Take Back & Funny Infertility Friday

Thinking I should take back the comment that femera doesn't have any side effects. This second round I have really noticed them. I am also on a higher dosage. Dizziness is the worst, headache, backache, and nausea. I thought it was a miracle drug compared to clomid, wrong. Oh well I only have this cycle and one more before I start my Follistim, so I can definitely deal with it.

 Had my blood work done on Wednesday for my RPL. Waiting to hear back. I know that the karotyping can take up to five weeks. I hope that I get my other results before then. I have already prepared myself for everything to come back normal with the exception of maybe vitamin D defecieny. That seems to be pretty common.

Funny Infertility Friday. Sorry if I have posted this one already, I am running low on pics :) Hope everyone has great weekend.

 BTW::::CycleSista's are back in commission. For the longest time it took you to the bike link. If you click on mine at the top right, it will take you to their page.

CD3

Without grossing anyone out with details, this cycle has been a "ball buster". I have never had such horrible cramping and bleeding, ever! The only thing I can think of is, this was my first real cycle since the ectopic in September. I was bleeding almost everyday from August until my levels hit zero again in November. So I really just assumed the bleeding after hcg went away was my CD1 and it probably was, but this was the first cycle with my body trying to get back to normal. Anyway glad the first two days are over and I am feeling better today. Tonight I will start my 7.5 mg of Femera and have my u/s on December 7th. 

I am really starting to second guess myself at this point. I know we can't afford ivf again without taking out loans and that isn't an option for us right now. We plan on moving to Colorado in a few years and want to put $ into house so we get more out of it. Plus we are still paying back the 401K Loan that my husband took out for the ivfs we had. Which may I add was a great idea. Low interest and while most 401K's were losing money, since we had loan out on it, we weren't effected. I guess things are really starting to hit me and I just don't see how any cycle forward is going to be successful when the most aggressive treatments were not. Of course I googled the success rates etc. Problem is, just because (5) woman out of 1,000 had success doesn't mean it will happen to me. I am at a crossroads big time. I will blame most of it on this time of the year. I hate this time of the year with a passion. It is filled with bad memories and I just want January to get here.

I tried talking my husband out of putting up Christmas decorations this year. He really wants to. I told him that was fine, but I am not putting anything up or taking it down. I just don't want to deal with it. Not because I am bitter either. I have NEVER liked Christmas. Well maybe when I was like 5 and there was a Santa Claus. Christmas music makes me want to slice my wrist with a butter knife. I am not a fan of the ugly Christmas sweaters or the reindeer car ornaments. Thank goodness I only have my sister and her family, so I am not forced to spend countless hours with each of our families during the holidays. We do go to Al's family's house for a day or two. I like to give Christmas presents early. So really just call me scrooge, because I am.

Guess that is all of the ranting for me today. Please universe let the next month fly by quickly. Let tax season hurry up and get here so I can deduct over $20,000 in medical expenses this year and hopefully get a break on my taxes... That is my Christmas wish for this year. 

Had all of my bloodwork done today for recurrent miscarriages, plus my karotyping. Will keep you guys updated on the results.

Loft Renovation Pics

It is hard to get good pics of the loft because it is so small. We tore down all the old wood paneling that was bowing and hanging. Since our house is super small at 1200. We have two bedrooms down stairs and then the loft upstairs. Cierra liked it up there so I decided to turn the downstairs bedroom into a craft room/office. Here are some pictures from our renovation that took all weekend long.

As you can see, it was pretty dark, nasty and almost scary up there!

Before you look at the new pics, please remember my daughter is DIE HARD ONE DIRECTIONER (that means fan, but the kids call themselves directioners). She also picked out the laffy taffy yellow room.

It is hard to tell in this blurry photo, but we laid down laminate flooring over in the cubby corner that the wall was knocked down.

Also on Thanksgiving, we took  our nieces to spend the night with us (Thanksgiving tradition). We went downtown OKC so they could see the Christmas decorations going up around the Devon Building. All of the decorating is still going on, but here are some pics!

Unfortunately all these pics were taken with my husbands phone because he took the memory card out of camera and left it at home. Yes I might have been a little upset with him.

