Special Day

Today is a very special day. My daughter is turning seventeen. I look at her and am so proud of the young lady she has become. I know where I was at this age and it wasn't a good place at all. So to sit here today and see she didn't take after me, fills me with so much pride and joy. She is such a good kid! 

• She has been at her first job for almost one year now. So she is learning responsibility.
• She has her own bank account and has never over drawn her money (Phew) because I am co-signer on her account.
• She finally passed her learners permit and is currently waiting for her license. Al is teaching her how to drive because I am way to controlling.
• She is passing all her subjects at school and making almost 100% in her vo-tech graphic design course.
• She is a loving daughter.
• She is so excited to meet her new sisters and want to stay home a little longer to bond and help with them.

I am not sure how I lucked out with her, but I thank my lucky stars daily. By this age I was trying drugs, smoking, having sex and many other things. Of course I didn't have the stable home environment she does. I have tried my best over the years to raise her as a single mother and now I am lucky enough to have a great strong marriage and stable life for her. 

One almost raised and two in my belly :)

22 Weeks and OB Appointment

Yesterday was my 22 week OB appointment and things went well. I have been sick for the past few days, throwing up and bad cramps. My OB thinks I have a virus. Phew that made me feel so much better. He said if it doesn't clear up in next few days to call him back and also keep an eye on my discharge. If there are any changes from the clear watery discharge to mucus then to let him know. The babies both had great heartbeats, 157 & 165. He did my fundal measurement and when I asked he said I was measuring a little large, but it's because of twins. I didn't ask for specific measurements. I have been trying really hard to let go of some control :) Good news, I only gained four pounds within the last month and that made me smile. Weight isn't a big issue for me and if I gain that is fine, but I want to try to stay pretty healthy through the process and give babies what they need. I also would like to stay within normal ranges for weight gain with the girls. My OB did talk with my MFM and they really want me back on the 80 mg of Lovenox daily. As of now, Dr. Kim has me on 40mg every other day. She said if we start seeing growth issues with the babies then she will increase. Well after talking with my OB yesterday, they feel at that point it will be a little late in the game. So local doctors win this round and I started on my 80 mg today. We will be very cautious about the bleeding and if I start, we will cut back immediately. BTW, have I told you how awesome it feels going a month now without daily bleeding?? It feels freaking amazing! What isn't so amazing is redoing my glucose test next appointment. He wants me to redo the one hour test first (which I know I will fail) and then on to the three hour test. Oh well at least I can get it over with quickly.

In other news, my MFM appointment is on July 30th, which happens to be 24 weeks! They will do measurements to see how big the girls are. I am hoping they will be over a pound by then, or even bigger would be fantastic. 

Now on to my rant:
I am a member of a pregnancy after infertility group in facebook (WHICH I LOVE)! most of the woman came from my infertility group and we all have been there to support each other through thick and thin. Problem is, there aren't a lot of twin moms so I joined a few twin mom groups for information and support. I try to be an active member, but it is so hard. So many of these woman just complain and complain. I know that my pregnancy hasn't been all smooth sailing and honestly, some of it plain sucks, but what does constant complaining really accomplish? If I complain daily over and over, will my shortness of breath disappear? That would be pretty freaking awesome :) Either way, sometimes we have to put our own needs and discomforts on the backburner for the larger picture of our children. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with admitting you're having a bad day or in pain, sick etc. but when it is everyday and it is always about you, you, you, it gets very old and most of us get tired of hearing it. 
I just wish I could find a twin group like my other facebook group... I don't think it exists though :(

Fear

I've had fear since this pregnancy began. Some times it seems less and other times it is in full force. I think this is something that each woman pregnant after infertility deals with in her own way. I don't think there is a right or wrong way to deal. My fear is back and I think its because I'm so close to 24 weeks and the big "V". I have read so many blogs of woman getting so close to their 24 weeks and losing their baby or babies. This scares the hell out of me. I have made it so far. I still listen to to their heartbeats every single day. I compare my pregnancy to others in my twin groups (which I shouldn't). I feel some movements. On Wednesday I will be 22 weeks and still no kicks :( It is so hard to see all the other twin moms in my group talking about feeling kicks at 18 weeks and husbands are feeling them also. I guess it just adds to all my fear about this pregnancy. I wish there was a crystal ball that could tell me that my girls will be born into this world. I know there are SO many people out there that can't understand where I am coming from because they have never experienced all the losses and years of treatment and that is okay with me. I keep getting told by everyone that the girls will be fine and to quit worrying. Well honestly, no one knows that for sure. I look at their cute little faces on the u/s pics daily that are taped to my computer. I smile when I hear the their little heartbeats on the doppler and feel little bubbles in my tummy. I hope everyday that I will meet these two girls and be their mom. I look at their cribs and imagine them laying in there giggling and just staring at me, as I stare at them. This has been my biggest struggle in life. Getting pregnant, staying pregnant and hoping it is not taking away from me. As for today they have nice strong heartbeats at 165 and 168 and I am doing everything I can to keep them healthy and alive. 

