Rain/Sunshine/Theme Parks

 BTW the private setting didn't work or I am a complete idiot and can't work it. My post wouldn't show up on bloggers news feeds and some invited bloggers couldn't see it at all. For the current time I am back to pubic postings, UGH!







My husband took of last Thursday and Friday so we could go on our fall camping trip. It has been cancelled twice now due to rain. We were kinda bummed having to cancel again this weekend, but it turned out to be the best decision. Friday afternoon we decided to go to the casino and I won almost $400. Then Friday night and ALL day Saturday, it rained HARD. My backyard had a pond and the dogs were even scared to go out in it. The day before I sent my sheltie to the groomers (figures it rains afterwards). 

Everyone refers to poor Izzy as a "she" :) I just tell him that he is a handsome guy.

So Sunday we decided to buy some tickets to the local theme park and have a family day with me, Al, my daughter and then my sis, her husband, and two little girls. I'm sure you all know that I hate crowds and have severe anxiety around them. I took an Ativan before we went and about 3 o'clock I started losing my shit and thought it was time to go home. My husband suggested I take another. Good thing, because I lasted until 8 that night! I rode almost all of the rides and my four year old niece rode a hanging roller coaster! It did scare me to death. I couldn't even sit beside her because I thought she would fly out. I am still shaking my head about that! She is one brave little girl for sure. Here are some pics of our family fun Sunday.

                             (Cierra and my 8 year old niece Bailey)

                                 (My four year old niece Briley)

                                 (The girls on Tilt O Whirl) Dizzy

                            (Haha my husband on carousel)

                              (Spooky stuff all over park)

                              (My sis and Bailey on log ride)

                             (I really like this old coach wagon)

                              Taking a break to eat. Starting with my husband in yellow, my sis, niece, bro-in-law, niece, and my beautiful daughter.

Onto to some ttc news...... Oh, there is nothing to tell. I just wanted to get everyone excited. Levels still haven't hit zero yet. It's weird to think this has been going on for 7 weeks now. I do have faith that I will have a cycle again before I hit menopause. We are going to start on clomid with my next active cycle. I also have consultation with my RE on November 7th. I will fill you guys in more about that later.



 

Went Private

I think I was able to add everyone who requested to follow me over to the private side. This is my last public post. Here is what is said about following someone who went private:

 You can restrict your blog to only readers you choose. However, these readers will need to log in before reading your blog, adding an extra step.
We'll save your readers list for you, so you can switch back at any time. 

I also will have my first private post up shortly. Please let me know if you are not getting access. 

Thanks!

Fall Flower Garden

So I am a seriously cheap when it comes to decorations for the holidays.
I spent around $60 today for my flower beds, here is some pictures: 

 

Funny Infertility Friday!

A dash of this and a dash of that

The title basically sums of my post today. A dash of this and a dash of that. I went in this morning for beta #10. UPDATE came back at 161.

 I did POAS last night and there is still a second line, but I feel pretty confident we should be below 100 today. Also, I did a lot of research last week on vitamins/supplements and decided to start a new regimen which includes:

B6-200mg day
D3- 2000 twice day 
Prenatal x3 day (since I take the all natural ones)
COQ10- 200 x3 day
DHEA-25mg day
Aspirin-80mg day
Vitamin C- 500mg day
Royal Jelly-teaspoon day

I sent the list in with my nurse today so my RE could put his stamp of approval and add any others he sees fit.  I know there is not really any scientific proof on these supplements, but it can't hurt, so why not.

This weekend was pretty cold and felt damn good. We had our first fire of the year and all the animals in the Rapp zoo loved it! Here are a few pics: I didn't get pics of all the dogs and cats though.

                          Boomer yawning...

                        So relaxed he fell asleep

             Lilly sat there almost all weekend.


So we had some really happy pets!

I also worked on my sister's OSU (Oklahoma State University) blanket. For the record I can't STAND OSU, but a promise is a promise. I think it looks hideous. 

Finally, my husband decided to go out and mow on Sunday morning and it was 42 degrees outside! I must admit that our yard looks pretty amazing though :)

Guess that is about all for this post. It feels pretty weird just blogging about my usual everyday life and not pee sticks, injections, embryos etc. Still trying to get used to that one.

Funny Infertility Friday

I totally forgot about this after our failed ivf. We are officially back to Funny Infertility Friday!!!

Allergies & Honey Boo Boo

Oklahoma weather has definitely thrown a wrench in my plans to feel better. Ragweed is at a all time high and I never knew that I was effected by it until now. The last three days I have been plain miserable. My eyes are running like a faucet and my throat is soooo sore, along with headache and well, my whole head hurts like hell. Thank goodness I have a huge variety of hot green teas at work. Oklahoma weather is just crazy and UN-predictable For example, yesterday we hit 85 degrees and Saturday it is going to be in the 40's with wind chill in 30's, then the next day back in high 70's again.

