through the process and not like the finished product.

OH! Before I forget, I had my hair done this weekend and ALL the gray is gone!!!

I LOVE IT! Of course my stylist is pretty amazing also :) Even though she is always running late LOL. Yes Roxanne I am talking about you! Haha!
 

Just Me update

I have been posting a lot about my quilts and things going on in life. How am I doing? Amazingly, I am doing pretty good. I have my good moments and bad, but for the most part I am happier then I have been in a very long time. I never imagined giving up fertility treatments would make such a huge difference. Al and I are laughing, we are getting out of the house and going places. I am not stressing about cycle days, medications, waits at RE office, etc. etc.  Spring is getting ready to be here and I couldn't be more excited. Spring is my favorite season. I love to plant in my flower beds and spend countless hours outside in the yard. It will be hard for me to share time with my quilting and flower beds. I think the best thing is, we have time for anything we want to do now. I won't have to look at my calendar to see what reason I need to stay close to home blah blah. My depression is getting so much better daily. I love this. I love knowing that Al and I made the right decision for us and our family. 

Hope you like all the craft posts. I already had a few offers wanting to buy my quilts. Maybe down the road I will start making to sell. We don't really need the extra money, but it definitely wouldn't hurt either. Maybe I could put it in savings for an extra vacation or something.

Life is so amazing when you aren't looking through it with rose colored glasses.

 

Quilt #2

Well folks I just finished my quilt #2. This quilt is for my amazing hairdresser and very good friend Roxanne. She is now 20 weeks pregnant with a little boy, this after a miscarriage at 16 weeks last year, followed by a chemical pregnancy. She is an amazing lady and I am so excited about this quilt for her son. I have taken it upon myself to name him Oscar until she decides on his name.

May I introduce quilt #2 from start to finish:

 

Crafting Facebook Page

For those who are interested, I finally set up our crafting page on facebook. It will mainly consist of crocheting, knitting and quilting. There will also be other crafts on there such as home decor and maybe some fun cooking recipes. If you are interested just do a search for Threads of Friendship.

Thanks!

My first quilt!

Here are pictures from start to finish on my first quilt for my project " Quilting for pregnancy after infertility" This quilt is for my special friends little girl who will be born in May. I hope you guys enjoy!

Funny Infertiltiy Friday

I don't know how much longer I will be doing Funny Infertility Friday. I am quickly running out of pictures :)

We all know how TRUE this one is! Enjoy and have a great weekend. I will post pictures of my "hopefully" finished first quilt this weekend!!! I can't wait.

U/S Results

Even though the morning wasn't off to a good start do to being late because of horrible traffic, I had my favorite RE and nurse this morning. There are two RE's at the practice, mine is Dr. H and then there is Dr. C (and she is just amazing)! The good news is, most of the tissue has passed. There is some left and she said I will continue bleeding pretty heavily for the next week or so until it is gone. 

During the u/s she asked what I was up to this weekend. I explained to her about my project on the quilts and she almost started crying. Have I said how much I love this doctor? Nurse M then said she wants to learn how to quilt also and kept me in the room asking questions for a few minutes. Hopefully I can give her some pointers? I told her that I am completely self taught and have A LOT left to learn. I definitely wouldn't want to go to a quilt show with mine right now, LOL.

Anyway. I will have results of hcg levels later today.  A week in half ago it was around 23,900. Hoping for a bigger drop on today's levels.

A few of you have shown an interest in me starting a facebook quilters page. I am still trying to figure out what it would detail etc. If you have any suggestions, PLEASE feel free to let me know! 

UPDATED HCG LEVELS:

Today was 1418. I am in the home stretch!

Just Trucking Along

Well I stayed home today. I was up all night with some pretty rough cramps and heavy bleeding. Not sure if there is still some tissue left that is trying to pass or what. I have a ultrasound tomorrow morning at 7:45 so I will know for sure. 