Please universe, let us have this gift........................................

Let me make it to 24 weeks, then 27 weeks, then 30 weeks, then 34 weeks (at least). If you are feeling generous I would love to make it to 37 weeks :)

Carrying them has been the hardest and most rewarding thing to happen to me in a very long time. Regardless of the hardship of carrying twins physically, nothing compares to growing two little humans in your body. It absolutely amazes me.

 

Nursry Pic Updates ( In Progress)

I am still working on the nursery, but thought I would share some of the pictures so far:

 BEFORE

AFTER

Like I said, still a work in progress. I have to finish their name plates to hang above the cribs. The lady who made their mobiles, sent me some really cool dragonflies in the colors of the nursery. I am going to hang them on the wall also. We are still contemplating buying an amoire, but there is SO little room in there. It would have to be put in front of the window where the laundry table is now      ( which isn't staying in the nursery. I needed a place to fold laundry, so its their for another month or so). I think it is coming together beautifully. I was worried at first that the room would be to masculine for girls, but it doesn't seem like it at all!

21 Weeks

21 weeks, wow!

 

I haven't done any of the weekly updates with symptoms etc. so I thought I would let you all know how I am doing and what is going on during pregnancy.

The shortness of breathe is still with me and it has taken me a while to get used to doing anything when it is hard to breath. I have learned that I have to take things slow and take many breaks in between. 

I am eating ceasar salads at least four or five times a week.

My blood pressure has been pretty manageable since starting my medications. I have to take it daily and keep a log, but it usually runs around 130-140/ 60-75 and my pulse has stayed consistent around 112-120. I have started swelling in my feet, but I contribute that to the 100 degree weather and not drinking my 120 ounces of water daily.. I am going to say it, I HATE WATER! I wish I could drink 120 ounces of ice tea a day. This would make me very happy, but I don't think my OB or MFM would go for that. 

Crazy stretch marks and especially on my boobs (which I don't understand) my boobs aren't even growing. One would think they would have to grow in order to get big purple stretch marks LOL.

My weight is doing fantastic! I have appointment next week so I haven't weighed. As of two weeks ago I was up around 14lbs since my first visit to OB and probably extra 10 before. He is very happy with my weight gain and said not to worry or change a thing. So I treat myself to a salami on rye with spicy mustard about once a week. 

We have the nursery full of stuff. I haven't been able to work on it much lately because of the swelling. I hope my husband will be able to put second crib together and move the computer desk out this weekend.

I am also working on making name plates for each of the girls to hang over their cribs. Here is a little sample: I think they are going to look really good when I finish. I have a friend making the letters for me.

Last week I got results from my post IVIG blood work and for the first time all my levels were within normal ranges and my ANA was negative! It hasn't been negative in over 6 years. Dr. Kim still wants me to continue the infusions, blood thinners and steroids. I tell you this woman is a freaking miracle worker!! I wish all woman that had several losses would go see her. And even better news, I got my infusions down from 4 hours to 2 hours weekly ( YAY)!

Really as far as typical pains and aches from a twin pregnancy, I am feeling pretty amazing. I look at my stomach daily and stay completely amazed that it can grow so much! Although I am told weekly how big I am, I take it in stride and know that I am doing my best to keep my girls safe and gain weight for them. So I am now taking those comments with a grain of salt. 

21 days until viability! This is going to be such a huge milestone for me. Next milestone is 34 weeks.

4th of July Pics

Our 4th of July weekend was great! I was not able to hike down to the waterfall, but did enjoy time with my husbands family. Here are pictures of our weekend:

 This picture is pretty cool. Three generations of Rapp men.

 My MIL also finished up my curtains and one of the crib skirts. We also picked up my 18 year old rocking chair that was refinished. SIL brought 3 huge bags of baby girl clothes and a huge tub of maternity clothes for me. I have lots of work ahead of me on the nursery. I will post before/after pictures when we are finished.

I hope you all had a wonderful 4th of July!

20 Weeks

Here I am at 20 weeks! 

Feeling pretty good for the most part. Still having problems breathing, and since I know its not going away anytime soon, then I will just deal with it. Sleeping great, getting around pretty good. I am getting tired of people saying how huge I am. Not sure if they realize I am carrying two babies in here. My OB assured me that my weight gain is perfect and I shouldn't worry about anything. It would be nice for people to keep comments like that to themselves. Although I am getting pretty good with the dirty looks so maybe they will start getting it pretty soon.What is that saying, "If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all".

Well we are heading out for a camping trip tomorrow. Going to Natural Falls. I love this area. Not sure I will be able to hike down this trip to see the waterfall, but maybe :) I am also going to see my in-laws this weekend and get my refinished rocking chair and some other things for the girls. I have a feeling the nursery will be done within few weeks.

I hope you all have a wonderful 4th of July!

