I am alive.

Sorry I wasn't able to update any earlier. It has been one crazy weekend. Friday the town I live in had a F3 tornado, actually tornado's. I believe there were 3 or 4 that came out of one cell. 11 people lost their lives including (3) storm chasers from the Discovery Channel. This storm had record flooding and actually stayed over El Reno for over three hours. My aunt was down from California staying with us. I was able to get us to a passage way under a road here in town and ride out the storm. Thankfully the only damage was about $2,700 to my vehicle because of the hail. Our yard and shop were flooded, but waters have started to go down. The only thing that matters is our family is safe and our home is still here. 

My daughters friends house was totally destroyed. They lost everything. This year has been so incredibly dangerous with the massive destruction of storms all over the U.S. 

We are getting everything packed and ready to leave for our vacation on Tuesday morning. I am ready! I need sunshine and the ocean breeze.

Here are lots of pictures of "just" flooding damage at my house. I didn't feel comfortable taking pictures of the tornado damage because people lost their lives and homes. 

 

TTC News: 6DPO Chart looking great!

 

 

Fridays Special "Toni" Addition

I hope you enjoy my special Friday addition. Sit back, grab a cup of coffee and a muffin. Enjoy!

 Yes I am getting ready to blog about the "catty" mean spirited woman that seem to be a epidemic in the infertility community! 


Here is a huge question. Why can't all of us just be our real self? No faking, no pretending to be kind, caring and compassionate, but yet when someone turns their back you are scratching their eyeballs out. I mean honestly, isn't this suppose to end in middle school and possibly even  high school?

Now don't get me wrong, I know this is everywhere we look in today's society. I would like to think that groups of woman who are all suffering from the same damn thing could really show some support for each other. Instead I see it all to often where when you are in the trenches of infertility along with 20 others, we sit back and see who is going to get pregnant. Who is going to lose their baby, who will go on to stay pregnant. Will they leave the community who has shown support after their pregnancy? Is that okay for someone to do that? In my opinion YES. After getting pregnant you haven't forgotten what hell it was while trying, but now as much as you might not want to accept you are in a different place. These woman are trying to adjust to pregnancy and symptoms and if the baby or babies are growing okay. Trying to fit in somewhere because most of the infertiles are catty bitches wanting to talk shit about you and the fertiles have no idea what you had to go through to get where you are.

I mean really?????, really?

If this post pisses you off in anyway then I am not apologizing for that.I am so tired of sugar coating things for mean people. 

You may ask where this post came from? It came from the fact of infertility groups that claim to be good kind hearted woman totally bashing others because of their pregnancies. These woman try to prove how good they are and work very hard to cover up their black hearts. I am here to say that people like you are just plain disappointing and pathetic. I would hope when your time comes to get pregnant that you would expect people to be happy and supportive. 

We all seem to forgot sometimes, this is not a contest of who gets to the finish line. This is life and it deals with real people that have feelings and struggle to have a family. How about a little freaking compassion instead of your nasty drama!

So today I give all you fake catty woman a HUGE thumbs now.....

  Oh before I forget, this is my message to all of you strong woman who have overcome infertility. I am so proud of you! I know what every single one of you went through to get to this point. You are strong and inspirational to me and always will be!

Funny Infertility Friday

Today at Noon is my last day of work until June 10th! I am going to enjoy the ocean, my husband, my daughter and my wonderful little niece for a nice week in Galveston. I have my aunt down from California that will be staying with us this weekend. Al is going to show his skills at cooking and hopefully I can get out to finish shopping for our clothes on trip.

FUN DAYS ahead for me!



TTC: 4DPO started progesterone this morning.

Surprise!

I haven't said this in a long time or at least since January. Today I am officially 2DPO! My progesterone levels came back at 11.10 two days after ovulation and my lining is 12.5. I might only have a 3% chance this month but I have never been so freaking excited to be back in the game fully!!

 

Good morning ladies! Well lets start of with the good news for today. I have my post-op appointment at 10:00 this morning. He is only suppose to check my incisions, but I am going to ask for a progesterone test and also a ultrasound to see if I did in fact ovulate. Looking at my chart this morning indicates that I did. My temp went from 97.8 to 98.1. Over all I am happy that I decided to go with my surgery. Once you overcome your fear nothing can stand in your way. Now am I so naive to believe I will get pregnant first cycle out with no drugs and no treatment, no I am not, BUT I can be hopeful for that 3% chance better odds than 0%.

I will update later on how things went this morning.