I think the title sums up my life right now, "just trucking along". Last night I was lying in bed waiting on Al to finish up and shut the lights off. When he came to bed I asked him if we were doing the right thing by stopping treatments. I still feel like we are doing the right thing, but I also think regardless of our decision, there will always be a part of me to question it. I found an empty bottle of clomid with (3) refills left on it. I won't lie, it took me a good few minutes to throw it in the garbage. It seems there are reminders all over the house. I cleaned out my medicine cabinet and gave away a whole box of Wondfo hpts. I also found a trigger shot that was ordered in beginning of January for our next iui (which never came). I found a home for that also. Then in one of the drawers in my kitchen I found more Femara, along with a box of Endometrium. It seems like there are just constant reminders of infertility everywhere.

Within the past week I have been sewing like a mad woman. I won't lie, it is a great distraction from everything else going on. I have a feeling by the end of this year I will have a serious stock pile of finished and un-finished quilts. I have found some pretty amazing fabric lately and am so excited to be doing this project. I have a feeling this was my calling. Lets just hope that these quilts stay together and last for these babies! That is my biggest fear. I just want them to be perfect.

Here is a picture of the fabric that came in today. I am so excited about this quilt. Of course I have three others in the works right now. This one will have to be put on the back burner for a month or so.

This weekend I will be hopefully finishing my quilt for baby Ellie and starting the quilting for the second baby boy quilt. I also started this one last night for a great friend of mine who is having a little boy.

I went to Hancock Fabric and bought a solid orange and solid blue to do the trim around the edges and maybe use orange for backing.

Well that is all I have for today. I will update you on the ultrasound findings tomorrow when I hear something. Hoping that my hcg levels have dramatically falling also..

Oh before I forget, I am thinking about starting a beginners quilt/crafting facebook page. I am not sure how it will really work, but if you are interested in joining let me know.

The Calm

The calm after the storm. I have finally reached this magnificent place and it only took me over three years to do so. It is amazing here. 

The storm was this weekend. I went home Friday evening around 6 pm and took "the abortion" pill. There is no other way to describe that horrible pill. I have a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that some woman take this to end a healthy pregnancy. Well that is another time. Anyway I took the pill around six along with two pain pills and my zofran. Cramping started about 2 hours later and progressing got worse for the next ten hours. I honestly don't think there are words for me to describe the amount of pain I felt during that ten hour span, but I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I kept taking my pain medications every four hours on the dot. I don't think they worked. I won't go into the details of what was passed and what was not. Saturday I laid on the couch all day taking pain medications and Valium and probably slept about 16 hours that day. The cramping was still there, but not has horrible as it had been the night before. 

Sunday morning I woke up and something amazing happened. I felt like so much pain, stress, anxiety, sadness and worry had been lifted out of me. I woke up and had a cup of coffee, cleaned the whole house and started back on my quilting project. As you know this project has been very important to me. Throughout the past six months with all the losses, pregnancies and now miscarriage, my mind was somewhere else. I sat down at my machine yesterday, turned on some of my favorite music and started sewing. I finished the topper for my girl quilt and started the topper for my boy quilt. I quilted for at least 6 hours yesterday. I sang, I laughed, I had so much fun. The calm after the storm had finally hit me and I knew that from this day forward I would be okay.

At first when Al and I decided not to move forward with anymore treatments, I thought it might be a mistake. I packed up all the rest of my medications and gave them to a special girl. I thought that might be a mistake also. As of yesterday I know for 100% certainty it was not a mistake. It was what I was meant to do. I sit here right now smiling because I know that all the decisions made were the right ones. I am so happy we did choose to go through years of treatment, I am so happy we got pregnant. Now I am  so excited at the possibilities in front of me. Al and I both make pretty good money and now that Cierra is almost driving and graduated, we are planning trips. There are so many places I have always wanted to see and now we have the means to do it. Please don't get me wrong, I won't sit here and say for a minute that I would rather travel then have a child, because I wouldn't. Having a child is no longer an option for us, so I am really looking forward to the years to come in our life. I almost feel like I woke up out of a coma and feel like a new person.

My blog won't be filled with opk, hpts or fertility stuff anymore. I hope that each one of you will still choose to keep up with A&T's little life. I know that I will still be rooting for every single one of you gals with every ounce of my soul. So my blog may be taking a weird turn, but I hope you stick with us. I feel like I have made so many friends through this fight. I have met some amazing woman with such strength they didn't even know they had.