19 Weeks

Not sure I ever thought I would be here blogging about being 19 weeks pregnant and especially with twins. I had a bit of a scare last night. I couldn't find one of the babies heartbeat with the doppler. I searched and searched for over 30 minutes. Usually I can find them within a minute or two. Mentally I was freaking out, but decided to take a break and take a shower, plus drink a glass of ice water. About an hour or so later I found both heartbeats in the 160's and sounding beautiful. I guess I am still on edge when it comes to this pregnancy and I guess it will be like that until I have both my daughters in my arms. Although I have really improved on my stress levels as the pregnancy has progressed. I can promise that once you become pregnant the stress and worry doesn't just go away.

We took a huge step and ordered cribs this week. Al also put together the dresser for the nursery. We are missing a few pieces so that is on hold until they come in this week. The old rocking chair I had with Cierra just came back from being stripped and they are putting the new varnish on it. My MIL is working away on the curtains, bed skirts and cushion for rocking chair. I have a custom Esty order for the mobiles that should be here in a few weeks. The nursery in theory is coming along pretty well. I can't wait to get it all together and just sit in there and imagine the day when I am watching our girls in their cribs. I will post pictures when it is all finished. I already have the "before" pics. 

Today was my OB appointment and things are looking good. My bp is staying around 130/70. I did ask about my weight to ensure I am doing everything right for the girls. My first visit to the OB I weighed 190 and at today's appointment I was 204. He is very pleased with my weight and said I am doing a fantastic job. I know how important it is to gain weight for these babies and who am I kidding, I love to eat!!! 

I also heard back from Dr. Kim and she put me back on Lovenox. I never thought I would be so happy to have my bruised stomach back, but I am! It has been a few weeks since my last big bleed and "knock on wood" I think we are over the hump and things are going to start improving throughout this pregnancy. I know I had a rough start, but I am feeling pretty amazing now. Of course I have the usually bothersome pregnancy symptoms, but that is to be expected. I am also still doing my weekly IVIG treatments and found out two weeks ago that my deductible for the year was met so that is A LOT less stress about paying for the infusions. Dr. Kim hasn't given me a stop date for them yet. She believes my levels have stayed elevated because of all the bleeding throughout first and second trimester and now that the bleeding has stopped, hopefully my levels will become lower. I am totally fine with keeping on infusions because I know it is helping my girls and keeping this pregnancy going. Although I won't be upset when it is time to stop :) My arm looks like I am a shooting up junkie :) I guess I am a human plasma junkie :)

My baby shower is set up for August the 9th and I am more excited than I thought I would be. At first I didn't want a shower, but quickly realized we will take all the help we can get with two babies. I did make my sister promise no games and she agreed. I am pretty excited to see old friends and celebrate these two little beauties. Oh! another big day is JULY 30th, VIABILITY!!!!

I will update my bump in the bump tab above as soon as I get done stuffing my face with goodies.

Blogger Problems

Not sure if it is just me or this is happening to others using blogger. On my blog feed that shows the most current blogs, it is only showing one blog instead of all of them and only the most recent. I know that I am missing many posts from all of you, but I can not figure out how to fix this. Anyone else having this problem???

Level II U/S

I had to be at the MFM clinic bright and early this morning for our level II u/s. I was so nervous, but as most of you already guessed, both girls were healthy. My baby "A" was being stubborn and wouldn't move into a good position so they could get all the views of her heart. The doctor said he wasn't concerned and they will look again at my next visit in four weeks. Both girls are measuring 18w2d and both of them weigh exactly 8 ounces. The average weight for this age of gestation is 6 ounces, so they are a little ahead of the game and making their momma proud. He did want to do some additional blood work for sjougrens markers, if I test positive it could effect the babies hearts and will need closer monitoring, but as of now I am not concerned about that. All my bleeding has stopped for almost two weeks now, not even spotting. They couldn't see anymore of the blood clot so I should be able to start back on my lovenox soon. Both the MFM clinic and Dr. Kim want me on the blood thinners with having APS and I will feel so much better once I am back on it. 
 Here are pictures of the girls today:

 I will have appointments with my MFM clinic every 4 weeks until 32 weeks and then once a week. As of this point we are planning c-section for 37 weeks (which is October 29th). I could have my Halloween babies!!

I also talked some about my maternity leave yesterday. After crunching numbers and using vacation pay etc., I will have 10 weeks of full pay for my leave. My husband gets 3 weeks and hopefully will be staying home with the girls after I go back to work for a few weeks. I really hate the idea of childcare for them at such a young age. I think if we can swing it, we are going to find a nanny to watch the girls and I will feel much better with them being in our house verses a center. My husband gets to use the company's child care site for free. I plan on posting here in a few months.

I know I say this all the time, but I still can't believe I am pregnant and having twins after all we went through. I never thought this was going to happen for us. I really goes to show that you never know what will happen in your life. I am so blessed beyond words. I am also starting to get excited about having two babies, even though it took me a while to accept. I love my girls so much already. My girls.....