 TTC Front:

Go in on Wednesday for baseline and start Femera 7.5 .

CD1

I hope that everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving and Black Friday weekend. I personally don't go shopping on Black Friday, but did order a t.v online and got great deal. Today I am braving the crowds at the mall to take my daughter shopping for clothes. This year with her being 15, all she wants is new clothes and shoes. So since I am completely nontraditional, she is getting her Christmas present today. I am probably the only person in the world that absolutely depises Christmas. I hate what the holiday has become. I don't like Christmas music, I hate Christmas trees, the little reindeer horns and noses for peoples cars drive me insane. I do suffer through the holiday due to the fact that my husband loves Christmas. Just a heads up, you won't see me wearing any Christmas sweaters etc.

Well our Thanksgiving weekend went pretty well. I stayed very busy. On Friday we had my Sister and BIL come help us rip down paneling in the loft (Cierras room) and hang sheetrock. Whoever built this house decided that would paneling was super awesome and covered the whole living room and loft in it. Problem though, our living room ceiling is super high and we have the wood beams running across. To fix that paneling would be so hard! I hope that changing out what we can will make a difference on resale when we move to Colorado. I worked in loft for about 10 hours yesterday taping and mudding, then painting. I hope it turns out great. My hubby is going to finish it today while we are out shopping.

On TTC news. Today is cd1 and it looks like I am completely back on schedule. AF started on exactly day 10 as she always does. I knew from the beginning that something as simple as femera and TI wasn't going to fix a problem that IVF and IUI couldn't. It was still nice to try though :) This month I am raising my femera to 7mg and see if that does anything. My husband told me this morning that his insurance is being changed at work from Aetna to Cigna. I wonder if that means we might get possible infertility coverage? I am kinda excited to hear about the benefits. Hopefully at the very least it still covers office visits, u/s and bloodwork like now.


Well have a great day!!!

Happy Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving Day is a jewel, to set in the hearts of honest men; but be careful that you do not take the day, and leave out the gratitude.  ~E.P. Powell

November ICLW

Hi bloggers visiting from ICLW! Welcome to my life :) Here is a little rundown:

I suffer from secondary infertility. Had my daughter in 1997 and no luck since then. 

My husband and I tried multiple rounds of clomid and natural cycles before being referred over to the RE.

We were accepted into a study called A.M.I.G.O and were able to have four medicated iui's with Menopur. This study was for couples with unexplained infertility and no other issues. We ended up with two chemical pregnancies.

After failed iui's I had a hysterscopy to see removed adheisons from my uterus.

Moved on to ivf. 1st one we transferred to grade B embryos day 5. Had a very hard transfer due to ridges on my uterus and it took over an half in half. Very tramatic on my uterus and probably a big reason it failed.

Had another hysterscopy to remove ridges off my uterus and fibroid behind my cervix.

Moved forward with ivf #2. This time we transferred (3) grade b (3) day embryos and I started getting positives on hpts at 9DPO. Was feeling good. Started spotting and thought it was implantation. First beta was 58 at 10Dp3DT couldn't believe it. Second beta was 158 at 12Dp3DT. It all went down hill after that. Still spotting daily, my numbers continued to rise but not appropiately and I ended up in the ER for ectopic pregnancy. After 7 weeks of crazy hcg bloodwork etc. my levels finally hit zero.

We are now 5DPO on femera with trigger and TI. Unfortunately we can not afford anymore ivf's. Hoping to start iui with Follistim next February. Until then we will do a few cycles of femera. OF course I am not hopeful that this will work after all else has failed. I am thankful to be back in the ttc game though. 

Thanks for stopping by my little end of the world!

Since I won't be at work Friday, here is Funny Infertility Friday Early Edition:

Thankful

thank·ful  (thngkfl)

adj.

