Damn Spam Mail

After reading a fellow bloggers post about  her comments going to spam, on the way home from work I checked my spam folder. I have never even looked in that stupid thing since I sent up my blog over two years ago. There they all were, like the toys on Rudolph that were left on the island of misfit toys, well actually the folder of unread comments.

I am sorry ladies! About 97% of the comments came from anonymous bloggers and there were ALOT. Just wanted to let you know that I didn't purposely not post your comments all these months and years (oops). I honestly wasn't smart enough to figure out there could be comments in my spam folder.

I did read all of you comments and promise (scouts honor) from this day forward to be a better blogger and check the stupid spam folder.

Thanks for the patience with me.

BTW Jules, I found all of your comments that were lost :)

Thinking of Adult Only Future

Al and I have talked so much about moving forward without a baby, yet something keeps tugging at us. Cierra my daughter will be graduating high school in a few years and starting her own life. I always thought I would look forward to the day that she was independent with her life., now I don't want her to go. I have asked her repeatedly to move to Colorado with us in a few years. She could attend college there and get a little apartment close to us. The answer has remained the same, "she is not moving to Colorado no matter how much I bribe her". Al said I have to let go of the control and give her a chance to live her own life without me there all the time. He said it's a right of passage. I feel like it is there just to torture your parent.

Well it has been pretty close to three years without a baby made with love from Al and I. Yes we are going to continue with some treatments next year. We both that the chances of having a baby now is very slim. This decision was made by statistics of our age, unexplained infertility (no doctor ever knows how the hell to make that one work). Multiple failed cycles already. I think for the most part, we have both excepted this fact, but still choose to have a little hope.

Of course we both know that with Cierra leaving for college in few years and no babies, we have free range of our lives. There are so many places I want to travel and see. I would like to start in the U.S. first and then move to other countries. Here are the places on our list to see:

1. National Glacier Park
2. Yellowstone National Park
3. The Great Smoky National Park
4. The Keys in Florida
5. New York City during Christmas
6. Maine in the summer
7. Rocky Mountain National Park

International Travels:

1. Australia great barrier reef
2. Ireland
3. Sweden
4. Switzerland
5. Belize

That's all for right now.

I know that there is no comparison on having a child verses living an adult life and being able to do things that you have always wanted to. If I could choose, I would choose a child. I won't lie though, I am okay with the other lifestyle also. At a certain point here in the near future, Al and I will make the decision to stop treatment and move on. I know that in my heart. I also know that I will have my best friend and the man I love with every single inch of my heart to share it with. I will watch Cierra grow into a beautiful smart woman. So life isn't all bad. You always have to find some good in all the bad things that happen or you will go insane. 

The Long asked question (Again)

I know as a blogger who is suffering with infertility, that this question has been asked so many times. I think personally, I have touched on this subject at least three times.

IUI verses IVF

I know there are so many factor that play a huge part in successful treatment or failed treatment. When I went through my first four iui's and ended up with two chemical pregnancies, I swore I was done with it and moving on to something that would work. Out of my two fresh ivf's I ended up with a chemical or ectopic, hell I think my doctors are still confused on what happened.  So lets look at this:

IUI $2,500 (per Cycle)  ended in two chemical pregnancies

IVF #1&2 $25,000 ended in chemical pregnancy or ectopic

The only difference I see her is the cost of each treatment and the same outcome. I am worried about going through iui's again and failing. I do feel better at what we are getting for the cost though. Since this go around insurance  is paying for appointments, bloodwork, and ultrasound, plus I have medications (Follistim), it will cost about $400 per iui. I am really starting to feel more confident going backwards. I know that many people after failed ivf's continue forward with them. That is NOT an option for us. My iui cycle gave us up to a 25% chance verses ivf gave us anywhere from 38% -41%.

After all the research and stuffing money back like crazy. I think we will be able to swing about 6 more treatments of iui. All I need is one good egg, just one! I would love to hear stories again on anyone who got pregnant after failed ivf. This could be naturally, clomid, iui or any other means besides ivf.

Liebster Blog Award

As promised. I was nominated for the Liebster Blog Award from two of my awesome fellow bloggers! How does this work?  I answer a series of questions  from the person that nominated me , and then I have to nominate 11 others to continue on with the tradition. 

First one up. Amanda from Growing Griswalds!