Now on to the bad and sad news. Yesterday I received a text from Cierra's grandmother (her dad's mother) she dropped a bombshell on me and said she has been diagnosed with colon cancer. I asked if they knew how bad it was or has it spread and she didn't know yet. She is scheduled for a MRI next week and we will know more information. I thought long and hard yesterday how to deal with this news and telling Cierra. Although my mother is alive, well and lives 2 hours away, we don't have any kind of relationship with her. Her dad's mom is her only grandmother and they are pretty close. Well I went home yesterday and was working in the office when I hear Cierra say " Mom what is colon cancer?" My hurt sunk! I said "Who did you hear that from?" She then asked again what it was and said her dad just texted her a short message simply stating " Your nana has colon cancer" So as I was preparing to sit her down and explain everything, she texted her dad back asking if her nana would be okay, and he lost it. His text came back saying that Cierra didn't care how he was after tornado whether he was alive or dead and never wants to come visit, but will ask about her grandmother and go visit her. After that he then said their relationship was over and she needed to have a good life. Yeah way to go dad! Way to drop a fucking bomb on your 15 year old daughter. I am sure when I tell you she was devastated you can pretty well picture that already. I first started with the conversation with her nana. I told her that yes I did find out today and it is was to early to talk to her about it until we figure out what is going on. There are so many things that can happen. I did explain that her nana could die from this, but she can also have surgery and get all the cancer. We just really don't know right now.Then we tackled her father. She said she hated him. Even though I hate the man, I never wanted to hear those words from Cierra. She said she is tired of him being drunk and never spending time with her. I tried to explain that maybe the news of his mother had pushed him over the edge and he was saying things he didn't mean and for her not to text him anymore while he is drinking. I also explained that she can't hate him because he gave me her! I told her she is such a blessing in my life and has saved me in so many ways. So after the talk we decided she needs to step back from her dad again until she feels confident trying to talk to him.

This situation with her father has been like this for 16 years. I didn't want to marry him ever. Our families pressure us into it and said we were sinning by having a baby and not being married. He loved the strip clubs, beer and pot. When I got pregnant with Cierra I stopped all my bad habits and tried my hardest to be the best mother. Ultimately I left Tim because he couldn't stop the drugs, or grow up to take care of a daughter. It has been this way now for the past 16 years. He quit paying child support 4 years ago and helps with nothing. No medical insurance, school lunches, clothes, glasses, dental visits, nothing. I feel very confident that one day in his life he will assume the responsibility he has thrown away for so many years and realize exactly what he lost, his daughter. Then it will be up to him to live with that guilt.

So last night was a pretty rough night in the Rapp household. Al walked in while Cierra was crying and asked what happened. I took him in the bedroom and explained everything. He was so beyond livid at the situation and seeing Cierra hurt like that. Of course it is so hard for him to fit in with her because he is the step dad and all she wants in the world is her dad and love from her dad. I feel so blessed that we have Al in our lives and I think deep down Cierra does too. She knows he will always be there for her in the future

Good news! Our Galveston vacation starts next week! We are having a cookout for Cierra's friend Salina who is German foreign exchange student. She is leaving to go back home next week. I am sure going to miss that kid. She is like my adoptive daughter.

Quilt Tab

I have updated my Quilt tab above with my newest finished product. I made this one for a special lady on my facebook infertility group. Anna Stone May and her beautiful little girl who will be born in coming weeks. I hope you enjoy!

I am very excited for my next project. This is for a very dear friend who I met through blogging and holds a special place in my heart. Cristy from My Silver Lining is expecting twins!

To Ovulate or not to Ovulate

That is the question. As you know I did a blog post last Friday on how I ovulated. My sticks were pretty dark for two days. I only started temping last Thursday because I wasn't sure that I would ovulate this month and especially after surgery. Well cd23 hit and I was positive it was positive :) We did our deed on Thursday, Friday and thought it was covered. I still like to test after a positive strip just to make sure. Saturday had some color but not to dark, Sunday has some color but even lighter. Monday my stick was very dark again. I was like wth? We went ahead and BD again last night. This morning I tested and my line was super light. My temps have been super low making me think there was in deed no ovulation. I will attach chart so you can see. THis morning it jumped .03 degrees though.

 Bottom was from yesterday (Monday and above it goes):
Sunday (lighter)
Saturday( lighter)
Friday  (dark line)
Thursday (dark line)

I know that some of you will tell me that the second line needs to be as dark as or darker than the test line. That is not how they work with my body. My doctor also agreed that for me if they are close then I am ovulating.


Here is my chart:

Okay on to  a great picture of me. I was out in flower beds yesterday transplanting my iris's and doing some weeding. As it happens every year, I came across something that doesn't like me and here was my beautiful face today:

 

Super cute huh! I went to access clinic this morning and received my annual cortisone shot plus predisone and cream. 

I also received a phone call a few minutes ago with some bad news. I will post about it later.

Little Sahara

Well Al and I had a plan this weekend to do home improvements and work in our flower beds. Plans changed. I received a call from my sister yesterday and they were at one of our State Parks called Little Sahara. It is about 20,000 acres that is all sand dunes from the Cimarron river that made the formations. Pretty cool place if you own dune buggies and/or four wheelers. Well they were out there with some friends and said we should come out for the day. So glad we did. I had a blast! There is nothing like flying over dunes that are 100 feet tall! What a serious rush. Here are some pictures of our day yesterday. I hid camera under my shirt because of all the blowing sand, but was able to get a few pictures. Unfortnantely pictures don't do this justice. You can't really scale out just how tall these dunes are and how big it is.

 We broke the dune buggy after flying over a hill and for the rest of the day we rode the smaller atv's. Just as much fun!

My niece and her super cool helmet!

Today is back to work day for us. Al is installing our new dishwasher. I have lots of laundry to do. Hoping to get some flowers transplanted today and possibly (fingers crossed) get some much needed quilting done! 

I hope all of you have a fantastic Memorial Weekend!