So last night while crocheting, we watched SouthPark. I am usually not a big fan of that show, but I am less of a fan of the Presidential Debate. Of course I won't go into my political views or lack of on here though. Anyway have any of you heard of Honey Boo Boo? She is a obese little girl that originally was on Toddlers and Tiaras and now has her own disgusting show and is making $20,000 an  episode. I'm not sure exactly what is more disturbing, that a channel called THE LEARNING CHANNEL would air this shit or that people like us actually sit down and watch it. I won't say that I have watched an episode of it because I haven't. The commercials are enough to make me want to vomit and personally slap the stupid out of her mother.  Well of course South Park did an episode on Honey Boo Boo last night that also went on to talk about all the obese people in Walmart on scooters therefore truly handicap people can't use them. Well I never have expected much from the makers of this show either. It is for the most part offensive and at some levels disturbing. I was happy to see they brought to light the fact that The Learning Channel is making money off a obese little girl who will probably have a heart attack by the age of 20. Pretty damn shameful... I just wonder when people will wake up and realize that some of these shows are just plain awful and we shouldn't be helping these networks to make millions of dollars off of uneducated families and/or people.

Infant and Pregnancy Loss Awareness Month

I know that we all have been here and can really appreciate this month holding a very important reminder.

Survey

I wanted to take a little survey today. Not only do I have my blog, but I am also a member of private infertility group on facebook. Within the last month the two spaces have had such different luck. So many positives on my blog and so many losses on my group. I started thinking about statics with ivf and live births coming from it. Of course I have read and been told that there are a higher % of problems with ivf pregnancies. I just want to see if there is a difference on pregnancy rates and live births due to the day of transfer and progress of embryos. If you would like to participate, please let me know the following:

1. How many ivf's until you were successful?
2. On the unsuccessful, how many day transfer was embryo(s)?
3  Did you ever have any to freeze?
4.  Age at successful pregnancy

ALSO Same Questions for those of us who are still trying:

1. How many ivf cycles have you went through?
2. What day transfer(s) did you have?
3. Any to freeze?
4. Age during cycles



Thanks again to anyone that chooses to participate in this survey

It's hard to stop

I went in for beta #9 this morning and was so happy to see my old nurse that we went through all of our iui's with. She was so caring and really holds a special place in my heart. We talked and she mentioned that it was word around office that I had went through a really hard time with this last ivf. I went on to explain what happened. After it was all said and done, she asked what was our next plan. It is so hard to stop treatment. I am really trying to convince myself of all the reasons we should stop. Who wouldn't want to be able to vacation more, or do whatever they want when they want? That all sounds very nice, but I am still wanting to be settled down at home with a baby that my husband and I made together through love and medical intervention (of course). We had already decided 100% that ivf was out of the picture for us in the future. It is to expense without insurance coverage and the success rates obviously aren't on our side at this age. I spoke with my clinic and our insurance with cover office visits, ultrasounds, and basically everything but medications and actual cost of iui. The cost of iui is about $400 and I have two boxes of 900iu Follistim left, which if we wanted, could give us many cycles of iui's. Like I said earlier, it is so hard to stop. Are we going forward with the iui's? I really don't know at this point. I know we need time to think and consider and most of all, heal from the past two years of failed treatment.  When I think about starting this up again, I go back to this last cycle. I was prepared for a failed cycle. I wasn't prepared for the roller coaster ride that we went through. It exhausted me mentally, no it drained me. I am having anxiety and panic attacks daily now and my body doesn't know what the hell is going on. I bleed, I stop for a week, it starts again, it stops. I am dizzy, light headed, nauseous all the time, my stomach is a complete mess. Moments like this make me wonder if it is even worth it? Although I do know that iui's are a walk in the park compared to ivf. Definitely something to think about over the coming months. We have our consultation with Dr. H on November 7th to see what he suggest from here.

In other news, my hairdresser (that has really become my friend within the last year) is pregnant. Last year she got pregnant right after my 1st ivf failed and announced it to the world at 5 weeks. Of course I was a little taken back and had to adjust. At 16 weeks they went in for their gender u/s and found out the baby had died at 13 weeks. She was so devastated. Of course all of her fertile friends on fb told her it was God's will and she would get pregnant again, blah blah. We all know how hurtful that is. I really tried to be there for her throughout the ordeal. We talked a month ago right before my 2nd ivf and she was upset it had been over 7 months and no pregnancy. I gave her the rest of my ovulation strips and she sent me a few pics to see if they were positive or not. Anyway fast forward to last week, she is  pregnant. I got the picture of two lines on 14dpo sent to my phone via text message. You know what? I am really happy for her. I think she got a taste of what infertility is about and she also lost a baby whom she loved so much. She is really excited and texted me last night that the lines are getting darker, LOL.... I told her to really stay on top of her OB/GYN this go around and be persistent on testing and monitoring until she gets past the point of when she lost the baby. So I laid in bed last night and kept asking myself if my whole position with infertility was just to be supportive and help other throughout the process? Maybe it is written that Al and I won't or can't have a child. Maybe these past few years was meant to show me what it feels like so I can be there for other woman needing a supportive ear? Who knows.

That is it for today folks. Lets hope my numbers are still dropping. 

Update: Levels dropped to 479