1. Aware and appreciative of a benefit; grateful.

2. Expressive of gratitude: a thankful smile.

I have so much to be thankful for. As many of you bloggers who have followed me for years know, my childhood was stolen away from me. I sit here today and I am so thankful that my daughter never has to know what it feels like to be beaten, or to be sexually abused by multiple family members. Most importantly she will never know what if feels like to be left behind by her mother. If it wasn't for the painful way I grew up and the hard lessons I learned, then I would not be able to have the sense of gratitude that my daughter never goes through it.  I am thankful that I was finally able to grown into a beautiful woman. After years of drug abuse and being addicted to anyone that would love me or give me attention for five seconds. I was in such a dark place in my life for so many years. It honestly took my father dying for me to be able to start the healing process. Then I met my husband who saved my life in so many ways, he will never even know. I am thankful for my sister who went through this life with me for so many years and grew up to be the most loving mother I have ever seen. Despite all the statistics stating my sister and I would grow up to be abusers or to be involved in abusive relationships. To be dependant on the state, or to become drug users, we defied all the odds. I am thankful for my life.  Many of our family members werent so lucky. They fell into drugs and horrible and hurtful lifestyles. We never had anyone to look up to while growing up. No one to ever show us right from wrong and pure clean love. I sit here and look back to all those years and I can't believe I turned out to be the person I am today. Whatever happens to me in my life from t his point forward will never compare to that pain. I sit here today and again say how thankful I am for my life, pure and simple. 

I hope that every single person reading this blog today can sit back and think of one thing you are truly thankful for. 

Winner!

Andrea from Palm Trees & Rainy Days! The winner was picked by using RandomPick.org

Andrea please send me your mailing address @ tonisharapp@yahoo.com. I hope you enjoy these soaps as much as I do :)




TTC Front: 3DPO

Well we might have missed our prime ovulation day due to sleep. My RE told us to trigger on Thursday. He also said to BD on Wednesday just in case I decided to ovulate early. We did Wed, Thurs, totally forgot Friday and then back to BD on Saturday. Not sure our odds are very great this cycle. Well honestly, at best I think our odds of success is really around 3% on TI cycle? I have been drinking my cherry pepsi and had a glass of wine on Saturday night. I guess I am not feeling this cycle at all. After coming out of a year of strict diet, no caffeine etc. I am just going with the flow right now.  Sorry if that sounds bad, but it is just the way things are right now.

To make things sound even worse ( I doubt I will have any blogger friends after this comment). I am SO sick and tired of whining infertiles. I am NOT talking about the ones who just suffered a miscarriage or a loss. I am talking about the ones that constantly whine and complain. I just want to scream at them. As bad as we think we have it, I promise there are so many others who have it SO much worse! I am not known for being all positive and shitting rainbows, but jeez sometimes we need some damn rainbows! IS being negative all the time changing your situation? Yeah I didn't think so. We are ALL strong ladies who have been through our own hell and then some. Wear it as a badge of honor and fight for what you want. Become more educated, become an advocate, help others whom are suffering.

Funny Infertility Friday!

TTC Front:

Triggered Yesterday :) Another day and I will be entering the tww. I hope everyone has a great weekend. Any big plans?

Give-A-Way!!!!

I started this blog truly thinking it would be a place for me to talk about feelings due to infertility. I was just starting out and very confused on why I wasn't getting pregnant, but definitely optimistic. The first year I didn't have hardly any followers. I believe for about a solid 9 or 10 months I had about (5). Who would have thought that today I would be saying thank you to (100) followers. Not only followers, but people who care enough about me to stop by and read my continueing journey? There aren't many words that can describe how thankful I am to have so much support here. I have friends and some family that are aware of my struggles. Besides my sister and a few friends, we don't recieve any support. In fact it is a hush hush subject. I guess people think if they don't talk about it then the problem disappears, but as you know, it does not. We have to live with this disease every minute of every day. So you all can understand how much it means to have supportive woman that will be there to pick you up on a bad day, or give you a hug on a good day. 


Thank you for helping me through this battle.

I am doing a give-a-way for my 100 followers Anniversary. 
 In order to enter for this drawing is simple. I want to know ONE thing about you that is NOT infertility related: It can be anything, so please share with me. I will post the winner on Monday, November19th. 

(If any of you have done something similar to this, how did you generate a winner fairly?)

Oh without further adue, here is what you will win:

 

I apologize that I cut half the picture off. You get one Apple Jack & one Pumpkin homemade natural soap from Lillasyster. I buy alot of her products and there is only one word to some them up, AMAZING! 

Hope you enter to win! Again thank you ladies :)