1) If you were a pickle in a jar, where would you want to be and why?

LOL I sat here and thought about this question. I don't really know a good      answer for this. I guess I would like to be at the top of the jar so I would be picked first. No one wants to be overlooked.

2) What is your favorite holiday?

 My favorite holiday is without a doubt Halloween. I am addicted to scary movies and get to watch them all month long!

3) If you have a bucket list, what is the most ridiculous thing on it? 

I want to be a man and jump up and down to see what it feels like to have testicles.

4) If you could only watch one disney movie for the rest of your life, which one would it be and why?

The Little Mermaid. Since a child I was always fascinated with the ocean. 

5) What is your favorite nursery rhyme?

I don't really like any nursery rhymes. I find most of them very disturbing.

6) Do you have any pets? If no, why not?

We have (3) dogs, (2) inside cats (2) outside wild cats I feed and countless other creatures.

7) Is your current hair color your natural hair color?

Brown with reddish/blonde highlights and most grey (true story)

8) What do you like to do in your spare time?

I picked up crocheting and now trying quilting

9) If you could be any crayon color, which would you choose to be? 

 Definitely green, just plain ole green

10) What is the furthest you have been away from home and where was it?

Mexico 

11) How old were you when you got your first cell phone?

In my early 30's, now I can't live without the stupid thing 

I was also nominated from Kelbel at Tales From Our Yellow Brick Road. Here are her questions:

1) What is your favorite guilty pleasure song?

Definitely LMAO and Sexy and I know it!!!

2) Do you watch reality tv? What is your favorite reality tv show?

I absolutely hate reality tv.

3) If you could travel anywhere in the world where would you go?

Ireland.

4) What is your favorite dish to bring to a pot-luck meal?

This is a little embarrassing, but my husband does all the cooking. 

5) If you were a cupcake, what type would you be?

Lemon!

6) How many different places have you lived? Where?

Oklahoma and California

7) What is your favorite book?

I couldn't narrow it down to only one. I love the Twilight series and also A Child called It

8) What is your favorite time of year?

Fall. I love all the colors of fall 

9) What is your favorite breakfast food?

Bacon anything! Of course my heart would disagree

10) Do you have any tattoos or piercings?

I have four tattoos and one is currently being removed.

11) Do you believe in ghosts?

I don't, or aliens :) 

 this is where I switch it up some. I am not going to send this to 11 people. I think everyone on my follower list has been nominated already. I just wanted to let the ladies who nominated me know I appreciate them :)

Weekend Camping Trip

I couldn't have asked for a better weekend. On Saturday we hiked about five miles throughout the hills. I was hoping for some great photos, but that didn't happen. No fall colored leaves or pretty fall flowers. We did see LOTS of catcus and the overview of the lake was beautiful. We seen some deer and a few cougar prints in the dirt. Sunday morning was about 30 degrees when we got up and the steam was raising off the water on the lake, it was amazing. I did capture pictures of that! Here are some pictures of our trip. 

                                                           MY CAMPING JAMMIES!

                                             JUST FEELING GOOFY

                                             BRANDED R for RAPP IN FIRE WOOD

  Hope you enjoyed the pictures.

Sunday after we came back from camping, I took my daughter to the movies to watch Silent Hill Revelations. I was so excited about seeing it for months now. What a total disappointment.

First Appointment for Removal

Before :

After:

According to the lady, I will need anywhere from 5-12 treatments. I went ahead and decided against getting lido-cane to numb it up because I wanted to save money. She told me before treatment if feels like hot rubber bands being flicked on your skin. It felt worse. So happy I had this done and hopefully it will be gone within a few months. I have to wait 6 weeks until next treatment.

Funny Friday & Good bye Wild Thang

First things first. I decided to just go with the test results from yesterday (ugh).

Without further a due, its Funny Infertility Friday!

Sorry but this one made me crack up. Been there a few times :)

Okay on to serious business. Today at 3:30 I say goodbye to "Wild Thang". Most of you already know this, but I have a few new followers. Wild Thang is a god awful tattoo I got at the age of 16 by a guy who thought he was a tattoo artist. At 16 I loved anyone tattoo artist that was free. Here comes the saying " you get what you pay for" I loved is tattoo for the few hours that night I was drunk and have hated it for the next 21 years. What grown woman, mother, wife wants wild thang inked on her chest? I am sure none of us :) Although I did have some wild times, well lots of wild times in my past, I am ready to close that chapter of my life. I am going to post pictures of the whole process, hope you guys don't mind. I might get sick thinking about the cost of tattoo being zero to have done and costing me about $1500-$3000 to have it removed.

Here is picture of Wild Thang, as seen this way for the last time in my life!!!!

Hope all of you have a great weekend. We are off camping. Highs in 50's and lows in 30's, should be fun with a big nice fire! I  will take pics and post on Monday.

Please keep your fingers crossed for Leslie @ http://hormonacoaster.blogspot.com. She has reached beta day of her FET and after the loss of her precious son earlier this year.

Seriously?

Okay I can't hold my tongue on this one. Before I call my doctor office tomorrow and accuse them of mixing my blood up with someone else, I need your opinions:

Does this hcg strip look like it should have a level of 69.5?

I honestly think they are wrong on my blood work. And especially since it isn't being run in the clinics lab. Remember ever since I went to the ER they have run my blood through the hospital lab...

Is it just me? or do you also call b.s on this?

I was wrong.....

I assumed with the way all my test strips looked, that my hcg levels were almost zero. I really hate being wrong: My hcg 69.4 and progesterone is .9 so I haven't ovulated. I have to go back in two weeks on same day as my WTF is going on meeting with Dr. H. and see if they have hit zero.

As much as I want to cry and whine about this, I won't allow myself to do that. Here is rundown of my beta saga for last month or so.


9/5/2012- Beta #1 HCG 56, Progesterone 24
9/7/2012- Beta #2 HCG 148, Progesterone 32
9/11/2012-Beta #3 HCG 238 Its over
9/13/2012-Beta #4 HCG 294, Stop progesterone
9/19/2012- Beta #5  HCG 500, Possible Ectopic Pregnancy
9/20/2012- Beta #6  HCG 667, Went to E.R diagnosed with Ectopic and received a  methotrexate    
9/23/2012- Beta #7 HCG 871
9/26/2013- Beta #8 HCG 755
10/1/2012- Beta #9 HCG 479
10/8/2012- Beta #10 HCG 161
10/25/2012-Beta #11 HCG 69.5

Back to work.

Finished Blanket

Well everyone, I am very happy to announce that I finished my sister's ugly OSU (Oklahoma State University) crocheted blanket. There are not words to describe how many this makes me. First of all, I hate the color orange and specially OSU orange..... Then it reminded me of something a deer hunter should wear out in the woods so other hunters could see him :) I haven't given it to her yet, but I really hope she enjoys. Here are some pics and you might need sunglasses for the bright ass orange.

I will be so happy to see this bad boy go. OU fans do NOT make or keep OSU stuff in their homes. I should have been banned from the fun group for this, LOL


Next craft project, my new sewing machine that came in last night. Let me tell you I felt like a caveman trying to figure out a cell phone. I might have even scratching my head and underarms and started jumping around making noises. The directions don't even have words, only poorly done illustrations. Thankfully my husband jumped in, and my sister called us while on you tube trying to figure out the threading. Two hours later.... TADA a working sewing machine. I kept asking Al what all the dials and buttons were for? He replied "read the directions". Directions are so over-rated.

Here is my new totally confusing sewing machine...

Since I didn't have any fabric to practice on, I went in my drawer and got a pair of panties and cut them up, so I could sew them back together. Hmmmm unless I am into some kinky crotchless fetish I better just throw those bad boys away. I promise I will go buy some real fabric today :) I know the rest of my panties are probably scared shitless right now.

TTC NEWS:

My pee sticks were almost white over the weekend and I have my two week appointment for another beta, but I was sick. I went in yesterday and had my blood draw. I also asked if they could check my progesterone to see where I am at in this 2 month cycle. I also asked if hcg levels were low enough if they could give me something to induce my period. The silly nurse asked me "Have you not had a period"... my response "well that all depends, Ive been bleeding almost daily since before my original beta on the 9th. I guess a period could have been in there somewhere". She obviously didn't like my answer. So I will update if I find anything out today. Oh I did have my thyroid tested the other day through my pcp to see if it was effecting my anxiety. My levels for TSH came back at 1.510 (guess it says I am normal).